what to do? Friends with abusive narcissist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

Actually, I'd rather not interact with people like that at all. He's a controlling, abusive, manipulative, bullying person. He overpowers people who then become submissive and controlled. His child is starting to behave like him just now and I don't want my DD to be involved in similar dynamics.

All I want to do is gracefully pull my family away from them. I just need a strategy. Is there any graceful way to move DD to another class mid year or should I just wait till the end of the year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

Actually, I'd rather not interact with people like that at all. He's a controlling, abusive, manipulative, bullying person. He overpowers people who then become submissive and controlled. His child is starting to behave like him just now and I don't want my DD to be involved in similar dynamics.

All I want to do is gracefully pull my family away from them. I just need a strategy. Is there any graceful way to move DD to another class mid year or should I just wait till the end of the year?

I don't know. Is your daughter happy in the class? I wouldn't uproot her from an otherwise happy situation. Why not give the teacher a heads up about the social dynamics and your concerns?

Why are you suddenly so desperate to take extreme action?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't know. Is your daughter happy in the class? I wouldn't uproot her from an otherwise happy situation. Why not give the teacher a heads up about the social dynamics and your concerns?

Why are you suddenly so desperate to take extreme action?

I guess, it's my fear speaking. The whole thing with the kids just became obvious recently, when they started to interact on daily basis.

It's hard to tell if DD is happy. Some days she's content. Other days she's upset and tells me she wants to go to a different school. When I brought up the idea of changing classes, she begged me to put her in a different class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

OMG I am going to get this. (Not OP, but in desperate need of this)

Thanks.

Read the reviews and critiques of it first. There are better books.

I didn't find the critiques to be all that relevant to why I read the book, but everyone's opinion and experiences will be different. Many of the critiques come from people experiencing flat out abuse by their partners. Even this book qualifies that it's not going to help in extreme cases. This book is better for the "run of the mill" narcissist or someone with those tendencies, but where you are otherwise safe. Just FYI. And the reason I liked it is it comes with actual strategies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't know. Is your daughter happy in the class? I wouldn't uproot her from an otherwise happy situation. Why not give the teacher a heads up about the social dynamics and your concerns?

Why are you suddenly so desperate to take extreme action?

I guess, it's my fear speaking. The whole thing with the kids just became obvious recently, when they started to interact on daily basis.

It's hard to tell if DD is happy. Some days she's content. Other days she's upset and tells me she wants to go to a different school. When I brought up the idea of changing classes, she begged me to put her in a different class.

I think you should talk to the teacher or principal.

[Anonymous]

OP, you said this job is lucrative. Are you only staying in this situation for the money? Can't your DH get a similar paying job elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Are you the Op who couldnt handle kindergarten competition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

OMG I am going to get this. (Not OP, but in desperate need of this)

Thanks.

Read the reviews and critiques of it first. There are better books.

I didn't find the critiques to be all that relevant to why I read the book, but everyone's opinion and experiences will be different. Many of the critiques come from people experiencing flat out abuse by their partners. Even this book qualifies that it's not going to help in extreme cases. This book is better for the "run of the mill" narcissist or someone with those tendencies, but where you are otherwise safe. Just FYI. And the reason I liked it is it comes with actual strategies.

The advice in this book is contradictory to what most experts in NPD would recommend. You cannot "disarm" a genuine narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

OMG I am going to get this. (Not OP, but in desperate need of this)

Thanks.

Read the reviews and critiques of it first. There are better books.

I didn't find the critiques to be all that relevant to why I read the book, but everyone's opinion and experiences will be different. Many of the critiques come from people experiencing flat out abuse by their partners. Even this book qualifies that it's not going to help in extreme cases. This book is better for the "run of the mill" narcissist or someone with those tendencies, but where you are otherwise safe. Just FYI. And the reason I liked it is it comes with actual strategies.

The advice in this book is contradictory to what most experts in NPD would recommend. You cannot "disarm" a genuine narcissist.

OK. Well, I read it and found it helpful. Is that OK?

[Anonymous]

Books like that teach you what to (or not to) say and do when interacting with a narcissist. Typically a seemingly meaningless conversation gets escalated by the narcissist until it becomes an argument or even violent. You can only control your actions so make sure your actions aren't making the situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read a book, Disarming the Narcissist, and it was actually quite a good read on how to interact with narcissists or people with those tendencies. Many of the examples are about family but also about work relationships. It's a pretty quick read and very easy to digest and pretty illuminating.

OMG I am going to get this. (Not OP, but in desperate need of this)

Thanks.

Read the reviews and critiques of it first. There are better books.

I didn't find the critiques to be all that relevant to why I read the book, but everyone's opinion and experiences will be different. Many of the critiques come from people experiencing flat out abuse by their partners. Even this book qualifies that it's not going to help in extreme cases. This book is better for the "run of the mill" narcissist or someone with those tendencies, but where you are otherwise safe. Just FYI. And the reason I liked it is it comes with actual strategies.

The advice in this book is contradictory to what most experts in NPD would recommend. You cannot "disarm" a genuine narcissist.

OK. Well, I read it and found it helpful. Is that OK?

Totally OK, of course. I am glad you found something to help you, because this is a tough thing to deal with. I didn't intend to criticize something you found helpful.