DH has any and all traits of MIL that are annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The traits in others that annoy us the most are usually traits that we have ourselves. Chew on that one awhile...maybe he "married his mother."

Nice try. We are so opposite, we could not have less in common.

DH's psychologist says that MIL thinks she is rejected, by DH choosing me so opposite not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, professionally...) which is what started MIL's ill behaviors (it's all about her, especially when it is someone else's day, for example).

Nice hearing from the MIL's though

no where near a mil. Nice try, though. My guess you and you mil do share traits...perhaps no obvious once like physical type or professional aspirations but traits nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure you're not perfect either. You don't think you have any negative traits that are grating on your DH?

Is that what was said? You might want to reread the original post, MIL.

Sorry to not fit your assumption, but I'm not a MIL (I suppose I *could* be at 34, but that would be tough). It's just amazing to see people on here complain and complain and complain about people, without looking inward to see their own problems and personality imperfections. It's as though it serves as a nice, and convenient distraction, from yourself/ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, my dh too. My relationship with my inlaws turned sour very fast. Now I am at the point that I I want out of the marriage, because I. Just can't deal with them anymore. We are working on our marriage but sometimes I see their traits in him. Drives me mad. Sometimes creates tension when he has done nothing wrong.

Best advice try to let it go. Easier said than done. GL.

You see the parents' traits in their child? Why, why does this surprise you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, my dh too. My relationship with my inlaws turned sour very fast. Now I am at the point that I I want out of the marriage, because I. Just can't deal with them anymore. We are working on our marriage but sometimes I see their traits in him. Drives me mad. Sometimes creates tension when he has done nothing wrong.

Best advice try to let it go. Easier said than done. GL.

You see the parents' traits in their child? Why, why does this surprise you?

Not the same poster, but here is the thing: you date the person, NOT their parents. You marry the person, NOT their parents.

So yes, it is NOT at all surprising that once you are married longer, and spend (however limited) time with DH's family, you notice the parents/family's worst traits before too long. Maybe you also notice their best traits before too long - but the latter is of course less likely. If you are human.

You start drawing correlations, for better or worse.

Before that, maybe you tried therapy, because you knew he or she has arsehole tendencies, but you weren't really sure why, and the IL family isn't exactly the warm, fuzzy, straightforward type.

If you try therapy at any stage, the therapist brings up possible traits of the parents. And BAM - right in the face - you are dealt a hand that looked NOTHING like it did on the day of the marriage. Maybe completely opposite.

They say we marry our parents. In my case, my dad and I were close. If I found half the man of my dad I would have been lucky, indeed. And maybe I did. But not without traits I had never seen before, and fail to understand to this day - BECAUSE (get this) they are unfamiliar. Like it or not. They are not things you know how to sea with because (again, listen carefully) they are NEW.

If you have failed thus far to admit you need therapy, it is well worth looking into. Find out what the experts know. Find out that "I know you are but what am I" has no place in the profession, for a reason. Grow up, PP. Your input in not only inaccurate, but also useless - in a weak attempt to perpetuate false information. Because, I suspect, this post hit too close to home for YOU.

It is NOT always true that "traits you hate are traits you have". In fact, if you actually did your own research, with a qualified professional that is the top in his class and profession, you would find this out for a fact. To your dismay. Your pointing fingers does NOT make it so. Too bad, so sad.

[Anonymous]

sea = deal