Teen counselling/ therapy

[Anonymous]

And sometimes I feel so alone in dealing with this,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Our therapists said that right away, he said not to ask him anything about what they talk about.

My son's therapist graduated in 2008, he likes him.

PP, did counselling alone help with the depression?

DC did anti-depressants, too. We think the medication helped but DC is not so sure. We tried several types of meds. A year later, DC is in such a good place that he wants to discontinue the medication; we've said he should go a little further into the school year, just to be sure it doesn't get too stressful, and then we're all for supporting him while he tries to go off the medication. But we'll keep the therapist (at Rathbone), who he's really bonded with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't usually tell me he breaks things, I usually see later. I'm feeling sick to my stomach about all this.

You have my sympathy and I am with you. Parenting is hard and working out what goes through in another persons mind. So when you see it later, does he leave it for you to clean up, or does he clean up and you find it? What does he break. Other people's property or his own? like does he smash a mirror, destroy his favorite toy or does he smash something of yours?

I think these could be tell tale signs of what goes on. If he does it immediately, he probably is just unable to control his emotions. But if he bottles it and say after the issue, he brews about it for an hour or two and then goes to his room and smashes things, that is more worry some but its built up anger and its his release mechanism which needs to be addressed. Then there are things on whether its his own things or he takes it out other people's things.

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

15
He broke his cell phone charger when it wasn't cooperating.
I have found marks on his wall. I think he takes something like a toy and hits the wall with it. There are tiny scratches on his wall. Not deep but the paint is scraped off. Things like that. I can't think of other items he broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Our therapists said that right away, he said not to ask him anything about what they talk about.

My son's therapist graduated in 2008, he likes him.

PP, did counselling alone help with the depression?

DC did anti-depressants, too. We think the medication helped but DC is not so sure. We tried several types of meds. A year later, DC is in such a good place that he wants to discontinue the medication; we've said he should go a little further into the school year, just to be sure it doesn't get too stressful, and then we're all for supporting him while he tries to go off the medication. But we'll keep the therapist (at Rathbone), who he's really bonded with.

Sounds like therapy really helped. That is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15
He broke his cell phone charger when it wasn't cooperating.
I have found marks on his wall. I think he takes something like a toy and hits the wall with it. There are tiny scratches on his wall. Not deep but the paint is scraped off. Things like that. I can't think of other items he broke.

I am not an expert but it seems mild and hence probably can be worked out. Many people cope differently and he just needs to work it out. I had a friend who broke up with his girl friend and she was cheating on him and after learning the news, he was so angry he drove his car into a wall. Spur of the moment anger, silly (bye bye Lexus) but its how he dealt with the emotion.

So things like therapy will work out these instanfces privately..... and work through like if something is not working, will smashing it help? it wouldn't and you need to direct that anger. Sure, it is normal to be upset it is not working but how do you bring it down. How can you redirect it? you don't supress the anger by ignoring it. Because it will just build up.


Anyway have a read. This could help. Give you an insight.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/explosive-child-ross-w-greene/1101042528?ean=9780061906190


My daughter manipulated herself and she cuts herself when she is frustrated. She couldn't cope and we were frightened she will one day hurt herself. But she is 18 now... and so far so good and she writes a diary on success of coping etc.... All the signs of anxiety in her younger days were there too, bedwetting, chewing stationary and nails big big time, meltdowns, staying away, exploding, yelling at friends, throwing cordless phones, smashing a laptop keyboard when she had virus, kicking a printer till we had to throw it out, throwing out her whole drawer of stationary because one pen wont work, ripping books, deliberately throwing her lunch box in the bin because the zip got stuck (and her school counselor picked up behind her and fortunately took this as another example to teach her after) etc.


Good luck

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing, I didn't want to get into this but I will now.
Ds cut once in June, that's when we started therapy. He said it was once only. Two weeks ago I saw marks again. I KNOW he was cutting, he denies it. It KILLS me to see the marks.

I am not dealing well with this. I might need therapy myself.
I'm sick to my stomach.
But he is staunchly opposed to any meds. That scares me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for sharing, I didn't want to get into this but I will now.
Ds cut once in June, that's when we started therapy. He said it was once only. Two weeks ago I saw marks again. I KNOW he was cutting, he denies it. It KILLS me to see the marks.

I am not dealing well with this. I might need therapy myself.
I'm sick to my stomach.
But he is staunchly opposed to any meds. That scares me.

[Anonymous]

Don't go straight for meds. Lots is going through his head. Deny, accept but he can't cope. Discuss with a doc, read more and then say the right things too. It all helps reinforces what he should do.

Maybe what he doesn't need is meds. He needs to work at it. when my dd cut, she also denied it. but i could always see some scars, blood on her coat cuffs, little bit of blood on the bed. after cutting, she redirected started chewing hard on things as a coping mechanism. just like people clench their fist or grind their teeth. So in her room all these bottle caps, pen caps and other plastic will be chewed flat. It was then her way of coping.

So what I am saying is that it wont go away. he will redirect until he finds a middle ground and a more socially accepted behavior. some people when they are so angry or anxious will go play a game or have a punch bag to "exercise" and let off steam. My younger days I will also go to a salon to cut off all my hair and change the look when I am angry.

So my daughter still gets angry..... but throwing things is now not one of them. She still gets anxious and bites her nailes and pens and sometimes in the quiet of her own room, chews on disposable bottles, plastic, discount cards etc and we let her be because those are more acceptable. She still grinds her teeth, squeeze stress balls when angry but she no longer throws things out a window or kick things in the house. What you need to do is give him other avenues to let off steam and let him reconize it. you don't surpress it with meds in my opinion.....

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my son, he is a chewer too. I don't want meds but it scares me for example, that if he was depressed, he wouldn't take them, if needed.

In any event, hopefully therapy will help because what I am doing isn't working.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand that you are scared. It is a horrible position for a parent, watching a child go through this. My daughter had a terrible time in adolescence and spent many years in therapy. Today she is amazingly mature and living a healthy productive life. But you can't make it happen by force of will. You have to give it time.

I also had a terrible adolescence and worked with a therapist. So it was hard for me to see my daughter go through something similar. But here's what I learned from my experience, which I saw replicated in my daughter's. We both struggled with depression and anxiety early in life but working with a skilled therapist showed us that we didn't have to accept the pain and fear we lived with. I think it made us both stronger adults.

Of course, there's no guarantee your son will come out of this but in some respects it's better for him to face his demons sooner rather than putting it off and reinforcing destructive patterns that worsen as he grows older. It is hard to watch but hang in there and let him work it through. Good luck. I've been where both you and your son are and I know it's scary from both sides. You are in my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

I will give it time. I just worry he won't open up fully to the therapist. I mean I think he talks but maybe he doesn't tell everything. I don't know.
He is also stubborn, so I worry he won't take what he learns and apply it in this daily life. I try to teach him relaxation techniques and he acts annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rathbone Associates in Bethesda, if that's near you.

+1. They're great.

I would ignore the posters who say you should just try to work this out first. With teens you really have no idea whats going on under the surface and it sounds like your DS is externalizing some kind of inner pain. This could ultimately become dangerous. There is no downside at all with therapy except the cost and time. Many kids go. It saved my DD. And, BTW, I minimized some early signs in my mind and then things got bad. Wish I had acted sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will give it time. I just worry he won't open up fully to the therapist. I mean I think he talks but maybe he doesn't tell everything. I don't know.
He is also stubborn, so I worry he won't take what he learns and apply it in this daily life. I try to teach him relaxation techniques and he acts annoyed.

Wrong move, do not give it time. You can't worry about him opening up with a therapist, thats the therapist's job. They do this all day long and know what they are doing. It really sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of getting help for your DS. Just get him help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Our therapists said that right away, he said not to ask him anything about what they talk about.

My son's therapist graduated in 2008, he likes him.

PP, did counselling alone help with the depression?

DC did anti-depressants, too. We think the medication helped but DC is not so sure. We tried several types of meds. A year later, DC is in such a good place that he wants to discontinue the medication; we've said he should go a little further into the school year, just to be sure it doesn't get too stressful, and then we're all for supporting him while he tries to go off the medication. But we'll keep the therapist (at Rathbone), who he's really bonded with.

Sounds like therapy really helped. That is great.

PP here. I think the therapy did help. I can't say for sure that it was the major factor relative to other factors, however. I want to be really honest about this because I don't want to hold out false hope for OP. For example, I really don't know how much the medication helped, whether it made a huge difference, or none at all as DC seems to think. I suppose we will find out when DC starts to phase off the medication. Another thing going on is that DC is one year older, and we all know how much their brains are developing during the teen years. Also, some external factors in DC's life changed, which I don't want to go into because I don't want to give DC's secrets away here, but the change in these external factors may have helped too.

I will say that DC has a great bond with the current therapist and enjoys going to therapy. We use Rathbone, which came as a recommendation from other families we know who used them. Rathbone specializes in teens and you can get Rathbone therapists who do a combination of talk therapy, working on specific personal issues, and cognitive behavior therapy. I would recommend against a therapist who bills himself/herself as a sort of jack-of-all-trades doing family therapy, children, marriage counseling, job loss and the works. That's the route we went initially, the guy really had no plan (and he was also a bit of an aggressive jerk, unfortunately) and the whole thing initially alienated DC from therapy. So as I said before, give a therapist a month, and if DC doesn't click with the therapist or you can't see some sort of plan or strategy to the therapy (you wouldn't see improvement this early), move on quickly!