Have you forgiven a spouse that cheated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I didn't forgive him. I had to pretend I did though. Here I was with a 3mo baby, no job, cross country from my family, and I get a phone call from the love of his life who is just dying to set the record straight. He confessed to everything, begged me to forgive him. He also begged me not to tell anything to his family, who thought he was their pride and joy. So I bit my lip, I went to therapy, I pretended it was all rosy until I got back on my feet and got a job. It was tough pretending for almost 2 years, but I did it. Then I kicked him out and told his parents that their dear son was a cheating bastard. Because you don't cheat on your pregnant wife. You don't tell you so -called girlfriend that you don't really want that baby and then try to act like Father of the Year.

You want to call me a bitch? Yes, I am a bitch and proud of it.

I think you are amazing. A strong person and a very strong mom.

[Anonymous]

No, I didn't. But I waited it out for a couple of years while I prepared financially, mentally, and emotionally for the split.

[Anonymous]

17:45, where are you now? mDid you get divorced? Alimony and child support?

[Anonymous]

I eventually forgave him, but I broke up with him first. It was devastating but I'm really clear: I deserve to be with someone who loves and respects me so much, they are honest, even when it hurts. It took about 6 months of separation for him to deeply regret the cheating and say/do all the right things. Accepting him back was much more about things he then did than what he said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I didn't forgive him. I had to pretend I did though. Here I was with a 3mo baby, no job, cross country from my family, and I get a phone call from the love of his life who is just dying to set the record straight. He confessed to everything, begged me to forgive him. He also begged me not to tell anything to his family, who thought he was their pride and joy. So I bit my lip, I went to therapy, I pretended it was all rosy until I got back on my feet and got a job. It was tough pretending for almost 2 years, but I did it. Then I kicked him out and told his parents that their dear son was a cheating bastard. Because you don't cheat on your pregnant wife. You don't tell you so -called girlfriend that you don't really want that baby and then try to act like Father of the Year.

You want to call me a bitch? Yes, I am a bitch and proud of it.

I think you are amazing. A strong person and a very strong mom.

You are awesome! Focus, patience, clarity that you deserve better, and strong boundaries are vital in these situations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many people have forgiven themselves for cheating?

I don't know about "forgiving" myself, but I do know that after being on all 3 sides of the "infidelity triangle" in one long-term relationship (I was cheated on, cheated with, and I cheated), I realized cheating was toxic to my life on all fronts and I vowed never to do it. I've had several opportunities to cheat or be cheated with since then and avoided them all for the last 18 yrs. it helps to be so clear that no matter how tempting in the moment it is, it's never worth the inevitable shitty karma and drama. And both ALWAYS occur, even if you don't connect them with cheating.

[Anonymous]

I think of the immortal words of Chris Rock:

"A woman forgives, but she don't never forget!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people have forgiven themselves for cheating?

I don't know about "forgiving" myself, but I do know that after being on all 3 sides of the "infidelity triangle" in one long-term relationship (I was cheated on, cheated with, and I cheated), I realized cheating was toxic to my life on all fronts and I vowed never to do it. I've had several opportunities to cheat or be cheated with since then and avoided them all for the last 18 yrs. it helps to be so clear that no matter how tempting in the moment it is, it's never worth the inevitable shitty karma and drama. And both ALWAYS occur, even if you don't connect them with cheating.

I don't know about "forgiving" myself either, I am not there yet and not sure that will ever come to pass but I do realize the hurt I caused and have vowed to never do it again-and I won't. Totally not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I eventually forgave him, but I broke up with him first. It was devastating but I'm really clear: I deserve to be with someone who loves and respects me so much, they are honest, even when it hurts. It took about 6 months of separation for him to deeply regret the cheating and say/do all the right things. Accepting him back was much more about things he then did than what he said.

Mine has done not done or said the right things. Blames me. I'm divorcing him.