When to pull the plug?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I can't imagine kicking one of my children out if they were actively looking for jobs and couldn't find one because of the economy. If he wasn't really trying to find a new job and was spending all day playing video games that would be a totally different story. In that case giving him a deadline and sticking to it might give him the kick he needs to find a job. In this case though it kind of seems like kicking him when he's down which is a pretty awful thing to do to your child just because you want the house to yourself.

ITA
I think as a parent you want your child to know that he can always rely on you. He's going through tough times and instead of supporting him and being there for him, you are stressing him out even more.

I agree.

If he really does have marketable skills (it sounds like he does), I would help him with his resume and his job hunt. The process is not at all instinctive and telling him to "find a job" is likely insufficient. I fully expect to help my young adult children with the process when the time comes.

If you cannot help him effectively, consider engaging a career coach to do so.

I'm also stunned by this post.

[Anonymous]

I'm 16:06 and I just wanted to add one more thing. What exactly would you have him do? If he's already doing everything he can to find a job what would kicking him out of the house accomplish? Do you want him to have to struggle to find somewhere halfway decent to live while barely getting by? That's incredibly selfish of you.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you don't have room for your older son unless you have moved to a smaller house since he graduated. Did you turn his old room into something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think that a year should definitely be enough time for him to have gotten a job.

I think not, not under this economy and under this president. Many college graduates have had trouble finding jobs the last few years. You should wait it out until the next administration, when, hopefully, the economy will take off.

BS. Engineers in a population dense, low unemployment area (here!) from a good school do NOT have issues finding jobs. They may not find the cherry picking jobs of boom times, but this is a case of laziness .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think that a year should definitely be enough time for him to have gotten a job.

I think not, not under this economy and under this president. Many college graduates have had trouble finding jobs the last few years. You should wait it out until the next administration, when, hopefully, the economy will take off.

right Obama is keeping her son from getting a job. Keep that in mind OP, it's a hugely useful fact that will make all of your problems go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I did not know where exactly to put this, but I think this is the best bet.

My oldest son is 25 years old. We paid for most of his college (he graduated in spring of 2013) in engineering at a decent school. He had an internship and had a decent GPA.

But since he graduated he has failed to find a job in his field. He is working at a minimum wage job that would not support him, so we allowed him to move back in around a year ago- with the premise that he was going to be here only until he got himself on his feet. We have a (now) high school senior who is looking at colleges and we don't have the room for him anymore, plus me and DH were looking forward to having an empty nest and relaxing.

Anyway, it has now been a year and it does not seem like DS is getting any closer to getting a good job. He is definitely applying, and going to the rare interview, but nothing has yet to come of it. We don't mind the expense of him living with us- both me and DH are in professional fields and we make plenty of money to support him- but I think both of us are ready for him to leave. We love him, but I don't want to spend my retirement supporting a grown adult and it is getting in the way of everyone's life.

My question is how long should I wait until kicking him out? I don't want to be mean, but I also think that a year should definitely be enough time for him to have gotten a job.

Besides letting him live in the home, how are you "supporting him?" Maybe a slight increase in utility bills? Can't he use the income from his min. wage job to pay for his food and incidentals?
And how is he "getting in the way?" He's an adult, so he should be able to do his own laundry, cook his own meals, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did he graduate college at 24? Does that mean he have his masters? Or does it mean he took 6 years to graduate?

I'm really shocked at his inability to get a job. Engineers are still in high demand, especially in this area. I would suggest he try getting a job through his school's contacts.

I was also wondering about that. What kind of engineering? Did he go the easy route and get an ISE or CE degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I can't imagine kicking one of my children out if they were actively looking for jobs and couldn't find one because of the economy. If he wasn't really trying to find a new job and was spending all day playing video games that would be a totally different story. In that case giving him a deadline and sticking to it might give him the kick he needs to find a job. In this case though it kind of seems like kicking him when he's down which is a pretty awful thing to do to your child just because you want the house to yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

I graduated with my BS in 2010 in hospitality management. I have working in hospitality management for 2 major brands since then. My first job began 2 weeks after graduation because I had spent ALL of my free time applying and networking. I attended all of the alumni mixers, got a list of alumni in high power positions in my field, and worked by butt off to secure a position. Several of my friends were engineering majors and I can't think of a single one of them who don't have a job in engineering. It is very doable if you are dedicated.

I am currently pursing my Masters degree and continuing to work in my field. It comes down to the ability to motivate yourself, dedicate yourself, and being open to opportunities. Have your son get involved with his schools alumni association, look on linkedin for engineering groups in your area (many groups hold networking events once a month and list their jobs on LinkedIn), and I'd let him know he needs to find other arrangements come 6 months from now.

[Anonymous]

"Looking forward to having an empty nest"?

"Your kid can live somewhere"?

Are you people serious? Some lesson you're teaching your kids. I hope they pick up on it and remember when you're old, frail and in need of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did he graduate college at 24? Does that mean he have his masters? Or does it mean he took 6 years to graduate?

I'm really shocked at his inability to get a job. Engineers are still in high demand, especially in this area. I would suggest he try getting a job through his school's contacts.

+1 I know many people from India, China, etc who work here on H-1B visas due to the shortage of engineers. What kind of engineering did your son study?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird. An engineering major from a good school can't get a job? Has he done any mock interviews?

My friend's son is having the same issue. Informational interview told min that there are so many qualified (and overqualified) people, he needs more courses (despite degree and certification) and internships

This was my first impression. Being an engineer myself. WTF, an engineer who cant find a job?

Funny thing is, there is no real STEM shortage in America. Its all been ginned up by companies who then want more H1-B visas, to import STEM workers, and thus push down wages in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated with my BS in 2010 in hospitality management. I have working in hospitality management for 2 major brands since then. My first job began 2 weeks after graduation because I had spent ALL of my free time applying and networking. I attended all of the alumni mixers, got a list of alumni in high power positions in my field, and worked by butt off to secure a position. Several of my friends were engineering majors and I can't think of a single one of them who don't have a job in engineering. It is very doable if you are dedicated.

I am currently pursing my Masters degree and continuing to work in my field. It comes down to the ability to motivate yourself, dedicate yourself, and being open to opportunities. Have your son get involved with his schools alumni association, look on linkedin for engineering groups in your area (many groups hold networking events once a month and list their jobs on LinkedIn), and I'd let him know he needs to find other arrangements come 6 months from now.

That job he wants may be hundreds of miles away. He needs to be open. Do what you can to support his search, and encourage him to search broadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I graduated with my BS in 2010 in hospitality management. I have working in hospitality management for 2 major brands since then. My first job began 2 weeks after graduation because I had spent ALL of my free time applying and networking. I attended all of the alumni mixers, got a list of alumni in high power positions in my field, and worked by butt off to secure a position. Several of my friends were engineering majors and I can't think of a single one of them who don't have a job in engineering. It is very doable if you are dedicated.

I am currently pursing my Masters degree and continuing to work in my field. It comes down to the ability to motivate yourself, dedicate yourself, and being open to opportunities. Have your son get involved with his schools alumni association, look on linkedin for engineering groups in your area (many groups hold networking events once a month and list their jobs on LinkedIn), and I'd let him know he needs to find other arrangements come 6 months from now.

That job he wants may be hundreds of miles away. He needs to be open. Do what you can to support his search, and encourage him to search broadly.

I am the quoted PP. My Masters program took me 600 miles away from home. It took me 4 years to decide that I was willing to do that, largely assisted by the death of my father (no family left that I was close to). It has opened up a world of opportunities for me going forward. I intend to go where the job takes me after this. Is there a reason why your son wouldn't want to spread his wings?

[Anonymous]

I think PPs have raised good points about making sure he is not holding out for the perfect job, perfect location, etc. I didn't really get that impression from your initial post, but if that is what he's doing then I think its fair to insist that he broaden his search. As long as he is A) truly making a solid effort to look for a suitable job and B) contributing to the household as an adult by doing chores, buying some groceries, etc, I think it would be best to let him stay. I might charge a modest rent or ask him to cover one of the utility bills or something like that if you think that would be helpful, but I don't think I would kick him out if he was doing his part.