Hurtful comments from mother re: having another child

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with exersaucers and car seats?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with exersaucers and car seats?

Was wondering when someone would point this out. I noticed it too. Typical hypo-neurotic FTM stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your mom once: "Mom, that kind of comment makes me regret confiding in you about the ups and downs of parenting. I thought we were close enough that I could share things with you without judgment. Am I wrong?"

But you mention that she's generally critical: I think the real answer is probably to spend less time with your critical mom and more time with people who actually support you.

NP. I like this a lot and will use a version of it myself.

OP, I know exactly how you feel. Mothers can cut us in ways no one else can. You would think that it wouldn't still be true when you're over 40, but sadly, it is. When I'm on top of my game, I can fend off the hurt fairly easily, but when I'm going through a rough patch, it's really, really hard. And I say all that as someone who has a very good, devoted mother who I know loves me and wants the best for me. Her criticism stems from her own troubled childhood and insecurity, but understanding this intellectually doesn't seem to temper the hurt very much.

[Anonymous]

Just do this when mom says something like this ....

That's what I do. And my mom said the same thing to me, and I was only in my late 30's. DC#2 was born just before I turned 38. Do what you think you can handle.

I think my mom said it because she had all 4 kids before turning 30, and she couldn't imagine taking care of young kids in her 40's. I don't blame her for thinking this, but our lives were totally different. She had no support from my dad in child-rearing, and she didn't have as much modern conveniences as we do today for child rearing, although on the flip side she didn't have to deal with carseats, all the safety measure we take now a days, anxiety about reading before K and so on and so forth.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all of the helpful advice. The comment from my Mom really stung but I would not make a life decision based on what my mother says. Yes I'm far too old for that (37). I usually ignore her criticisms because we are very different people but this one got to me. By the way, there is nothing wrong with an exersaucer or car seat per se. My DS has torticollis and his physical therapist advised me to limit his time in devices like this.

[Anonymous]

As I've gotten closer to 40, I've decided I have had enough of my mother's bullying and got courage to call her out and stand up for myself. It hasn't made our relationship any better but at least I won't feel bad when I put her in a home rather than have her live with me when she's old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the helpful advice. The comment from my Mom really stung but I would not make a life decision based on what my mother says. Yes I'm far too old for that (37). I usually ignore her criticisms because we are very different people but this one got to me. By the way, there is nothing wrong with an exersaucer or car seat per se. My DS has torticollis and his physical therapist advised me to limit his time in devices like this.

Very true. (Those people who had issues with your exersaucer stance should feel like asses for inserting themselves where their questioning is medically inappropriate.)

Remember back when you were young, age maybe 5-20+, and there (maybe) was an old grandma/granddad, and your mom and dad or parents or whatever were like the "active" and operative part of your family? Guess what....your mom is now "old people" and YOU are the central generation of your family. You have your own thing going, and she may be your mom but she is no longer in a position to question your decisions. She can offer advice when asked. When asked.

Own your life.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is toxic. Do what you like. I adopted a baby at 49 years old. I've got the energy, I'm sure you are 20 years my junior.