What schools are effective in minimizing "mean girl" behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I attended a "well-known NWDC private" with the meanest girls I've ever known. You have just chosen to surround your daughter with wealthier mean girls. You are doing your child a disservice to assume that this stuff does not go on in private school--they might not be into Bratz dolls but there will be many other ways in which the girls will pull rank, put down, etc.

Are you saying that wealthier girls at schools tend to be more mean? Is this really true?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know if this is your intention because I certainly don't question your desire to find a school that discourages mean girl behavior and conspicuous consumption. But are you attributing your niece's behavior to the school? Or is it just that your niece's behavior started you thinking about school environments?

OP here. PP, I certainly 'had a talk' , a few of them, with my niece as these incidents happened. My brother and sister-in-law did as well, but unfortunately a lot of this behavior happened when they weren't around. I've talked to them about this, and they are aware of the problem; how they deal with it and whether we'll be staying at their house for next year's holidays (they live on the West Coast) are still a question!. It was especially painful because my DD has really been improving her sharing skills a lately (through her interactions with her younger brother) and I didn't want her to start 'learning' new bullying behavior from her older cousin. Luckily our two weeks with my niece haven't seemed to affect her too much, and she's not asking for any HSM or Bratz.

I'm certainly not attributing my niece's behavior solely to the school; and your latter comment--that her behavior started my thinking about school environments -- is spot on. I noticed that my niece was snarky about anything that she didn't consider "cool" (HSM, Hannah Montana, Bratz), a concept I'm sure she picked up at school. I just think parents and schools have to be working together to combat, or at least minimize mean-girl behavior and anything that can contribute to it. I really dont know much about HSM and Bratz and all that (this is still new to me and to my DD, who fortunately didn't pick up on the ideas from her cousin) but from what I've seen it seems Bratz girl dolls do have a 'mean' look and attitude to them, and I can't imagine these new products being aggressively marketed to pretween girls (I was horrified to find HSM underpants in a toddler size 3!) are having a positive influence on their attitudes or behavior. Whether there's any real direct correlation between these pop culture influences and mean girl behavior, I don't know. But all I know is that I dislike both and will try to the extent possible to minimize them when my daughter enters school (wish me luck..)

To the poster who mentioned Sheridan, can you please explain further why it's effective in handling this girl-on-girl bullying?

Thanks for all of your great input--lots of food for thought.

[Anonymous]

wow - if you are worried about 5 year old behavior you are in for a long bumpy ride. I think schools can do a certain amount but it doesn't really control it entirely. DD's current school is a wealthy girls school (not NCS) and there are some mean girls and some great girls. I dont think there are more there than at a co-ed school, or that it is correlated with wealth, or that you can be shielded from it by going to a private school.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe anyone would say or imply that Hannah Montanna show would foster "mean girl" behavior. This was funny to me. My daughter attends Sidwell (K) and likes the show mostly because she loves to sing and dance. I don't even think at 5 or 6 a child really understands what is "cool" and what is not. The issue about the cousin not playing with the five year old is common. Kids at that age get selective on who they like and for what reason. My daughter does not exclude the girl or boys in her class that don't like Hannah Montana. Its just not something they talk about. What she doesn't like is the child who hits or pushes. If your worried about this at 5 you better wake up and get some thick skin because in a few years your daughter will be judged on stupid things like her hair, her clothes, etc whether in public or private. Its everywhere and you have to start building confidence in your daughter NOW. We are one of the families that has NO money after paying for tuition and we have started to build confidence in her because we know in time she will come home and say why can't I have the coach handbag, etc. Please don't blame a show for mean girl behavior. I know kids who aren't allowed to watch tv at all and they are not the nicest kids in the world and have just as much a mean streak as those who are allowed to watch Hannah Montana!!

[Anonymous]

My daughter's preschool (yes, preschool) squashes mean girl behavior instantly. It's been on the rise lately, says the director. I just tell my daughter to stay away from any girl (or boy, for that matter) who is rude to her or to others and to surround herself with kids who are kind and funny.

Alienation is the best way to defeat mean girls!

[Anonymous]

Burgundy makes a big deal about nipping that stuff in the bud. My dc is so little the issue hasn't arisen yet but the teachers in elementary & middle school say that they jump on it, fast, when it comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90210 (both the original and the new version) is a perfect example of how Hollywood glamorizes mean girl behavior. Talk about a perfect show on which to model such behavior. Other 80s shows that Hollywood-ize mean girls that come to mind are Facts of Life and Square Pegs and Little House on the Prarie. Yes, I bet there were mean girls before tv even existed, or at least since before the media mammoth we call Hollywood existed but, dis-avowing any connection between these types of shows and behavior exihibited by young, impressionable girls is irresoponsible.

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this makes no sense to me! I grew up in the 80s and loved Facts of Life and Little House on the Prairie, and neither of them glorified mean girl behavior at all. Nellie on LHOTP was the one everyone disliked because she was mean, and on FOL, if there was mean girl behavior it was always to be an object lesson and was rectified by the end of the episode, and mostly the four girls were good friends and didn't do mean girl stuff at all. I never did watch 90210 so can't comment on that...

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting. The apple does not fall far......
I am always amazed at the "meaness" that is displayed on the DCUM Boards. It is really amazing what people will say when they can say it anonymously - well, those are the same discussions that are overhead by our little ones in the privaacy of our homes.

Mean parents breed mean children. We all have a responsibility to teach our children tolerance and kindness. Many of the local private schools have parent cliques that foster meaness - no surprises that they have bred mean children.

[Anonymous]

When I went on a tour of Burgundy I specifically asked about how they handle bullying and they said they teach 'conflict resolution' and allow the kids to try to work out conflicts directly with each other. I wonder if any Burgundy parent can address how this works and how effective this is?

[Anonymous]

After scanning this thread, all I can say is thank God I have boys.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90210 (both the original and the new version) is a perfect example of how Hollywood glamorizes mean girl behavior. Talk about a perfect show on which to model such behavior. Other 80s shows that Hollywood-ize mean girls that come to mind are Facts of Life and Square Pegs and Little House on the Prarie. Yes, I bet there were mean girls before tv even existed, or at least since before the media mammoth we call Hollywood existed but, dis-avowing any connection between these types of shows and behavior exihibited by young, impressionable girls is irresoponsible.

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this makes no sense to me! I grew up in the 80s and loved Facts of Life and Little House on the Prairie, and neither of them glorified mean girl behavior at all. Nellie on LHOTP was the one everyone disliked because she was mean, and on FOL, if there was mean girl behavior it was always to be an object lesson and was rectified by the end of the episode, and mostly the four girls were good friends and didn't do mean girl stuff at all. I never did watch 90210 so can't comment on that...

Really? Did you watch the same FOL that I did? Blair was a mean girl. She was the rich girl. She was the pretty girl. She had all the boyfriends. AND she was the mean girl! She made fun of Jo for being poor. She usually ended up showing that underneath all that she could be nice but, she was a total mean girl. Hello?

As for Nellie on LHOTP, yes, few liked her but, she was the richest and had the prettiest dresses and hair (if you were into that style in ther late 1800s) and so, even though she was the mean girl and she usually got what she deserved in the end, she had it pretty good regardless. No working in the fields or trying to grab chicken eggs from pecking hens for her.

[Anonymous]

maybe i'm wrong but regardless of whether 'facts of life' exhibited mean-girl behavior or not, i dont think many 5y-olds watched the show (dont know much about LHOTP). what's disturbing is that kindergarten girls are crazy about these bratz dolls who make blair of 'facts of life' look like a real prude. bratz dolls seem to be all about make-up, shopping, and vampy clothes. not things i want my 5-yr-old DD to be obssessed about.

[Anonymous]

Regarding Burgundy and "mean girl" behavior..... I think one of the most important and wonderful things about Burgundy is the parents. Parents don't send their children to Burgundy (in my experience) for social reasons. They are not into country clubs, pecking orders, etc. Their kids' behavior (in general) reflects this attitude. Social posturing is not something the kids see at home, and therefore don't imitate at school. No one cares who lives in a big house, or who wears what kind of clothes. Of course, there are a few exceptions, but this is the general feeling at the school.