Is your life turning out like you planned?

[Anonymous]

Not at all - I expected to marry and have children. Well I never did meet that one (at least not yet) but I adopted a child at 40 and she is the love of my life. I have a job (not exactly what I envisioned) but it is stable and pays the bills. We are happy and most importantly healthy.

[Anonymous]

I'm 35, in a relationship (not married) but no kids (and do not want kids). My life is not at all how I expected, but I think it turned out for the better so far.

I've seen so many of my married friends have all kinds of marriage problems, especially with the strain having kids adds. They are all chronically stressed, frustrated with their spouse (at best), and worried or angry. I value companionship over being married, and I'm happy being the fun, cool, energetic auntie. 30 years ago I would be considered the the loser, sad spinster - but I feel very fortunate.

I have more disposable income, can sleep in, am in good shape, like where I live, and feel pretty happy most days - even though life is quite different than how I imagined a "perfect picture" to look like when I was a kid.

Like OP, I no longer speak to my brother because of his mental health issues (bipolar at best, BPD at worst), but I also see this move as a positive, as my life is made better by not dealing with him.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much, yes.

[Anonymous]

I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all - I expected to marry and have children. Well I never did meet that one (at least not yet) but I adopted a child at 40 and she is the love of my life. I have a job (not exactly what I envisioned) but it is stable and pays the bills. We are happy and most importantly healthy.

Similar to me! Never married, as I thought for sure I would have....after 5 years of failed fertility treatments I finally adopted the PERFECT baby girl for me almost 1 year ago. I am 46 now. Also, after several "bad fits" employment wise, I finally found a GREAT fit, where I am appreciated. My job has greatly expanded to maximize my strengths. Finally, I have seen a lot more of the world than I thought I ever would...and more to come. So, overall, I am VERY lucky on many fronts. I am extremely grateful. To sum it all up....YES, not as I had envisioned...But MUCH, MUCH better...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Incredibly better

Same here. I grew up working class and now have a master's degree, I've traveled, I have risen in my career and live a comfortable middle to upper middle class life. My marriage could be better but overall we are very happy. I have a thriving child that I adore and great friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

You sound materialistic. Just a judgment. Not meant to be snarky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

Someone that marries a wealthy jew is probably not posting on DCUM on Rosh Hashanah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was supposed to marry a wealthy Jew and shop at Saks., host dinner parties, volunteer for a select non-profit. This did not happen.

I am disappointed that I am still buying clothes for myself at Old Navy in my 40's and driving a 13 year old car. I know these are just trappings, but I feel as if I have let my ancestors down not only by failing to continue to step up the socioeconomic ladder, but by falling down several rungs.

You sound materialistic. Just a judgment. Not meant to be snarky.

I know a handful of Jewish girls living the life PP once thought she'd have. If it's the cultural norm I can totally understand her frustration. Hell I am not even Jewish and even I get jealous of these girls' lives!

[Anonymous]

There have been countless moments with my wife and with my children and with people in Africa that are so much richer and deeper than anything I imagined.

Career, finances and economic stresses are way worse than I had planned. Pretty much nothing positive has happened in those parts of my life in more than a decade.

As I get older, I focus on the moments. All of my "plans" are in a burning paper bag on the front porch. (at least I have a paper bag and a porch!)

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time at the moment OP.

Hang in there and don't say f**k it, because life can have positive surprises as much as it can have disappointing surprises.

We've got to live it through to find out how it turns out, and what we learned from it.

[Anonymous]

My life didn't turn out like I planned, but my plans keep refining. I had one vision of my future in my 20s, another in my 30s. Now I'm about to turn 40 and things have changed again.

In my early 20s I thought I'd marry my high school sweetheart and live a comfortable middle-class lifestyle

In my early 30s I thought my DH (who turned out to be someone other than my high school sweetheart) and I would have incredible financial success after grad school, own a house, have stable careers, and two children

Now I'm approaching my 40s with a decent, but not incredibly exciting job, too much student and credit card debt, no house, and one beautiful DD but no hope of another. It's not what I planned at any point, but I do plan for my 40s to dig myself out of debt, find some career happiness, and enjoy my wonderful DD's childhood years to the fullest. And I'm sure life will happen, and all kinds of things that I didn't plan will come along - all I can do is embrace the change and live the life I've got.

Sometimes I look back and I'm frustrated because I can pinpoint the exact three "big" choices I made that led me to this point. And I think, if only I'd done things differently...But I didn't. And looking back doesn't help, so I try to focus only on looking forward.

[Anonymous]

I didn't really have a long-term plan. But I knew to work hard and live life being true to myself. So far, I am very happy with the results, even though I probably would not have imagined myself doing exactly what I am doing now.

I have been married for 15 years, mostly happy, not always, but I never regret my choice. I love my neighborhood, although I would probably move to about a block away if I were to do it all over again. I have a wonderful child who goes to a great school with an amazing community. I work full-time as an attorney at a job that I don't hate. I do a lot of volunteer work for the school and the community. I have a very broad assortment of friends who mean a lot to me. I travel frequently. And, I party like a rock star. Overall I'm very happy. Who knows where I will be in another 10 years?

[Anonymous]

I did not plan but had certain expectations. I never thought I'd marry a man who would cheat and then dump his family for a home wrecking whore. I thought I was a good judge of character.

I have learned to appreciate the good things in my life: healthy happy child, job, my health, friends, having a roof over my head. Before I did not like the roof I lived under. I wanted a bigger roof. I hated my job from which I got laid off. I'm starting over. Didn't ever think that I'd be in this position at this age, or any age for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not plan but had certain expectations. I never thought I'd marry a man who would cheat and then dump his family for a home wrecking whore. I thought I was a good judge of character.

I have learned to appreciate the good things in my life: healthy happy child, job, my health, friends, having a roof over my head. Before I did not like the roof I lived under. I wanted a bigger roof. I hated my job from which I got laid off. I'm starting over. Didn't ever think that I'd be in this position at this age, or any age for that matter.

It seems like you have a great opportunity for a fresh start without any of the negative baggage. Good luck! Stay positive, and good things will come.