nanny diaries- i watched this just recently and it really made me rethink my choices

[Anonymous]

Sorry, still laughing that someone was "touched" by the NANNY DIARIES. Honey, no one thinks that a nanny is a replacement for Mom or Dad. And while we're at it - what about Dad? Since he works and you are a SAHM is he no part of your kids lives? Do you replace him? Why so bitter about your choices? OOH - you should go out and rent Caddyshack. Because the way those gophers tried to take over...(choking back sobs)...the golf course was just so soul-stirring. We should all take it as a reminder to treat gophers a little kinder. All they want is love, just like the rest of us. Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, still laughing that someone was "touched" by the NANNY DIARIES. Honey, no one thinks that a nanny is a replacement for Mom or Dad. And while we're at it - what about Dad? Since he works and you are a SAHM is he no part of your kids lives? Do you replace him? Why so bitter about your choices? OOH - you should go out and rent Caddyshack. Because the way those gophers tried to take over...(choking back sobs)...the golf course was just so soul-stirring. We should all take it as a reminder to treat gophers a little kinder. All they want is love, just like the rest of us. Get real.

You sound so bitter. This is a stupid thread. Just let it die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i just watched the nanny diaries, as i missed it when it originally came out. it really makes you want to change your life and priorities. i highly recommend it. it is heartbreaking though watching the poor child just wanting to be with his parents and they have no time for him. so sad. it really made me think. just wanted to pass that on and recommend it as a good reminder to parents about our children's years and how precious they are and how fast they go.

OP - are you a working Mom? I suspect you are the same person who jumps at any opportunity to play sancti-mommy at those who aren't exclusively SAHM. And again, there's a lot to be said for those who need to constantly justify their own choices. And the fact that you found the NANNY DIARIES movie as an important social commentary is pretty entertaining. It's a fluff movie that dramatizes an extreme scenario. My boss is a woman. Is she just like Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada? Um, no. This post is ridiculous. And no need to send out your patronizing reminder about our children's years and how precious they are and how fast they go. Do you honestly think any one among us is not aware of that?

Why are you so negative here? OP was just giving her thoughts on a movie. It seems like you have a lot of issues . . .

[Anonymous]

i know what an intense backlash, i don't think OP was speaking to the moms who are already aware that the years fly by. But there are in fact, moms out there that neglect their kids...that's probably who OP was addressing. But neglectul moms would not be on a site like this, so perhaps she didn't realize that. I agree people get offended really easily here and read too much into harmless statements.

[Anonymous]

i really think this post was designed to provoke such a reaction, to stir an angry debate. i'm not convinced it wasn't fake.

[Anonymous]

I think the 1610 post was dead on. MOVED BY THE NANNY DIARIES??? Is this a freakin' joke? You must have been absolutely crippled by The Last King of Scotland, Saving Private Ryan or Schindler's List. . .

I think that this post was intended to provoke guilt in Working Moms. Pure and Simple. I hope I'm wrong. I don't know a single working mother that equates working with finding a mother substitute. So ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to those of you who found the movie thought-provoking. I co-wrote the book with my friend, Emma, in 2000. Obviously the film is a slimmed-down version of the story; they didn't have the time to go into all the other scenarios we presented in the book. But believe me, with regards to any exaggeration, the book is the funny version of the bleak we witnessed. Repeatedly. But we have always taken pains to explain that this book is an indictment of a small segment of society. We are still close with many of the families we worked for and we will be sitting at those women's feet when we have our own children to learn everything we can from them about balancing career with family and being great employers. Those children are applying to college now and have turned out beautifully--they're real lightbulbs-- funny, smart and confident. It gives us hope as future working moms ourselves!

But if you think we didn't also work for people who couldn't pick their own kids out of a lineup, you are mistaken.

[Anonymous]

I think it was interesting that you picked on stay at home moms who had nannies and not working moms--somehow I guess you felt it was justified to have a nanny only on your terms. Would it be okay if you had to work 60 hours a week for your job and not see your kids..could you use the "I had to work excuse" and be a maytr and be one of the good moms that you say that you idolize?? I have nothing against working moms (I am one myself -home based business and I feel the pull of getting projects done and being with my kids) but I find the attack on SAHM who have nannies a bit nasty. I know several SAHM who have a nanny and are completely involved in their kids lives--they utilize the nanny as an extra set of hands and it allows one on one time that their children would not otherwise have. They are lucky to be in the financial place to have extra help--it's a priviledge and I think it invites a lot of jealousy. I also know some working moms who seem more interested in their careers than their kids (frankly I have had to tone back on work myself because I felt like I was becoming too "busy" working so you really should be mad at me)--and I know some SAHM without any help who I think really really could use some help. Good and bad parenting runs the gammut.

I thought your movie was silly and not at all reflective of the people who have nannies but entertaining none the less--my only problem would be that there are a lot of dumb people in this world who would take your book as a reality and it just isn't--not even close.

[Anonymous]

Clearly the women in the movie are not representative of the vast majority of women. The vast majority of women do not live in houses like that in Manhattan! I agree about working Moms who are not involved and SAHM's with nannies who are involved. This movie was an exagerrated comedy representative of a segment of society that exists. It doesn't necessarily comment on anybody else. It's not like there's some huge rant in the movie where it's commenting on society as a whole. I don't think this movie was meant to make anybody have a "lighbulb moment".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the women in the movie are not representative of the vast majority of women. The vast majority of women do not live in houses like that in Manhattan! I agree about working Moms who are not involved and SAHM's with nannies who are involved. This movie was an exagerrated comedy representative of a segment of society that exists. It doesn't necessarily comment on anybody else. It's not like there's some huge rant in the movie where it's commenting on society as a whole. I don't think this movie was meant to make anybody have a "lighbulb moment".

op here. for goodness sake my lightbulb moment wasn't about the nanny or the mothers it was in regards to the little boy and from his point of view. even though i already knew the obvious but it was a good reminder that even a great nanny doesn't mean the child doesn't need his parents. it also reminded me that the best schools, best clothes, fancy birthday parties, etc.. don't make a child happy. the most important thing we can do for our children is to just be with them and to spend time with them even time just doing nothing but "being." more importantly it is a reminder that nannies come and go so if you are letting your child "bond" with a nanny for the first six months or first year or so of his life then the nanny is fired or she leaves, that can't be good for a child. in fact it might really screw them up. so, these are all things i have figured out and that is whyi am home full time with my kids and happy doing it i might say. it saddens me that in this washington culture so many people just don't get the obvious.

[Anonymous]

OP you are lucky to be able to stay home and apparently still afford mortgage/rent, insurance, groceries, etc. You don't need to rub it in to those of us who need two incomes. Some of us have to pay for extra medical costs due to our children being chronically ill, and for speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy due to disabilities, etc. Just stop and consider that you are making judgments about others that are unfair and insensitive. It's not that people don't "get the obvious", it's that everyone's situation is different, and you were not put here to judge others.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the OP is judging or talking about those that have to work. But that said, I have a few questions for those that "must" work. I know there are a lot that do, I have been there. Do you have a cell phone, new car, cable, internet service, eat out lots? There are plenty of ways to stay home for "some". Please don't take this as all could stay home. But I do know plenty of people that could if they really wanted to, but those things listed above are too important in their life. That is shameful. Yes, I am a very proud SAHM. Would not have it any other way. Would eat beans every night if I needed, I just want to be there for my babies in this very short time of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are lucky to be able to stay home and apparently still afford mortgage/rent, insurance, groceries, etc. You don't need to rub it in to those of us who need two incomes. Some of us have to pay for extra medical costs due to our children being chronically ill, and for speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy due to disabilities, etc. Just stop and consider that you are making judgments about others that are unfair and insensitive. It's not that people don't "get the obvious", it's that everyone's situation is different, and you were not put here to judge others.

i apologize and my comments are not directed at people who are in that situation. i am sorry if that is your situation. i really don't want to rub it in. truly. i am referring to people that have a choice financially and continue to work 80 hours a week then they are completely removed on the weekends as well. anyway, you are right. it is not for me to judge. i shouldn't have even posted that message in the first place. i have changed some things in my life and i guess i was just relating those changes to some things i had seen in the movie. i have made changes and i am happy i made them. anyway, once again i really didn't mean to upset anyone. i was just hoping to remind people to look at things from the children's point of view, as we can all be reminded. i was glad to be reminded as well. it reminded me to play that game one more time, stop what i am doing to play with him, etc.. we all encounter reminders everyday about things. mine just that day happened to be the godblessed nanny diaries and for whatever reason i shared it! apparently not the best idea. i will say though instead of always fighting back at comments like mine, i just wish once a working mom would acknowledge that "hey maybe she's right. maybe my kid does need me more. maybe my nanny isn't so great, or maybe nanny is great but my kid still is missing mommy, gosh, maybe i am working too much." maybe we sahm do see things that you all are not seeing b/c we are there with the kids at the parks with the nannies and in the classes with the nannies. maybe we have some insight that you don't have b/c you are not there. so instead of fighting us maybe stop for a moment and say "maybe they have a point," "maybe i should look into this." i am not a mean person. i am just trying to give some insight into things i see.

[Anonymous]

16:11 here. I'm also I think the first poster who responded to your post....I'm the one that said that I saw a SAHM (or who seemed like one) out with a Nanny, but that she didn't seem to be ignoring her child.

I used "lighbulb moment" from another post....someone who was talking about something else.

ANYWAY, my point is that you shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself. I think we mostly knew what you were referring to, it just brought up a bunch of other topics. Also, I think that your defenses are making working mothers here feel like you're trying to insult them, which I don't think you are doing. I personally work part-time and am not insulted by your comments because I don't think that if you knew me you would think that I am neglectful of my child.

The fact is that there are women who ignore their kids who do not have nannies and women who have nannies who are very involved with their kids. There are women who work because they need to and there are women who work because they want to. Neither condition in itself makes a person a bad Parent. There are, in my honest opinion, very few "bad" parents. Nearly every Parent makes decisions based on what they think is right and not every thought every person has is always right.

Your simple post about a silly movie and how it made you think about your life got a little out of hand for no apparent reason. I often post things I think are silly to see if there are any other people who feel what I do and I get back quite a lot of feedback that they don't, in fact, feel that way at all. It seems you keep trying to defend that you aren't trying to insult anybody and it just gets more insulting somehow. People on boards read these things differently than you mean them. It's just nobody's fault.

[Anonymous]

"maybe we sahm do see things that you all are not seeing b/c we are there with the kids at the parks with the nannies and in the classes with the nannies. maybe we have some insight that you don't have b/c you are not there. so instead of fighting us maybe stop for a moment and say "maybe they have a point," "maybe i should look into this." i am not a mean person. i am just trying to give some insight into things i see."

I'm the PP and right when I posted I saw this comment.....the working Moms will have a time with this one. It works both ways ya know. Working Moms with children who are separated from them all day see things differently than you too....through a different lens than you. I think we can acknowlege that there are good and bad points for the Moms and the Kids for either situation (assuming the Parents are loving and involved). We can all learn things from each other. That's why we come and post on boards like this. No one is going to read a post like that and have a revelation because we have all thought about it already. Everyone struggles with that decision.....it's just not the right one for everybody.....for more reasons than is justified to write on a message board. Don't feel bad about it. You do not sound mean....it just is coming out in a way you're not intending it to....