Exclusive talk and yet he still hasn't deleted his profile

[Incognita]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don't dump him. His actions clearly show that he is invested in you. It's still so new, just give it a little time. Enjoy fooling around and if sex comes up let him know that you don't go that far unless you're in an exclusive relationship. I don't know how the online profile thing works but it sounds like he can be "active" without pursuing new connections. Just give it time - 4 weeks is nothing.

Thanks for the perspective PP.

The other thing I find creepy is that IF he's still seeing other people and getting hot and heavy with me...that doesn't bode well for any other person either. I would be beyond pissed if I discovered while even causally dating my man was in bed with another woman. That would end it for me.

I should also say his friends are his coworkers. So I imagine it would be really awkward if he was bringing several women to after work events.

The work events thing could go either way. Depending on the formality of the events it's not uncommon for coworkers to introduce different women. Most of my DH's have introduced me to at least 3 women in a period of a couple months. I don't think any stigma exists with that, so don't use that as a safety.

I'd say base it on the quiet of your time together, the emotional and time investment he gives you and start trusting him now. Don't keep checking the profile daily. If you want it to be serious, move towards that without sex, hopefully he is a good guy and the profile goes inactive or is deleted. You have your non-negotiable, no sex without exclusivity, give him some time to step up. Also question, are the 4 weeks included that online exchanges? If so definitely relax and give it more time!

[Anonymous]

PP here. If sex comes up you can tell him that you need to be in an exclusive relationship, but just present it as a truth about yourself and how you approach relationships. That way it won't seem like you're initiating "the talk" too soon - you're not pressuring him for a commitment ( it's too early for that) but you're letting him know about yourself and that sex doesn't happen for you in a casual relationship. Maybe he'll tell you he wants to be exclusive, or maybe it will take some more time, and either way it's okay.

[Anonymous]

I would find it creepy if someone asked me to delete my profile after only a few weeks of dating.

You are still online checking in on a dating site if you know his profile is still up.

You sound either stalkerish or just really insecure and needy and clingy.

[Anonymous]

Incognita wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely don't dump him. His actions clearly show that he is invested in you. It's still so new, just give it a little time. Enjoy fooling around and if sex comes up let him know that you don't go that far unless you're in an exclusive relationship. I don't know how the online profile thing works but it sounds like he can be "active" without pursuing new connections. Just give it time - 4 weeks is nothing.

Thanks for the perspective PP.

The other thing I find creepy is that IF he's still seeing other people and getting hot and heavy with me...that doesn't bode well for any other person either. I would be beyond pissed if I discovered while even causally dating my man was in bed with another woman. That would end it for me.

I should also say his friends are his coworkers. So I imagine it would be really awkward if he was bringing several women to after work events.

The work events thing could go either way. Depending on the formality of the events it's not uncommon for coworkers to introduce different women. Most of my DH's have introduced me to at least 3 women in a period of a couple months. I don't think any stigma exists with that, so don't use that as a safety.

I'd say base it on the quiet of your time together, the emotional and time investment he gives you and start trusting him now. Don't keep checking the profile daily. If you want it to be serious, move towards that without sex, hopefully he is a good guy and the profile goes inactive or is deleted. You have your non-negotiable, no sex without exclusivity, give him some time to step up. Also question, are the 4 weeks included that online exchanges? If so definitely relax and give it more time!

Thanks PP. Yes 4 weeks includes the online exchanges which were very short (2 days?) before meeting. I may have taken his cues too quickly. He was very excited about me. There is also a timeline involved, meaning we will be separated shortly for a while. Every day I feel like we are getting closer, which is why I don't want to pull away, but maybe that is for the best physically for now.

[Anonymous]

How long will you be apart?

[Anonymous]

What site - match.com? Knew a guy just like that on the sit that my cousin dated. Total douchebag and he used the same lines on every girl, including my cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What site - match.com? Knew a guy just like that on the sit that my cousin dated. Total douchebag and he used the same lines on every girl, including my cousin.

I don't want to give out too many details, but this person has been in the military, in a position where honesty is a must, and comes from a very down to Earth city, good family. They could be lines, but its very specific conversations with named people. Of course, as I said I have also had nightmare experiences especially on Match :/

[Anonymous]

Maybe his computer automatically logs him on everytime he uses the computer and detects he's active, even when he's not on the site?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have sex with him yet. Both of you need to be tested anyway, to make sure you are STD free or at least come clean about what you have.

If he refuses to do that, THEN dump him.

Not OP but do people really go out and get tested and then show each other the results?

Yes. My husband and I did when we were dating. We never told each other our numbers of partners though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have sex with him yet. Both of you need to be tested anyway, to make sure you are STD free or at least come clean about what you have.

If he refuses to do that, THEN dump him.

Not OP but do people really go out and get tested and then show each other the results?

Yes. My husband and I did when we were dating. We never told each other our numbers of partners though.

Considering what is going around, a good idea to do.

[Anonymous]

It's been well-established in other threads that the "active" status seems to be triggered very easily. I wouldn't assume anything from that. It may just be automatically logging him in.

Also, as others have noted, OP seems insecure and a bit controlling. Insisting that he delete his profile seems a little pushy to me, at this stage.

[Anonymous]

I met a guy online who I thought was attractive but after one date I knew I didn't see a future with. I kept on dating him because it was nice to go out (I had recently divorced). I ended up sleeping with him on the fourth date, unexpectedly. I wasn't interested in dating him exclusively so of course we did not have a talk. Everyday when I went online he was also online and it was not a good feeling, even though I saw no future with him. We dated and slept together for a month or so after that and then it just fizzled . My point: sex can become emotional and I would never do that again. Hold off until you are exclusive, even if you see no future, or if you don't get attached easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have sex with him yet. Both of you need to be tested anyway, to make sure you are STD free or at least come clean about what you have.

If he refuses to do that, THEN dump him.

Not OP but do people really go out and get tested and then show each other the results?

I was a virgin and did not want to get any STDs, so my bf got tested. We later got married and I am glad he is STD free. Some STDs are on the rise because people have CARELESS casual sex and just keep spreading diseases. My cousin recently contracted HIV, all because he didnt ask for a test and did not use condoms. Your body, your risk.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I forgot to add, if he had an STD, it would have been a deal breaker for me. Someone who is that careless will not have my respect. My bf/DH practiced safe sex, so that told me he cared about himself AND the women he was with. No baby mamas either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I forgot to add, if he had an STD, it would have been a deal breaker for me. Someone who is that careless will not have my respect. My bf/DH practiced safe sex, so that told me he cared about himself AND the women he was with. No baby mamas either.

Thy is why it is also appreciated when the man brings and suggests condoms.