Help me think rationally about gifts from MIL

[Anonymous]

OP, I had this same issue. I don't think I ever bought clothes for my baby for the first year because my mother in law over bought everything. It was her first grandchild, she was so excited and she loved to shop. I definitly have control issues and it was VERY hard for me - they would come to visit with bag after bag of things. Christmas was so over the top that it was almost embarassing. We once had to have them drive down with us in their car because the car could not hold all that they gave us.

Here's what I did: I took the things I liked (toys and clothes) and used them. For the rest, I started a pile in the attic of stuff and at Christmas I would donate literally carloadss full of new toys and clothes to my church. The trinkets she gave us I donated to an organization that lets kids with cancer "shop" for family members because they are either too sick, too immunio-compromised to be a the mall, or have financial challenges and can't afford presents. My mother in law never noticed. For her it was the process of shopping and the pleasure of giving that mattered to her... she literally had no idea what she bought (and often bought the same items more than once).

And then, she died. Unexpectedly and horribly. And I miss the gifts and the thoughtfulness (and candidly, didn't realize how much I was saving by not having to buy clothes). So if you can, take it with a smile. It's amazing how quickly it can all go away.

[Anonymous]

I totally get it-- you dislike it because it shows that your MIL is kind of crazy and doesn't understand you or respect your boundaries. That is an anxiety-producing situation, because who knows what problems her craziness will cause in the future.

So it's not really about the clothes, as annoying as it is to have the clutter and tacky stuff. I have a similar situation and the things I really can't stand, I give to charity or send to ThredUp. You just stick it all in a bag in the mail and get a check back, it really is easy. That way I can focus on picking the battles that really matter.

I also tell my MIL when I am looking for something more expensive, like shoes or a snowsuit or something. Then she either buys something, or lets me know if there is a good sale. I try to nudge her toward "basics" like socks, neutral color leggings, plain shirts, etc., by pointing out how many different outfits they go with.

Whenever I see a little girl wearing one of the godawful princess outfits I give away, I smile because I know someone dressed her in it with love. Your child has a loving grandmother so try to stay focused on that.