How do you avoid becoming "Friends" with the opposite sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my primary reason for wanting to spend time with a person is that I am sexually attracted to them, I do not spend any more time with them than is strictly required. If it's a colleague, I am pleasant but do not seek lunch encounters, do not ask to be staffed on projects with them, do not sit next to them at meetings, etc. If it's another parent at my child's school, I do not seek playdates with the family in question (unless we already have that kind of relationship, in which case, I would try to schedule playdates with multiple families, not have one-on-one time, etc.).

Basically, I do not make up reasons to be around someone I secretly want to sleep with. I have not found this to be a problem. Maybe it's because I don't believe that people are 100% controlled by these urges that the OP finds problematic.

This. "Evolutionary urges" are a cop-out. If you find yourself attracted to a person who is not your spouse, you limit contact rather than courting temptation. But I'm not attracted to every member of the opposite sex--there are plenty of people that I am friends with without this concern at all.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

Are you single and looking for a relationship? If so, flirt all you want. If not, don't flirt.

The end.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't flirt with someone unless you want to have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

Are you single and looking for a relationship? If so, flirt all you want. If not, don't flirt.

The end.

I'm married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

If you know this and still do it then you're not trying to avoid anything - you're deliberately trying to incite something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

Are you single and looking for a relationship? If so, flirt all you want. If not, don't flirt.

The end.

I'm married.

Then ANY flirting is "close to the line" if not wildly over the line. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

[Anonymous]

I'm single and 42 and have never had any problem resisting the urge to be more than friends with guys. I have a ton of guy friends. Some of them are good-looking. Some of them are dateable. Some of them have expressed drunken interest in sleeping with me from time to time. But if we're friends, we're friends. (and since I'm single, if they're interested, then we COULD pursue it. But there's no reason why we have to, or should.)

If it's so hard for you not to cheat that you are considering shutting off FB, you probably aren't capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship. Or you don't like the person you're with enough to just be with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

And you're married, right? Then maybe you ought to consider some therapy to help you better understand why you do this, and why you want to blame "evolutionary urges." If your post is real, which I suspect it's not.

[Anonymous]

Single woman lectures on monogamous relations. Must be a high point for implicit forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

And you're married, right? Then maybe you ought to consider some therapy to help you better understand why you do this, and why you want to blame "evolutionary urges." If your post is real, which I suspect it's not.

It's real. It probably stems from low self esteem as a teenager. Rejected a lot in junior and high school. Now I'm attractive but I still need validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. It's just sometimes I flirt to a point that may be close to the line.

Are you single and looking for a relationship? If so, flirt all you want. If not, don't flirt.

The end.

I'm married.

Flirt, and often, with your husband.

[Anonymous]

As long as you have no intentions of it going anywhere and it isn't overtly sexual, I don't see the problem with flirting. It makes life interesting. But I am a person who doesn't need male validation at the level OP seems to so I suspect that is a situation where I feel in control and secure nothing would happen whereas she does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as you have no intentions of it going anywhere and it isn't overtly sexual, I don't see the problem with flirting. It makes life interesting. But I am a person who doesn't need male validation at the level OP seems to so I suspect that is a situation where I feel in control and secure nothing would happen whereas she does not.

I think it's definitely a problem if you can't control it, which apparently the OP can't.

[Anonymous]

OP can't help it...