For those who have a parent living with them, how do you handle socializing at home?

[Anonymous]

You may just need to tell your FIL ahead of time how the party would be and when it happens. He probably just does what he likes. He may stay a bit for food and some talk then disappear to his room as he may get tired. That is what my grandma (80 yo) does most of them time when someone comes over. Her hearing is not the best so noise doesn't bother her much.

[Anonymous]

70 is very different from 80...I can't have a phone convo, much less company, now that my mom moved in. I love her, but she offends people often and is critical of others (meaning, I will hear her opinions on them afterwards). You don't socialize. I try to think of it as reciprocal for the time they spent not socializing when they were taking care of us as babies. I know it's not the same, but it makes me feel guilty enough to not be upset.

I, too, am the sole provider with no family in the area. My brother is overseas and young (my mom had us super late in life and he is in his twenties; I just crossed over into the thirty club). I have really young kids, too. Want to be friends, OP, lol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is long. Just looking for other people's experiences in dealing with socializing at home while a parent lives with you. Thanks!

Well, here you are. FIL is very old with failing cognitive function, but still knows very well what to do with alcohol. He is not a mean or rowdy drunk, but he will stay at the table as long as the bottle is on it. We still entertain people in our house, but no bosses and only with people who are not uptight about our situation.
On the other hand, my own father, thank God, has all his faculties, but boy does he love to talk and be the center of attention. My parents live separately and I would have them over a lot more often, just with us or in more mixed company, if it were not for dad's personality.

[Anonymous]

We have a lot of live-in parents among our circle of friends (permanent situations and lots of long-term visits). The parents are often around for initial socializing and dinner as well, then often take their leave as a PP suggested to watch their evening shows, or just have a break. None of our friends have slowed down on the socialization front because of it, though I think it does help that it's the cultural norm among this particular group of friends to have parents or other relatives on hand at any given point in time.

That said, my own FIL can really eat up all the air in the room and we do not invite friends over for dinner when he and MIL are visiting; he dominates the conversation and it's not any fun for me or DH. In your case, I'd probably try to keep to normal routine and invite your friends over as usual and see how it goes. Invite your FIL and make him feel welcome. Good guests will give you a lot of grace for a new situation. He may want to stay, or not. If it doesn't work out, for whatever reason, then you may want to start socializing with those friends in a different setting (i.e. restaurant, or keep it to nice weather when you can be more casual outside).

[Anonymous]

My MIL & FIL live in the in-law suite downstairs. We entertain a lot and we talked with them about this. They asked for a few things, and we asked for a few things.

They asked that they could get to know our friends, so they would know who we were talking about with them.
They asked that we not entertain at home two nights in a row.
They asked that we not dump the kids on them every time and make them feel like unpaid babysitters.

We asked that, likewise, we get to know their main friends.
We asked that they let us know when they wanted to entertain (they have a kitchen and small dining room - room for six).

On the rare occasion we ARE entertaining two nights in a row, we do try to involve them in one of the nights, and also send them out to a nice dinner one of the nights. We also will do cocktails at home and then go out with our guests to a restaurant, so the in-laws don't have to hear us up laughing late at night.

I think because we talked about things like this when we were talking about them moving in, it's easier now to say "Gordon, DH's boss and wife are coming over tonight. He really needs to feel like the alpha, so can you and Marge kind of hang back rather than take the lead in the socializing?" and he'll try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL & FIL live in the in-law suite downstairs. We entertain a lot and we talked with them about this. They asked for a few things, and we asked for a few things.

They asked that they could get to know our friends, so they would know who we were talking about with them.
They asked that we not entertain at home two nights in a row.
They asked that we not dump the kids on them every time and make them feel like unpaid babysitters.

We asked that, likewise, we get to know their main friends.
We asked that they let us know when they wanted to entertain (they have a kitchen and small dining room - room for six).

On the rare occasion we ARE entertaining two nights in a row, we do try to involve them in one of the nights, and also send them out to a nice dinner one of the nights. We also will do cocktails at home and then go out with our guests to a restaurant, so the in-laws don't have to hear us up laughing late at night.

I think because we talked about things like this when we were talking about them moving in, it's easier now to say "Gordon, DH's boss and wife are coming over tonight. He really needs to feel like the alpha, so can you and Marge kind of hang back rather than take the lead in the socializing?" and he'll try.

I'm a PP - this all sounds so amazingly healthy and kind! What a great system.