Having a hard time getting excited for sister's 3rd wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother in law has been married 5 times. Thankfully, after number 3 he stopped having large weddings. The last one -- he was married a couple of years before the family was even notified. I'm guessing he just didn't want to explain it.

On the plus side, wife # 5 seems to have staying power. Going on 5 years now!

My sister's father-in-law has been divorced three times and has been living with a fourth woman for almost a decade. They think he might have married her, but they don't actually know.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, who has a 3rd wedding?!

2nd I can understand, but by round 3, you should tie the knot either with a justice of the peace, or Vegas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks before she got remarried, my sister called to tell me she would be having a wedding the day before my 5th anniversary. Months earlier, DH and I had planned our very first trip together for our first milestone anniversary -- a belated honeymoon to Paris. We got married in grad school and moved into our first house immediately after the wedding so we never had a honeymoon. We barely had any notice and we had been looking forward to the trip for years so we decided to go on our honeymoon and skip the wedding. I did worry people would think me selfish.

I learned early on, TAKE CARE OF YOUR MARRIAGE and don't worry about other people. I would have gone on the trip as well. YOUR Marriage (anniversary) trumphs someone else's any day of the week.

[Anonymous]

^ forgot to add. I had a cousin INSIST that I stop by his home to see his "fiance" on our anniversary. They were celebrating something. We had plans to go out to dinner and though I felt guilty, I said no. A few months later they broke up. Glad I didn't waste MY time on someone who wasn't going to last.

You really do need to prioritize your marriage. 50% is the divorce rate, and I think a certain percentage is because couples DON'T put their marriage first. Marriage takes work.
-Married 10 yrs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks before she got remarried, my sister called to tell me she would be having a wedding the day before my 5th anniversary. Months earlier, DH and I had planned our very first trip together for our first milestone anniversary -- a belated honeymoon to Paris. We got married in grad school and moved into our first house immediately after the wedding so we never had a honeymoon. We barely had any notice and we had been looking forward to the trip for years so we decided to go on our honeymoon and skip the wedding. I did worry people would think me selfish.

You made the right call on taking your trip but you sound like an obnoxious ass when you call it a honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who has a 3rd wedding?!

2nd I can understand, but by round 3, you should tie the knot either with a justice of the peace, or Vegas.

Agree. It gets farcical and farces are best in Vegas!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two weeks before she got remarried, my sister called to tell me she would be having a wedding the day before my 5th anniversary. Months earlier, DH and I had planned our very first trip together for our first milestone anniversary -- a belated honeymoon to Paris. We got married in grad school and moved into our first house immediately after the wedding so we never had a honeymoon. We barely had any notice and we had been looking forward to the trip for years so we decided to go on our honeymoon and skip the wedding. I did worry people would think me selfish.

You made the right call on taking your trip but you sound like an obnoxious ass when you call it a honeymoon.

Go fuck yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is mean, but does she have a punchcard for guests. After a certain number you get a free coffee or something.

Seriously, though, I like what 22:49 said. But I can see your point. Focus on enjoying her happiness and having as much fun at the wedding as you can.

OMG you are funny. I am the only one of my siblings on my first marriage and have one getting ready for a fourth. I just can't figure out who in their right mind would marry someone with that many previous divorces. I was the only one in the family to go to the third one and not sure if I'll bother with number four. But if I do, I think I want some sort if frequent flyer prize.

OP here. 4th wedding?!! You have me beat. You may not know, but I'm dying to ask: Was there a pre-nump for any of the marriages? (I totally think both my sister and her fiance would benefit from a pre-nump given the circumstances, but, of course, it's not my place to offer advice.)

No pre-nup for the one on the fourth marriage but one who is on the second has one. That one lost a lot in his first divorce - after building a. Dry successful business his now ex-wife had a years long affair and he was really angry about having to give up anything related to the business to her. So he protected himself the next time and they keep their money separate. Seriously thinking I'm not going to wedding number four unless it's during a school vacation and I can turn it into a great vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who has a 3rd wedding?!

2nd I can understand, but by round 3, you should tie the knot either with a justice of the peace, or Vegas.

I am my DH's third wife. First lasted one year and they were very young. Second lasted ten years, no kids. We have been together for 18 yrs and have two kids.

We had a medium size wedding with 80 guests. It was my first and only wedding and I wanted a white dress and a party, so that is what we did.

At one point during wedding preparations, SIL hissed to DH that he "didn't deserve" a nice wedding. She made a comment to my sister to the same effect at our wedding reception. Since then I keep my distance from SIL - don't need that kind of bad energy/I'll will in my life. Her loss.

[Anonymous]

*ill* will! not I"ll will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who has a 3rd wedding?!

2nd I can understand, but by round 3, you should tie the knot either with a justice of the peace, or Vegas.

I am my DH's third wife. First lasted one year and they were very young. Second lasted ten years, no kids. We have been together for 18 yrs and have two kids.

We had a medium size wedding with 80 guests. It was my first and only wedding and I wanted a white dress and a party, so that is what we did.

At one point during wedding preparations, SIL hissed to DH that he "didn't deserve" a nice wedding. She made a comment to my sister to the same effect at our wedding reception. Since then I keep my distance from SIL - don't need that kind of bad energy/I'll will in my life. Her loss.

Wow. It's 18 years later. Have you ever talked to her about this? Why do you think she was so bitchy at the time? Was it just that she was "tired" of her brother getting married or something?

[Anonymous]

OP, it's reasonable that you are not enthusiastic. Go or not depending on whether it is convenient and whether you would enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, who has a 3rd wedding?!

2nd I can understand, but by round 3, you should tie the knot either with a justice of the peace, or Vegas.

I am my DH's third wife. First lasted one year and they were very young. Second lasted ten years, no kids. We have been together for 18 yrs and have two kids.

We had a medium size wedding with 80 guests. It was my first and only wedding and I wanted a white dress and a party, so that is what we did.

At one point during wedding preparations, SIL hissed to DH that he "didn't deserve" a nice wedding. She made a comment to my sister to the same effect at our wedding reception. Since then I keep my distance from SIL - don't need that kind of bad energy/I'll will in my life. Her loss.

Wow. It's 18 years later. Have you ever talked to her about this? Why do you think she was so bitchy at the time? Was it just that she was "tired" of her brother getting married or something?

I've never talked to her about it. I think she is a jerk and lives a life of schaudenfreude.

RE "tired" of her brother getting married, if you can't muster a simple "congratulations!", then STFU. And making that remark to my sister, who is my BFF and who she had just met a month or so earlier, is just breathtakingly bitchy.

[Anonymous]

RE "tired" of her brother getting married, if you can't muster a simple "congratulations!", then STFU. And making that remark to my sister, who is my BFF and who she had just met a month or so earlier, is just breathtakingly bitchy.

You forgot incredibly stupid and lacking forethought. Did she not think your sister would tell you?

[Anonymous]

21:04 here. OP, you don't have to be excited - just show up and display some good manners. That's it.

In the alternative, don't show up, and display good manners (send a card; include a gift if you want to).

The point is, keep your mouth shut re: your views on your sister's personal life. I'm sure that she herself isn't thrilled to have two divorces under her belt. For reasons known only to her, she has been unable to maintain a successful marriage. This can't be easy on her. The effect on you is minimal to none, so just be nice. Truly, it isn't that hard. If you choose to voice your thoughts, you are likely to damage your family relationships, and to what end?