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Are you a Mom-Bully?
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Anonymous
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It also has to do with where we live. In grad school not too long after 9-11 I attended a lecture where the psychologist speaker remarked, "anyone who is living in the DC area and not in a constant state of mild anxiety is not living in reality." That has stuck with me ever since. He wasn't saying we are all psychotic freaks, but if you think about it, riding the metro each day and constantly hearing someone blare on the loudspeaker "is that your bag?...if you see a suspicious person..." or if you aren't on the metro you are likely in horrible traffic which grates on you too. If we were living in Omaha it would be a different mindset.
And it's competitive around here. Lots of smart (and not so smart), educated, ambitious people. You don't shut that down when you have kids. What has worked for me is to try to remind myself how blessed I am and not let the little things get me down to the point where I take it out on other people. If you've had a hard day, chances are others have too. I'm not saying I'm Miss Mary Sunshine but I constantly have to remind myself, these little annoyances don't matter - stick to the big stuff. And that has kept me from acting like an ass on many occasions (though not all!). |
Anonymous
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Thanks for that thoughtful post. I agree, as a bunch we DC moms are probably more anxious and competitive than many other places.
I like your approach for calming yourself down, too. It's what we need more of around here. I wish it were more widely shared. Unfortunately it seems like some others think it's perfectly acceptable to vent on strangers. |
Anonymous
| Then there are the moms who think they are hilariously funny, and they just have to share their snarky jabs for the benefit of the rest of us. But that's more narcissism than aggression. On second thought, sometimes the two are combined. |
Anonymous
| There may be flip side to all of this-maybe it's helpful for some to vent on an anonymous forum where they can say what they think-not without fear of retribution but without fear of anyone knowing who they are. This is not always the place to come for serious advice, although there's a lot of wisdom on some of these pages. You just gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince around here. Everyone is here by choice and one person's catharsis might be another's insulting diatribe. You can stay and play or go away-it's up to you. |
Anonymous
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Catharsis? This suggests that abusing people on DCUM is a good thing, because these poor lost souls have absolutely no other outlet for their pent-up rage.
Leaving aside the impact on their victims, do you think that's really a good thing for these frustrated moms? Wouldn't a spa, or actually talking things out with the spouse, or something similar be a whole lot more helpful? Not that I don't have some sympathy for DCUMers' various problems. But venting your rage on innocents here seems bad for both parties - the victim and the abuser. |
Anonymous
| So one mom feels a whole lot better, but at the cost of another mom feeling a whole lot worse. I don't see how anything good comes of this. Where is the net benefit? |
Anonymous
| Thank you PPs for proving my point-yes, absolutely, going to a spa or cleaving to loved ones would make someone feel better-those who choose to do so don't spend a lot of time here. For the ones that do-they are looking for something other, they are some of the people who belonged the debate club in high school-they(we) chose intellectual discourse over jogging-doesn't make us better or worse, just different. |
Anonymous
But there is no victim or abuser here-just willing participants-put down Shirley Jackson and read some E.L. Konigsburg.... |
Anonymous
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Most people on here seem pretty OK to me. There are a few - sometimes I wonder if it's just one in particular - who are definitely trolls. I recall the recent thread about the dog and one poster who kept calling people c*nts. What is up with THAT?
I wish Jeff would delete those or block those users. I did notice thought, I don't think anyone acknowledged the c*nt poster which is GREAT! DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS! 
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Anonymous
I feel the same way, although sometimes I get my feelings hurt. I think there are few places to have intellectual sword fights even if it's not really over anything intellectual at all. (I rarely get a chance to use my brain so these posts do actually feel intellectual to me. Sad....) I don't like hurting anyone's feelings but I have to say, there is something satisfying about some of the back and forth that goes on here. |
Anonymous
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Or perhaps better put, if you can stand the flames, get back into the kitchen and stay away from DCUM. |
Anonymous
| And, I hate to say it, but sometimes there are idiots on the board. In real life, I would never call anyone an idiot, and I have no doubt that everyone is well-meaning, blah blah blah. But sometimes, and idiot is an idiot and mincing words is just....wrong. |
Anonymous
| are they idiots because they don't agree with you? |
Anonymous
| No. They're idiots for advocating the needless killing of loyal dogs. |
Anonymous
| No, they are usually the idiots who are criticizing an obviously sensitive OP or making light of something at an inappropriate time or are busting out some fake stats to support something that is off-topic or are suggesting something that EVERYONE else has (read the whole thread) or are just stirring the pot for the hell of it, but in a totally offensive way. I am not personally offended by anyone on this board, but when someone is being an idiot, I will say so. And they are free to call me an idiot back. |