What to do with depressed MIL who is visiting us and new baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would just leave her be. If she gets thirsty or hungry then she can come to the kitchen to get a glass of water and make a sandwich/reheat food. Be pleasant and engage her in convo when she comes out. Your husband can dote on her in the evening if he wants to. This is something that has been happening for decades and I'm sure your husband and his family are doing what works.

The OP's husband should be doting on her and the newborn in the evenings.

[Anonymous]

A newly post partum mother should not be responsible for a mentally ill adult. Your husband is failing you op. He needs to manage this and the suggestions to just let this continue are ridiculous.

How old are these posters who are calling other posters heartless? Sounds like teen silliness. OP is not responsible for managing her mil's illness. I understand compassion but her job is to recover and take care of her infant.

[Anonymous]

OP - You do not say how old your baby is nor if you are out on a limited maternity leave. However, I agree completely that MIL should not be your responsibility. And it goes without saying that you do not leave her alone with the baby at all or even ask her to handle the baby as you just do not know what her reaction would be. I would sit DH down and calmly tell him that his mother has a serious mental illness and needs to be back in her home and being treated for it and not in your home where she could possibly be a danger to the baby unkowningly. If she can't make the trip back herself, then he can take a day off and go with her for a long weekend to get her back home. If there are other siblings or relatives where she lives, then DH should alert them to her return and what her needs are.

You need to bond with and enjoy your baby and your husband ought to be doing so, too. MIL's mental health issues may have been unexpected, but something like a major episode can go on for weeks especially if she is not getting any therapy. I would suggest DH contacting the relative or friend who is closest to his Mom and apprising them of what is up. See who DH should call to see about getting her in for evaluation or connected to MH services in her area. The point is DH needs to take time off to get him Mom back to her home and to figure out care there or even just letting things be as they are, but there.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation when my father once came to visit when my second child was born. He sat on a rocking chair on my porch and chain smoked, staring off into space and barely speaking. It was incredibly sad. My older child wanted to hang out with him, so would play in the yard and my dad would basically ignore the kid. He was, however, eating, bathing and doing all the basic functions. I just tried to check in on him frequently to make sure he didn't need anything and rode it out. My dad has a girlfriend he lives with, so that's a relief that he wasn't going to be alone back at home.