Online dating. Men sending pics of their kids

[Anonymous]

I think you need to screen better, OP, or just insist on meeting in person rather than giving out your email right away. I generally only date single dads (I'm a single mom) and have never one send me pics, and only one show me a picture early on (outside of what may be posted on-line).

I find single-dad's statements here odd - why is it a sign of maturity to send out photos of your kids??? All fathers are proud of their kids, but that doesn't mean you email photos of them to near-strangers as a way of showing it. Isn't the goal to see if you are compatible with the woman you're dating before bringing your kids into the equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I am not sure if this is necessarily a deal-breaker. A man who hides his kids would be a dealbreaker, not the opposite! He is being a real man and proudly owning his responsibilities. I can't explain for the guys who send creepy explicit requests, but you women should know you are not all perfect either.

I am on OKC now some 3 months (as vheeghee if interested), and I am equally annoyed at how many women post pics with the following:

1. You and your pets all over each other suggesting that any new guy will not stand a chance.
2. You with all of your girlfriends in one picture (and sometimes your girlfriends look much better)
3. You on all your vacations/hobbies and never anything about your normal weekly life.

and last but not least,

4. You in a very dated photo where you were in shape and fit........but the last photo always tells the true story

For these reasons I pretty much rewrote my whole profile, and made it specific the kind of friendship I am hoping to establish. Since then all the 'likes' reduced significantly, or if I got likes, the woman stops talking after reading my profile. So this confirms my view that most women on OKC are lonely, desperate, and superficial.

So if OP is annoyed by men just sending pics of their kids (which is a very grown man thing to do), then we as men are equally turned off by all those things in your pictures.

Sounds like the whole world to me.

[Anonymous]

DH and I met at a bar, not online. I had never been married and did not have kids. He had been married and had/has 2 kids. I can't remember exactly but he showed me pictures of his kids very early on. I saw it more as simply letting it be known that he was a Dad, and that a relationship with him would involve kids. I appreciated it, honestly. Now mind you I didn't meet the kids for about 5 months.
All this to say that dudes posting kid picks could be creepy. But I also think it's just an effort to not falsely advertise. Blended famillies are tough- and I appreciated the early heads up.
To the pp who mentioned that Her ex posted kid pics, even though he didn't want custody. I kind of get that. My dad was almost absent until after the divorce. Their marriage was toxic and he hid at work. Post divorce he woke up to what he was missing. Years later he became our custodial parent. Who people are during a divorce is not who they are after.

[Anonymous]

This thread is eye opening to me. I'm getting divorced and will be sharing custody of my son, and was planning on online dating once divorced. I have few recent pictures of me without my son in them. I understand that someone would be dating me, but it seems like important information that I have a kid, both because raising him takes up a lot of my free time, and he is everything to me, so I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with a single dad. I understand I shouldn't post pics of him on the Internet and shouldn't make my being a dad the centerpiece of my profile, but I'm curious what people recommend so as not to come off as sketchy or unbecoming. (no risk of torso pics.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is eye opening to me. I'm getting divorced and will be sharing custody of my son, and was planning on online dating once divorced. I have few recent pictures of me without my son in them. I understand that someone would be dating me, but it seems like important information that I have a kid, both because raising him takes up a lot of my free time, and he is everything to me, so I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with a single dad. I understand I shouldn't post pics of him on the Internet and shouldn't make my being a dad the centerpiece of my profile, but I'm curious what people recommend so as not to come off as sketchy or unbecoming. (no risk of torso pics.)

I would start by NOT saying that your son is your everything (and that advice goes to moms too). Children have no place in dating. Anyone who chooses to get involved with a parent knows that their child is important to them and that it is a 'package deal' so to speak. That doesn't need to be emphasized with pictures or multiple kid-centered statements. Focus on what you bring to the dating table (a sense of humor, a sense of adventure, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is eye opening to me. I'm getting divorced and will be sharing custody of my son, and was planning on online dating once divorced. I have few recent pictures of me without my son in them. I understand that someone would be dating me, but it seems like important information that I have a kid, both because raising him takes up a lot of my free time, and he is everything to me, so I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with a single dad. I understand I shouldn't post pics of him on the Internet and shouldn't make my being a dad the centerpiece of my profile, but I'm curious what people recommend so as not to come off as sketchy or unbecoming. (no risk of torso pics.)

How old is your son? Why are you in a hurry to start online dating? Don't you want to heal up after the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is eye opening to me. I'm getting divorced and will be sharing custody of my son, and was planning on online dating once divorced. I have few recent pictures of me without my son in them. I understand that someone would be dating me, but it seems like important information that I have a kid, both because raising him takes up a lot of my free time, and he is everything to me, so I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with a single dad. I understand I shouldn't post pics of him on the Internet and shouldn't make my being a dad the centerpiece of my profile, but I'm curious what people recommend so as not to come off as sketchy or unbecoming. (no risk of torso pics.)

I would start by NOT saying that your son is your everything (and that advice goes to moms too). Children have no place in dating. Anyone who chooses to get involved with a parent knows that their child is important to them and that it is a 'package deal' so to speak. That doesn't need to be emphasized with pictures or multiple kid-centered statements. Focus on what you bring to the dating table (a sense of humor, a sense of adventure, etc.)

OP here. I like this. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I kind of disagree with the PP. I have my child 24/7 and while I don't write in my online profile that my child is my "everything" I do mention that I have my child FT. It helps to weed out people who think I am a PT mom.

[Anonymous]

I'm pp. Thanks for the advice. I'm just getting divorced but it has been years since I was in a real intimate relationship with my wife, including over two years of couples counseling. My wife left (I didn't leave because I was concerned about how it would affect my son.) I'm certainly not ready for a new meaningful relationship. But it would be great to go out with someone that actually wanted to be with me, which has not been true for my marriage for too long.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you go out in public with your kid(s) strangers see them. What is the big deal about including a kid in a photo you send to a prospective match online? Being a parent is part of who you are. Your dislike of the practice suggests to me that you are one of those people who wants to pretend that anything that happened before you got into the relationship is in the past, including kids. This is how bad stepmothers, the kind who barely acknowledge that their husbands kids from a prior marriage are their family too, are born. I'd say the men who send pics of their kids are smartly screening you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single Mom or not, any guy who sends lots of selfies prior to meeting is a red flag. Or those that ask you to send them some. It has happened to me and I'm not a single mom. I instantly stop contact.

A selfie in itself is a read flag I may be too old, but it just rings stupid.

[Anonymous]

Single mom. I think you should be straightforward about single mom/dad status but I don't think posting pics of kuds is the only way to do it. Personally I don't post pics of my child but can understand that many men have no other pics. It does sometimes cause me pause when I see all pics with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you go out in public with your kid(s) strangers see them. What is the big deal about including a kid in a photo you send to a prospective match online? Being a parent is part of who you are. Your dislike of the practice suggests to me that you are one of those people who wants to pretend that anything that happened before you got into the relationship is in the past, including kids. This is how bad stepmothers, the kind who barely acknowledge that their husbands kids from a prior marriage are their family too, are born. I'd say the men who send pics of their kids are smartly screening you out.[/quote]

NP here, clearly you are the only one saying that.