Am I being cheap? or unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

It's common courtesy. Even college kids do this when they carpool rides home.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question... unreasonable!

[Anonymous]

I think it was appropriate and fine. But OP, is there something you are not telling us...is $40 really a lot of money for you...why is this bothering you so much that you would make an issue of it in your marriage. Because your husband is an adult and I don't see the point of riding him for this small amount of money or trying to control his behavior. This controlling behavior about money and about his conduct is really more inappropriate than being over generous might have been.

[Anonymous]

I think the pp raises some good issues to consider. I think it was a nice thing for him to do, though he could have also just offered to chip in $20, if money is a concern for you.

[Anonymous]

It's appropriate to chip in for gas when carpooling. Do you feel your husband is easily taken advantage of or feels inadequate and offers more than is appropriate? Is that why you were upset?

[Anonymous]

If $40 is chipping away at you like this and breaking the bank, I would say next time you should stay home because you cannot afford this kind of travel.

Even in high school I gave my friends gas money to car me around.

[Anonymous]

I don't choose to make an issue over something with my spouse unless it is a pattern of behavior, and unless the topic is truly important. Your issue doesn't seem to pass either test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't choose to make an issue over something with my spouse unless it is a pattern of behavior, and unless the topic is truly important. Your issue doesn't seem to pass either test.

It's probably one of those things that's part of a bigger issue between them. Don't we all have those?

[Anonymous]

Chipping in till comes across as cheap.
I think it was the proper thing to do - not only did they drive and use the gas, but the wear and tear of the car and if there God forbid was an accident, guess who would have footed that bill.
Perhaps next time you drive or take separate cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was thoughtful, generous, and appropriate for your husband to do this. It would have also been appropriate for you or him to have simply asked, "Can we give you some money for the gas?"

I actually disagree with this. When you ask, you're putting it on the other person to give you an amount to chip in, or to feel bad about accepting money from you and decline out of politeness. The money should simply be given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it was thoughtful, generous, and appropriate for your husband to do this. It would have also been appropriate for you or him to have simply asked, "Can we give you some money for the gas?"

I actually disagree with this. When you ask, you're putting it on the other person to give you an amount to chip in, or to feel bad about accepting money from you and decline out of politeness. The money should simply be given.

My husband is "over the top" in this regard. He'll just fill the other person's tank, over protests, or pay for dinner outright when we go out with friends. He goes grocery shopping for disabled neighbors (we live in a highrise). A lot of men do this for show, for my husband it's his generous nature. I really love that about him. I can see how it might be problematic in some respects, but honestly, OP, try to look at this as a "strength" of your husband's, not a weakness. Sounds like he has a good heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it was thoughtful, generous, and appropriate for your husband to do this. It would have also been appropriate for you or him to have simply asked, "Can we give you some money for the gas?"

I actually disagree with this. When you ask, you're putting it on the other person to give you an amount to chip in, or to feel bad about accepting money from you and decline out of politeness. The money should simply be given.

My husband is "over the top" in this regard. He'll just fill the other person's tank, over protests, or pay for dinner outright when we go out with friends. He goes grocery shopping for disabled neighbors (we live in a highrise). A lot of men do this for show, for my husband it's his generous nature. I really love that about him. I can see how it might be problematic in some respects, but honestly, OP, try to look at this as a "strength" of your husband's, not a weakness. Sounds like he has a good heart.

With a husband like this, you will always be a wealthy woman. I think he sounds like a wonderful person.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your DH one of those guys who tries to impress people by picking up the check?

This drove me crazy. My DH made very little money, I paid the bills, and he'd make a big show about picking up the check.

I guess it depends on your circumstances. If you were just talking last night about how you guys can no longer afford x, y, or z, and then he's picking up the tab for gas, I'd be mad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went with a family on a trip about an hour each way from D.C. The family offered to drive and we went with them. They are a family we know for about a year or so and good friends, not great. On the way back, our friend pulls over to fill up gas and my husband runs out and pays for their gas and fills the entire tank. I think it is okay to offer and contribute for gas, but if I offered to drive I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for it. We have taken their DD places and do it gladly. I got very angry with my husband. I feel like I am very conscientious about spending money and I think it was foolish of him to do this. What do you think?

Your husband sounds like my type of guy. A real gentleman. Not easy to come by in this day and age. Feel grateful that he is so thoughtful and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I guess it depends on your circumstances. If you were just talking last night about how you guys can no longer afford x, y, or z, and then he's picking up the tab for gas, I'd be mad too.

If they couldn't afford to pay for gas, they shouldn't have gone on the trip.