How would you do if you were in my situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my two cents of course, but I would go to the wedding alone - and on my own dime. I wouldn't want to be in debt, and especially not a family member.

I would keep your 2 yr old in daycare another year - save the money, and put her in preschool one year later. I think a year of preschool before kindergarten is plenty for any child that has educated, engaged parents in the home and a good daycare or nanny situation. Really.

+1 - we did a preschool at age two and it was a waste of time. They just had the kids run around and play with a snack. Some do circle time but our lazy teacher gave up after a few tries. It was a complete waste of money. Wait till three and then you have two years. And, get a better provider.

[Anonymous]

Yes, DD will be 2.8 by September 2014. I think she should go to preschool next year.

[Anonymous]

You should go alone and find cheap accomodations.

[Anonymous]

No don't go, happens all the time. People understand. Next time you see her take her out, obviously send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay your ass home -- you cannot afford to go.
not rocket science

+1. This isn't even a question. The loan is still your money ultimately and doesn't/shouldn't factor in in any positive way. You'd go into debt to go to a wedding?? People who have destination weddings absolutely know that a lot of people won't be able to/want to go.

+2 and I hate destination weddings. They are such a hassle for everyone involved and a big PIA for everyone except bride and groom. We just don't do them.

[Anonymous]

Do not go into debt to go to a wedding, and do not pay $1200/month for preschool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not go into debt to go to a wedding, and do not pay $1200/month for preschool!

+1

[Anonymous]

Is your husband just "bored" or is he genuinely getting mistreated (yelled at, being asked to do unethical/immoral things, etc.)

If he's just bored going back to grad school with a 2 year old and a 40-50% drop in income sounds -- all just because he's "bored" and wants to "find himself" -- like about the most selfish thing he could do.

I'm a guy here.

Now if the school has an honest prospect of leading to better -- or even equivalent -- income/lifestyle, then yeah, this isn't a good time for going to a wedding and a $1200 a month preschool (is it at least full day?) I will say most preschools are only schools in the AM and become ordinary daycares in the PM.

Once your kid is four there are way more options for a daycare with a heavy preschool component.

[Anonymous]

I would go one to the wedding and wait a year to put your daughter in school. It is perfectly fine, healthy and age appropriate for a 2 yr old to not be in school. I know many kids, mine included who didn't do any preschool and they flourished academically and socially in school. Just put a little more time and effort into teaching your daughter what you want her to be learning or to push her more than she is getting in her daycare. Parents are more than able to do what preschool teachers do for a 2 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Don't go to the wedding. Send a nice present and apologies for not going.

Talk with DH about preschool and how important it is to you and how you are planning to afford it.

Talk with DH about working part-time through grad school.

[Anonymous]

I would not go into debt to attend a wedding. Send your regrets and a nice gift.

I would not put a two-year-old in preschool. Frankly, I wouldn't put a three-year-old in preschool. One year of preschool before kindergarten is plenty.

You need to talk to your husband about your finances if he goes back to school--debt, income, expenses--you need to hash these out. I personally think it's pretty irresponsible for a parent to quit their job and go to school with a two-year-old unless money and child care are just not issues. Maybe your husband could at least get a part-time job to ease the financial burden.

[Anonymous]

Try to go alone or with your kid. Or just don't go. Definitely don't borrow any money.

[Anonymous]

In your situation I would neither go to the wedding nor do preschool yet. Preschool is very expensive and really not necessary for 2-4 year olds . It is great for the year before K, but not a necessity, especially compared to more education for your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, DD will be 2.8 by September 2014. I think she should go to preschool next year.

OP- if your DD will be 4.8 in Sept 2016 will she even be able to get into public K for that year? I know the FFX County cut off date is 5 by Sept 30 and I think Arlington is in October. Look into that. If she won't be starting K until 2017 then I would put her in a pre-k in 2016. I might also look around at some home daycares- some follow programs and have circle time, etc.

If you cannot afford the $1200 a month in a few years then don't do it. Work with her at home. Buy a book about what a K should know and follow that. There are plenty of valid reasons to go into debt like braces, therapy, a new roof for your house. Destination weddings, vacations and pre-school are not good reasons IMO.

[MommaRN]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for inputs. You all are right about the wedding. I should stay home considering other priorities. I just hate the feeling that I will miss the important family even and it may just happen once. But other priorities are more important. Btw, I just listed the events in timely order. I don't favor one over the others in the order for those may think that way.

If it were that important, your cousin would have a wedding that wouldn't cost so much for her loved ones to attend. JMO, of course