Being with BIL & SIL who dislike children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, Thank you everyone. We are very close to my husband's parents and do holidays with them. My BIL & SIL hosted Thanksgiving this year and will come to our house for Christmas and we see them for birthdays, etc. When I say it is a drain it is because they make no effort to speak to us, or our children.

What is the definition of insanity?

[Anonymous]

Wait, they don't talk to you but they come to your house for Christmas? Grow. a. backbone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is getting to be such a strain spending holidays with my husband's family. My husband has one brother and he and his wife have chosen (no infertility issues) to not have children. They prefer animals and really dislike children despite SIL being a teacher. I have 2 children under the age of 5 and BIL & SIL show no interest in them at all. When we get together they always chose to sit at the other end of the table away from us. When my children try to engage them they answer and turn their heads to talk to each other or DH's parents. SIL is not a friendly or warm person and does not even speak to me ( doesn't speak to me to even say hi, unless I initiate a greeting). It has always been this way, even pre-kids, she makes 0 effort. It is such a drain to be around people who act as though they are tolerating us, and for DH and I feeling that we have to make our children be perfect angels when with them since they dislike children. My BIL used to be better before SIL came into picture, but now he makes no effort. It is just so depressing when seeing other people talk about their family's.

They sound like assclowns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"You and SIL should, of course, just go in and do the dishes for MIL. "

What????

Say what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is getting to be such a strain spending holidays with my husband's family. My husband has one brother and he and his wife have chosen (no infertility issues) to not have children. They prefer animals and really dislike children despite SIL being a teacher. I have 2 children under the age of 5 and BIL & SIL show no interest in them at all. When we get together they always chose to sit at the other end of the table away from us. When my children try to engage them they answer and turn their heads to talk to each other or DH's parents. SIL is not a friendly or warm person and does not even speak to me ( doesn't speak to me to even say hi, unless I initiate a greeting). It has always been this way, even pre-kids, she makes 0 effort. It is such a drain to be around people who act as though they are tolerating us, and for DH and I feeling that we have to make our children be perfect angels when with them since they dislike children. My BIL used to be better before SIL came into picture, but now he makes no effort. It is just so depressing when seeing other people talk about their family's.

Life is too short to spend part of it around people like this. You and your kids deserve more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a "such a drain to be" around them? I'd love to have a reason to not worry about making small talk.

Besides your kids will learn not everyone is as interested in them as their parents and will hopefully learn to leave the aunts & uncles alone.

You must be as rude as the uncle and aunt in question not to see that these two people (aunt and uncle) are modelling very poor behaviour. Not something I'd chose my kids to be exposed to.

[Anonymous]

when you a guest or a host, you need to make the effort to at least say hello/how are you to every single person (assuming this is a normal saize family party). These ILs sounds like complete whack jobs. its not about them having to dote on the kids but damn, walk in the door "hi joe, hi jane, how is school?" and then keep it moving to the grown up table. thats called being an adult. The kids, if they are verbal shoudl at least be taught to say "hi" back. OP I don't blame you for being annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is getting to be such a strain spending holidays with my husband's family. My husband has one brother and he and his wife have chosen (no infertility issues) to not have children. They prefer animals and really dislike children despite SIL being a teacher. I have 2 children under the age of 5 and BIL & SIL show no interest in them at all. When we get together they always chose to sit at the other end of the table away from us. When my children try to engage them they answer and turn their heads to talk to each other or DH's parents. SIL is not a friendly or warm person and does not even speak to me ( doesn't speak to me to even say hi, unless I initiate a greeting). It has always been this way, even pre-kids, she makes 0 effort. It is such a drain to be around people who act as though they are tolerating us, and for DH and I feeling that we have to make our children be perfect angels when with them since they dislike children. My BIL used to be better before SIL came into picture, but now he makes no effort. It is just so depressing when seeing other people talk about their family's.

They sound like assclowns.

+1 Aren't kids supposed to have fun at the holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, Thank you everyone. We are very close to my husband's parents and do holidays with them. My BIL & SIL hosted Thanksgiving this year and will come to our house for Christmas and we see them for birthdays, etc. When I say it is a drain it is because they make no effort to speak to us, or our children.

They are rude to you even in your own home? It would be a cold day in hell before I would put up with that.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell my kids uncle and aunt don't like kids, so just be polite and say hello. Hopefully they will feel like assholes when the children repeat this....and then you can say " I don't know where they got that from? " OR I would just avoid them unless really necessary.

[Anonymous]

I've been there OP, and know it is never as simple as "just don't spend time with them" or "ignore them" - there's always sop much more complexity and repression of emotion when it comes to family dynamics.

I've come to the conclusion that I can tell my kids to be on their best behavior and we'll power through this twice-a-year dinner as a team. I've even just thrown in the towel on some occasions and fed the kids first them parked them n front of a show while the adults eat. Who gives a shit? They're happy and my in-laws don't have to ignore/pretend to care about them in the interim.

It'll work it's way out -- I just won't allow anyone to make my kids feel badly about them being themselves any way you cut it.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone is into kids. You can't force it. I am not remotely interested in my friend's kids. I'm nice to them and give them hello and goodbye hugs but no one expects me to be on the carpet with them playing Legos. They eat earlier than the adults and then they go about playing with each other or whatever. I am into my 3 year old nephew. He's my brother's child and I feel a familial bond. But my DH doesn't. He doesn't ignore him...he will give an obligatory airplane ride or what have you, but then they both carry on with their respective activites. Not everyone has to be fascinated by your child. It's hatd for many people to relate to kids, especially young kids. Now, if they are rude to YOU...that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

I don't see what the big deal is. Not everyone fawns over kids.