Glad we're family but oh sorry you thought we were friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your hurt, OP, but are you really surprised? Sounds like she's been giving you the message that she wanted distance for some time now. If it were happening to me, I would have expected to not be invited to the bachelorette party.

But I know what it's like to have someone you care about disappear on you like that. It's painful. Sorry you're going through this. But it looks like you either ask her what's going on or you just accept that you'll never get an explanation, grieve, and let the relationship go.

To be honest I didn't quite recognize the signs at first- she's always had a tendency to go MIA when dating someone, so it didn't strike me as very different than in the past. Most of our communications are text/email/Facebook anyway. My sis, since she lives in the same town and previously saw her more often in person, was pissed and stopped making an effort. In a way she wasn't surprised. But I was. Funny because last summer when we were talking in person she was lamenting that she didn't know what her bridesmaids would be able to do for a party because they live out of town. I offered assistance if needed and she was like oh thank you so much- ha!

Anyway, I'm not asking her what's up before the wedding- little desire on my front to contribute to the drama at the moment. But maybe I will eventually. Thanks for listening- I really just needed to vent.

Take a page from your sister's book and learn to take a hint (not being mean -- being very real). Don't waste your time wondering what her deal is, you may never find out.
Bottom line: When people show you who you are, believe them.
And I say this in looking at the totality of her behaviour, not just the bacherlorette thing -- cause who cares about that -- you cannot invite everyone to everything.

[Anonymous]

1255+ that's my guess. I had a friend like that - and a very messed up coworker also. At times, a person
can mess up, and be angry at you for witnessing it and have an attitude wtih you. That may be happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin "Sally" is getting married this fall. We were close in age and she was an only child, so she was pretty tight with my sister and I growing up. If it hadn't been for living on opposite sides of town, we probably would have been hanging out every weekend. As adults, we took vacations together and she and my sister would visit me (they both live back in our hometown) for a girls weekend almost every year until the last couple years or so. So really, it was kind of a given that we'd be included in her bachelorette party- but then we weren't. My aunt said that it was just the bridal party going out (her two closest friends from high school and future SIL) but then we were chatting with her other friends at the shower and they were all included on the evening festivities. So really, it was just sis and I excluded (we also have two other cousins of age- but they would not have attended and Sally would have known that).

Now on one hand, I had a great time catching up with other family who I would not have seen if I had attended the bachelorette, but on the other, I'm pretty hurt. I never would have dreamed of not inclyding her in mine. There is a bit of a backstory here and I don't know how much of a role it played- Sally was a hot mess at my bachelorette a couple years ago- got crazy drunk and emotional and started making out with a random guy. And yeah, she was dating her now-fiance at the time, who came and picked her up and took her home. She sent sis and I a text the next day apologizing and it has never been spoken of since. But in a way she's barely spoken to us since. My sister is the stubborn type so when Sally blew off a couple lunch invites my sister stopped reaching out. Me living further away was a bit different- we email, but it's usually initiated by me. I tried to invite her and fiance out when I was home at Christmas but she was non-committal and blew me off. At the shower she was all fake-nice and sought me out but it was mainly because she wanted to give me back a bunch of things I had given her from our wedding (with a clear no-return policy BTW- how hard is it just to take the box to goodwill?!).

Anyway, it's wierd. Not being invited to the bachelorette was really just a confirmation that she no longer views me as a friend- just family. And that makes me kinda sad. I don't know what, if anything, I could even do on my end- I didn't do anything wrong, and she's the one that pulled back. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen before?

She got you back for her precious bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

This is probably more about her than you. She could be sliding into alcoholism but does not want to be reminded of it near her wedding. She will go back to her drinking in private after the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand your hurt, OP, but are you really surprised? Sounds like she's been giving you the message that she wanted distance for some time now. If it were happening to me, I would have expected to not be invited to the bachelorette party.

But I know what it's like to have someone you care about disappear on you like that. It's painful. Sorry you're going through this. But it looks like you either ask her what's going on or you just accept that you'll never get an explanation, grieve, and let the relationship go.

To be honest I didn't quite recognize the signs at first- she's always had a tendency to go MIA when dating someone, so it didn't strike me as very different than in the past. Most of our communications are text/email/Facebook anyway. My sis, since she lives in the same town and previously saw her more often in person, was pissed and stopped making an effort. In a way she wasn't surprised. But I was. Funny because last summer when we were talking in person she was lamenting that she didn't know what her bridesmaids would be able to do for a party because they live out of town. I offered assistance if needed and she was like oh thank you so much- ha!

Anyway, I'm not asking her what's up before the wedding- little desire on my front to contribute to the drama at the moment. But maybe I will eventually. Thanks for listening- I really just needed to vent.

OK, so she probably knew you expected to be included, hence her awkward behavior at the shower. Maybe space was just limited and she didn't know how to say that. Weddings can make bridezillas out of even the most sane people.

Also, is it possible she and your sister had more of a dust-up than you know? Because honestly, three-way friendships can be awkward. My two best friends from high school gradually started having a falling out during college, to the point where I was always pulled in the middle. Suddenly friend #1 just simply cutoff friend #2 AND me. I was devastated and didn't understand. Years later when we met up at a reunion she confessed it was just easier to cut ties with both of us because she no longer wanted to be friends with #2, who she thought I would side with eventually. Your cousin knows that ties with your sister trump ties with her, and that she couldn't include one of you but not the other.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if she (or maybe her fiancé) blamed you and your sister for her behavior and now he doesn't want her hanging with yall.