Do you call your ILs mom and dad?

[Anonymous]

My dad always called his ILs Mr. / Mrs. Lastname. Funny, stilted and formal in retrospect, although my parents were married in 1960, so that's perhaps a sign of that time.

On the other hand, I call my ILs by their first names or, increasingly by their cutesy grandparent names.

Resisted calling them mom and dad because I have my own parents, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

My dad always called his ILs Mr. / Mrs. Lastname. Funny, stilted and formal in retrospect, although my parents were married in 1960, so that's perhaps a sign of that time.

On the other hand, I call my ILs by their first names or, increasingly by their cutesy grandparent names.

Resisted calling them mom and dad because I have my own parents, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

They want me to, but I have my own Mom and Dad.

[Anonymous]

No. But ten my husband calls them by their first names too

[Anonymous]

My mother called them "Mom - last name" & "Dad - last name" Sort of the hybrid of mom & Mrs. "Husband's last Name"

[Anonymous]

No, I don't but they really wanted me to and this caused a lot of tension right after we got married. I am of the "I have my own mom and dad" school of thought. Not only that but my mom passed away when I was a kid and there was no way in hell I was going to be pushed into calling someone else "mom." I had to explain this multiple times to my ILs and DH before they finally dropped it.

[Anonymous]

I either call them mom and dad or MawMa and PawPa (if the kids are around).

[Anonymous]

God no.

I try to avoid calling them anything at all.

[Anonymous]

We both have good relationships with our parents. I will call my MIL "Mom" but only when in context, e.g. when we are visiting or talking with my wife's side of the family. However, if my kids are around, I call her "Grammy" (they are preschoolers, so it helps them if we all call her the same thing). If just my wife and I and there may be context issues, I call her by her first name. My wife tends to always call my parents by their titles, Nai-nai and Ye-ye (grandma and grandpa in Chinese) whether the kids are around or not, although 90% of the time, they are around. She has called them Mom and Dad on occasion, but usually not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God no.

I try to avoid calling them anything at all.

This. But first names when necessary. MIL is a step who has only been around a year longer than I have, so DH calls her by her first name too. And I use her first name when referring to her with the children as well--she is not their grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resisted calling them mom and dad because I have my own parents, thank you very much.

I've never really understood this concept. We say that we don't love one child more than another, that we have enough love to spread around for all of our children, but we don't have enough love to spread to other parents? My MIL may not be my mother, but she raised and cared for the person I care the most about in the world and for that I will cherish her and value her and love her. Loving my MIL in no way diminishes my love for my own mother or replaces my own mother anymore than having a second child diminished or replaced my love for my first child.

Why do so many people feel that there can only be one mother? Many people have more than one mother, whether a birth/adoptive mother, a birth/step mother or two mothers in a same-sex marriage. Context means everything and good/bad interactions with those people can determine and unequal relationships (a stepmother who treats her stepchildren poorly or a birth mother who was abusive, etc), but if the new person treats you well, why so much resistence to calling the parent of your spouse, the person who raised the person you love, mother?

[Anonymous]

I've successfully avoided calling them anything for 25 years because I never knew what to call them and it was never made clear/comfortable.

My husband calls my parents Mom and Dad, and he's very close to them, while he doesn't feel a warm connection to his biological parents.

[Anonymous]

In my culture, we call ILs mom and dad. So this is not weird to me. I would not prefer to call the same way as I call my parents though (I called my parents with my mother tongue language).

[Anonymous]

Hell no. They are not my parents. I call them by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resisted calling them mom and dad because I have my own parents, thank you very much.

I've never really understood this concept. We say that we don't love one child more than another, that we have enough love to spread around for all of our children, but we don't have enough love to spread to other parents? My MIL may not be my mother, but she raised and cared for the person I care the most about in the world and for that I will cherish her and value her and love her. Loving my MIL in no way diminishes my love for my own mother or replaces my own mother anymore than having a second child diminished or replaced my love for my first child.

Why do so many people feel that there can only be one mother? Many people have more than one mother, whether a birth/adoptive mother, a birth/step mother or two mothers in a same-sex marriage. Context means everything and good/bad interactions with those people can determine and unequal relationships (a stepmother who treats her stepchildren poorly or a birth mother who was abusive, etc), but if the new person treats you well, why so much resistence to calling the parent of your spouse, the person who raised the person you love, mother?

My children are all related to me directly. My ILs are my DH's parents. I do not love them as I love my parents, and never will. It's not about diminishing the love I have for my own mother. It's about the difference in the relationship.

Also, while some people have more than one mother (birth mother vs. adoptive mother, mother vs. stepmother), in general people relate to only one of those women as Mother. Mother is by definition a singular role.