Terrible situation with sibling, please advise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have to do what saves your health and sanity. I caught flack from family in the past for not taking in a cousin's toddler while she was being treated for mental illness and substance abuse. I stood my ground and am glad I did: She's been back in twice.

So what happened to the toddler?

Yes, that's a bit cold! What happened to the baby?

He was fostered by his grandmother until his mom stabilized. And I was smart enough to realize what I coudn't handle --just like the other twenty some people in our family who didn't step forward. I don't think they are bad people for that. They (and you) shouldn't think I'm a bad person for not being able to feed, shelter, and clothe a child I didn't produce.

[Anonymous]

To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

[Anonymous]

Primary responsibilify is your immediate family. Let your brother figure it out on is own. If you enable him then you will end up in a long term mooching type of situation.

[Anonymous]

OP: ignore your family and do what is best for you and your kids. No point sinking with your brother.

I do not know what race you are but I see plenty of Asian mothers spoil their sons at their daughters' expense. The sons usually turn out to be useless parasites to the families. Even my aunt, a well educated scientist, lashed out at my cousin because she does not make enough money to support her younger brother's future retirement. Talking about irrational expectation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

Single mom of two. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. We live in a small 2 br apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not easy. i think to take him in, is only going to continue to enable him. He has not stepped up to be the responsible father he should. If he was able to have children, he then became obligated to properly take care of them. How many kids? Is taking the kids in, at all an option?I am assuming 2 or 3, and if more then thats another ballgame.
I am just thinking about them and how horrible it must be for those innocent kids.
Your brother is going to have to stand up and face what he has created. I think as his sibling to advise him and offer to help him find resources is appropriate but also being firm about your inability to continue to support his irresponsible lifestyle must be made clear.

Only other solution I can think of is to stage a "family intervention" where you all come together (and for the kids sake) offer x amount of dollars to help them get on their feet, maybe 2-3 months of rent in suitable place, with the "gift" of giving him 2 to 3 months to find a job in an effort to be able to support his family. This way everyone could contribute and the burden doesn't fall on any one person. Not easy! Good luck.

This is excellent advice and i will definitely attempt this. I agree with your opinion about his responsibility and the appropriate role for me to take.
Someone asked if could give them cash assistance. I have already been doing this, i don't have much more to spare right now, i have given a substantial amount. I think other family members have as well. I have considered taking in one of the kids but realistically no i can't do this and wouldn't want to separate them from each other. This is not on the table as of now - it has not come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Primary responsibilify is your immediate family. Let your brother figure it out on is own. If you enable him then you will end up in a long term mooching type of situation.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

Single mom of two. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. We live in a small 2 br apartment.

You had enough on your plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

Single mom of two. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. We live in a small 2 br apartment.

You had enough on your plate.

Yeah, that's what I felt.

[Anonymous]

Offer to take the kids if he signs over guardianship as well as pays child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

Single mom of two. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. We live in a small 2 br apartment.

I'm PP you were responding to - my sincere apologies, and I hope you are doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
To the PP who refused to take in a toddler without his problem parent, I think that's a bit harsh on your part.

OP is talking about a whole family living in a house with a home-business.

What was your excuse PP?

Single mom of two. I also have multiple chronic illnesses. We live in a small 2 br apartment.

I'm PP you were responding to - my sincere apologies, and I hope you are doing well.

Thanks --I know that it sounds callous without the background. I'm hanging in there. One reason to stay in this overpriced area is that the medical care is top notch.

[Anonymous]

Not your kids. Not your problem.

Tell your mother to MYOB. Maybe you can ask her why SHE doesnt step uo to help her son. She has her reasons and so do you.

Frankly, none of you should have been helping him. Why dont people use BC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not your kids. Not your problem.

Tell your mother to MYOB. Maybe you can ask her why SHE doesnt step uo to help her son. She has her reasons and so do you.

Frankly, none of you should have been helping him. Why dont people use BC?

Harsh! But true.

[Anonymous]

OP, what's really at the root of his problem? Lack of education? (Why?) Drinking/ drugs? Thinks he's too good for menial jobs? Tell us more about what got him into this situation.