Child wants to attend college on a different coast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD insist on attending college in California. We want her to stay within driving distance, 6 hours max. We have already told her the only way would be if she received scholarships. How do we deter her away from insisting on going to colleges out there? If you have a DC who attends college where a plane ride is needed, what are the advantages and disadvantages?

OP - issue with distance or money?

OP here, money isn't an issue, but I want to have an opportunity where if she gets home sick we could pick her up etc. She has other siblings and it would be nice for her to be home during some of her breaks. She's been away to over night camps etc. and currently takes metro with friends to the mall etc. We are allowing her to be a "teenager", but the logistics of attending college that far away is too cumbersome.

OP, re sickness, that's also part of the maturing process and there's Student Health that they go to. (and not bring it home to the siblings). But yes, nice to have her home during the breaks. Honestly, it may not be so logistically challenging, because things are more cut and dry--when a kid goes to school close, there's lots of "do we drive down there, do we meet half-way and leave a car in a parking lot for the weekend, should I keep my dentist or get a new one closer to me" etc. I attended college two hours away from home and there were always those negotiations, and when I went to law school on the opposite coast, it was cleaner and we appreciated the time together more (and it wasn't junked up with doctor's appointments and tire changes)

OP, college is the only time in your life that you can pack a suitcase and try living in a new place without major logistics. It sounds like you've raised a brave and confident girl. Please don't try to stifle that. Let her go and she will appreciate you for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, let her go with a clear understanding that (1) airfare will limit the number of times she comes home during the year and (2) she can transfer at the end of the year if it proves to be too far away FOR HER (not you).

I went to a school more than a day's drive from home. I came home at Christmas. For other breaks and holidays, I stayed on campus or went to friends' houses nearer to school. It was part of being in college, becoming independent and trying new things.

Let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD insist on attending college in California. We want her to stay within driving distance, 6 hours max. We have already told her the only way would be if she received scholarships. How do we deter her away from insisting on going to colleges out there? If you have a DC who attends college where a plane ride is needed, what are the advantages and disadvantages?

OP - issue with distance or money?

OP here, money isn't an issue, but I want to have an opportunity where if she gets home sick we could pick her up etc. She has other siblings and it would be nice for her to be home during some of her breaks. She's been away to over night camps etc. and currently takes metro with friends to the mall etc. We are allowing her to be a "teenager", but the logistics of attending college that far away is too cumbersome.

this is all about you you you.

if she gets homesick she will figure it out. IF she gets homesick.
if she wants to see her sibs she will find a way to see them.
this is all about it being cumbersome for you and your fleeting ability to control!

+1. My DD has expressed a desire to visit five schools in California in addition to two in the midwest and the remainder on the east coast/mid atlantic. While the selfish part of me wants DD to attend the UMD and come home for dinner on the weekends, the realistic part of me knows that this is the beginning of her independence as a young adult AND if she wants, she could legally go where she wants. Yes, some might say if I'm paying the tuition, she goes where I say. To that I say, bullchips. She could declare her independence and apply for financial aid on her own.

I am of the opinion if things don't work out, my DC's a smart cookie and knows there are options to transfer back to the DMV area. But I think if she did go west and settle into school, she'd stay, at least, for college.

It's time to cut the umbilical cord, OP or at least extend it a few thousand feet.

[Anonymous]

If money is not an issue, then I don't think you have any choice other than let her go. Is there a program where DC can spend a night or two at the school? I know some schools have summer programs for HS kids. You may want to look into that.

[Anonymous]

My son goes to Stanford. Dd goes to Berkeley. My son is more of a homebody than my daughter, so we promised him that for freshman year, either one of is woukd visit him or we'd fly him home once a month. By his second semester he was asking to skip months.

It's been great. He's loved exploring a part of the country we don't spend much time in and showing us around. He gained a ton of confidence from realizing he could thrive so far away. Btw, he has three younger siblings and has maintained close relationships with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD insist on attending college in California. We want her to stay within driving distance, 6 hours max. We have already told her the only way would be if she received scholarships. How do we deter her away from insisting on going to colleges out there? If you have a DC who attends college where a plane ride is needed, what are the advantages and disadvantages?

OP - issue with distance or money?

OP here, money isn't an issue, but I want to have an opportunity where if she gets home sick we could pick her up etc. She has other siblings and it would be nice for her to be home during some of her breaks. She's been away to over night camps etc. and currently takes metro with friends to the mall etc. We are allowing her to be a "teenager", but the logistics of attending college that far away is too cumbersome.

You really don't want to do that. First of all that's very rare for college kids. And pretty unlikely with one who has expressed strong interest in going to college in CA. But if they know you'll come pick them up anytime it almost encourages it. If she's that homesick she can fly back faster than you would be able to pick her up 5-6 hours away.

I have one kid a drive away and one kid a plane ride away and they come home and we see them with the same frequency. The logistics are really not very different. The only difference is having to book airfare a month or so in advance to get decent fares but that's really pretty easy to do.

[Anonymous]

Let her go. If her becomes home sick she should stick it out. I remember people becoming "home sick" and return home. They went home but everyone had moved on without them and they wished they had stayed in school...you can't go back, thing change.

[Anonymous]

I went to school four hours away, and I only came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break, even though we could have done a weekend if need be.

Geography doesn't determine how often you will see her, and if you try to keep her closer geographically with expectations on her time, you may find yourself worse off emotionally than if she just went to California in the first place.

Let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, college is the only time in your life that you can pack a suitcase and try living in a new place without major logistics. It sounds like you've raised a brave and confident girl. Please don't try to stifle that. Let her go and she will appreciate you for it.

This, this, this. Please let her go.

[Anonymous]

You will push her away from you emotionally if you insist she stays near you, and it may undermine her confidence in herself. It sends the message that you don't believe she can do well on her own. I know this is a hard step, and it will be even harder in the long run if you try to control it.

[Anonymous]

depending on the situation, flying is not necessarily more expensive than driving. ex- if you are looking at driving 6 hours one way, then you are probably paying for a hotel 2 nights (one to take her there, one to bring her back) for each time, plus gas, wear on car, etc. You can usually get a round trip ticket to CA for around $300 with advance planning.