My step daughter is troubled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all of the suggestions and great advice. There are so many great strategies here. Money is an issue, but not insurmountable. It's really about time. Bio mom has kids on her own for the whole school year and works full time, and I know, and sympethize, that time is a big issue for her. It's easier to hope the issue will correct itself or that she will "apply herself" this year rather than take the hard steps. DH is also not off the hook. He has them all summer long, with me to help out. He's military and he works and travels a lot, but he is not deployed and he also needs to support this effort per the great suggestions above.

"Or that she will apply herself this year...."

This quote just made me so sad, because to me it epitomizes the lack of understanding people have about learning disabilities. Kid's with learning disabilities often suffering for years hearing from their teachers and parents that they must .... "work harder" "try harder" "apply yourself" "be more careful" "pay more attention" "be self-motivated" "take responsibility" "be more mature" ..... I could go on and on.

It's fair to say that most parents AND teachers don't understand learning disabilities. A learning disability doesn't occur because a kid isn't trying, it occurs because there is a neurological difference in the brain that results in the child being unable to attend or learning in the same manner as most students. What LD kids need is a proper diagnosis and "specialized instruction" tailored to their learning disability. Would you tell a kid with a physical disability that they just had to "run faster" in PE? No, that would be ridiculous.

Kids with LDs don't need to "try harder," they need to "try differently." They need specialized instruction different from the kind of general instruction provided to kids in general at school. For example, a kid with dyslexia needs explicit, multi-sensory, repetitive instruction in a sound/symbol reading program like Wilson Reading, Phonographix, Orton-Gillingham, etc. They may also need "specialized instruction" in reading comprehension through visualization programs like Lindamood Bell or organizational retelling templates like MindWings. And, they may need a specialized "encoding" (aka spelling) program.

LD kids withdraw and begin to have behavior problems because even when they try their hardest, they still fail. And all the people that they love around them and the people who are supposed to know how to teach them just blame them, the LD child, for not trying hard enough. Even though our family is supportive and knowledgeable about LDs at home because of a family history, the in-school dynamic from ignorant teachers and peers had my dysgrahpic and stealth dyslexic DC seriously depressed and saying things like "I'm stupid" and hating school by the middle of 2nd grade. In 3rd grade, he had a teacher who was often angry at him over things that had to do with his LD and DC was having tearful meltdowns in class. Can you imagine what a kid who makes it all the way to high school without any support must feel?

BTW, re: "hard steps" -- you will find that in the end, it is much easier to get a diagnosis, fight for an IEP and/or pay for private support, tutoring or private school than it is to try to manage an undiagnosed LD kid in a downward spiral.