How long would you leave a 9 year old home alone?
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Anonymous
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I'm the OP of the thread in General Parenting about having my 9 year old go home by himself. I have left him at home for 30 minute stretches in the afternoon. He is perfectly fine, knows all the rules, and adheres to them. Basically spends his time reading. An hour or two would be fine as well. Now crossing the road is quite another problem... |
Anonymous
| Thanks everyone. I am the OP of this thread. DD has been left alone in a locked house for up to one hour, and has been fine. As others have said, reading, tv or electronics keeps her occupied. She doesn't mind it, and sometimes asks to stay home rather than do the run to pick up take out for food or something like that. I am just not sure how much longer than one hour would be ok. I am finding all the answers informative. |
Anonymous
Yeah, every time I think we're getting to the point where my 9 yo might be able to start crossing busy(ish) streets by himself he'll do something boneheaded that proves he's not ready. |
Anonymous
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I would be comfortable leaving *my* child home alone for up to three daylight hours at that age, but that is because she started at age 8 "staying home alone" in 15-minute increments while I went to the neighbor's or walked the dog, and gradually worked up to where I would be comfortable with around 3 hours or so based on the fact that she has a proven track record of being able to handle it safely, responsibly, and comfortably.
We also have strict safety rules, an evacuation/emergency plan, and two neighbors we would trust to help her out if something happened until DH or I could get there. If one of these factors were missing, my comfort level with leaving her alone would probably be different. I definitely wouldn't start out with long stretches of time -- at age 9, maybe 30 minutes for a first experience home alone. |
Anonymous
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The MD law for 8-12? year olds states "for brief periods", I believe, but does not specify "brief". I'd take that to be 30 minutes or less.
Saying that, I'm more afraid of someone reporting me, than of my child coming to harm!! |
Anonymous
+100000 My oldest is serious and responsible and cautious. The second child is a crazy man. He'd jump off the roof just for the lulz. |
Anonymous
2 hrs. is not too long --- provided the child is o.k. with being alone. Personally, I wouldn't leave a 9 yr. old when the time period covers bedtime... or when it is dark like in the late evening (I supposed it'd be o.k. if it was dark at 5:00 in the winter b/c the child is still fully awake and there are kid shows on and neighbors available if necessary.) I don't think a kid should have to put him/herself to bed at that age -- but it might depend on how independent the child feels. |
Anonymous
I agree that the things the PP mentions are all important factors in making this decision. I disagree, however, that 2 hours is necessarily too long, depending on the situation. If you trust your child to follow the safety rules,make sure s/he knows what to do in case of an emergency & have either some neighbors nearby that s/he can go to or another trusted adult that will close enough to be there quickly if s/he needs something, I think it would be okay as long as the child is not afraid of staying home alone (I wouldn't leave your DC home alone at night at this age bc it's more likely s/he would end up being scared even if s/he didn't think it would be). As a PP mentioned, I also wouldn't start out by leaving your DC home for 2 hours if s/he has never been home alone before. I'd test it out first by leaving your DC home for 15-30 minutes a few times, then maybe for an hour a few times. If everything goes well those times, then you & your DC will both likely feel a lot more confident & considerably less anxious the first time your DC is alone for a couple of hours. I'd also have a discussion before you leave about how your DC will be occupying him/herself while your gone. It doesn't have to be too specific or rigid (i.e. "from 3-3:15 I'll have 2 cookies for a snack, from 3:15-4:30 I'll read, from 4:30-until you come home I'll play video games ) but I'd work w/ your DC to come up w/ a list of safe activities s/he will choose from while you're gone (read, draw, have a snack that doesn't require use of the stove, watch tv or play video games for x amount of time, etc.) after your DC has finished doing whatever (if anything) s/he is required to do during this time (homework, practice the piano, chores, etc. ). Having a better idea of what s/he is going to be doing while alone will also likely decrease your anxiety while out. Plus, it makes it less likely that your DC will decide to engage in an activity that s/he might not even be aware is something you don't feel comfortable w/ him or her doing w/out an adult in the house as can be hard to cover every single possible activity & weather or not it's permissible while you're gone when setting the ground rules w/ your DC. FWIW, I was home alone for a couple of hours every day after school starting at age 9. I felt perfectly safe & always followed the rules my parents set (well, I sometimes ate a couple more cookies than my mother would have allowed had she been home but that's about it  ). I didn't particularly LIKE coming home to an empty house every day, however, at that age as I wasn't used to being alone so much (I started to enjoy it & find having some alone time after a busy day at school kind of nice around the time I started middle school). With that in mind, if this is going to be an every day thing, I would try to arrange for your child to participate in some kind of after school program at least a couple days a week.If no program is available or you can't afford one, I'd suggest talking to some of his friends' parents & seeing if 2 or 3 of them would each be willing to have your DC over after school once a week so he wouldn't get too lonely as a result of being by himself every day after school. You could reciprocate by having their children play at your house for a few hours on the weekends or, if a play date every weekend is too much for the kids or family --either yours or theirs -- bc of other activities/commitments, you can offer to host the kids' sleepovers at your house, take kids to a movie or other fun activity --your treat--a couple of times a month when you're taking your own child, etc. Being home alone a couple of hours every single week day is a lot for a kid that age, no matter how mature or responsible. Depending on the child, it might be perfectly safe but it's still, IMO based on my own experience at that age, more time alone than is probably healthy for most 9-year-olds.
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Anonymous
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I didn't leave my kids alone for more than 30 minutes when they were that age.
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Anonymous
| We've done up to about 90 minutes for our two. They are very good together, know the rules, have numbers memorized. At 9 I think that is the max we will go for now. It is enough for a quick gym or grocery store run and has only been during the day. Recently left them for 30 minutes when they were in bed and another family member needed to be picked up. That felt weird although they felt totally fine with it. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't do it . . . case of fire . . and we've been burgled during the day. I think VA law is children under 12 not to be left alone but that may have changed. |
Anonymous
haha same here! |
Anonymous
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I've left my 9 year old for a couple hours.
Crossing the street alone? Nope, not at all ready for that! |
Anonymous
Not a law, but FWIW the guidelines posted by Arlington County are: 8 years and under : Should not be left alone for any period of time. This includes leaving children unattended in cars, playgrounds and yards. 9 to 10 years : Should not be left alone for more than 1 ½ hours and only during daylight and early evening hours. 11 to 12 years : May be left alone for up to 3 hours, but not late at night or in circumstances requiring adult supervision. 13 to 15 years : May be left unsupervised, but not overnight. 16 to 17 years : May be left unsupervised for up to two consecutive overnight periods. For my oldest, he was fine home alone for a couple hours at 9 years old. My youngest, who is 9 now, is not as confident and I try to limit it to one hour. Recently a trip to do some errands ended up taking way longer than expected so it turned into two hours and she was upset, despite my calling to let her know why I was running late. |
Anonymous
| I leave my 9 year old alone for up to 2-3 hours. She is mature and never has had a problem. We do have a landline, and I call to check in. I have a couple of friends who leave their kids alone with no landlines or a cellphone available. I think that is crazy. What would they do in an emergency? |