Men, Affairs, Love and Compartments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. For both men and women who have affairs. Do you talk to your AP about your family? Wife and kids? Or is the off limits?

Op here. We talked about them all the time.

[Anonymous]

He just isn't that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are women so quick to equate the attitudes and actions of ONE man as the prevailing mindset and habits of ALL men?
Shit is ridiculous. Every dude is different- you wanna make sweeping allegations like that then your ass needs to be single until you grow the hell up.

+1 I think ppl do this because they can't accept that the person they love is flawed so they attribute their flaws to an entire gender.

[Anonymous]

They can because of biological necessity. We can's because of the same. It sucks ut it is what it is,

[Anonymous]

He compartmentalised his affair = I have compartmentalised our marriage (pending divorce). Now suddenly I am not so bad after all...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. For both men and women who have affairs. Do you talk to your AP about your family? Wife and kids? Or is the off limits?

Op here. We talked about them all the time.

Did he ever talk about leaving his wife and blending families?

[Anonymous]

As I grow old and more resentful against wife, I just found it easier to compartmentalize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious. For both men and women who have affairs. Do you talk to your AP about your family? Wife and kids? Or is the off limits?

Op here. We talked about them all the time.

Did he ever talk about leaving his wife and blending families?

Yes. He talked about how his kids would feel about having my kids as siblings. But he also at other times said he could never leave his family. He was very contradictory, which I guess means he was torn.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like he was very good at compartmentalizing his family when he was with you.

I'm female, but I compartmentalize my affairs. I never think about the AP when I'm with my family, and I never talk to AP about my family. I suppose it makes me a bit of a sociopath, but I just never think about what isn't right in front of me. I also have a hard time remembering to call my sister on her birthday, never think about friends I haven't seen for a while, etc. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Anonymous]

Do you think a man is more likely to leave his wife if he tells his ap that all he can think about is her and texts her whenever he is at home with his family?

[Anonymous]

How much sleazier can you get?

[Cassiopeia]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think a man is more likely to leave his wife if he tells his ap that all he can think about is her and texts her whenever he is at home with his family?

No, although I do think he's more likely to get caught. I think if a man is willing to cheat the odds of him leaving his wife are very low. Why would he, you know? I think if a man wants to leave, he'll leave. But I also think most divorces are initiated by women. I think it's possible for the husband to be deeply in love with the OW and still not ever leave his wife.

[Anonymous]

I cheat on my wife a lot, but it is all compartmentalized, and I do not have feelings for the other women and I am fairly certain they do not have feelings for me. sometimes affairs can be all about sex. Now once you start going grocery shopping or to candle-lit dinners, it has clearly past the point on unattached sex.

[Anonymous]

Cassiopeia wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think a man is more likely to leave his wife if he tells his ap that all he can think about is her and texts her whenever he is at home with his family?

No, although I do think he's more likely to get caught. I think if a man is willing to cheat the odds of him leaving his wife are very low. Why would he, you know? I think if a man wants to leave, he'll leave. But I also think most divorces are initiated by women. I think it's possible for the husband to be deeply in love with the OW and still not ever leave his wife.

It's not that easy for a man to leave. Most men want to live in the same house as their children.

[Anonymous]

When I had affairs, I cared for the men deeply but did not want to leave my husband for them. It's possible. It's not always so black and white. Just because you don't want to upend your life, it doesn't mean you don't care at all about the other person. You do. Just not as much as about all the other stuff.