Selfies. Are they a turn off?

[Anonymous]

You've been dating for two years. Are there other signs you've noticed (or ignored ) about vanity, superficiality, douchiness, etc? Or is this out of the blue? The fact that he got a job out of it tells me he will only be increasing this habit.

[Anonymous]

I despise selfies. And if my daughter ever does one of those stupid duckface selfies, this house is going to be a war zone.

[Anonymous]

I feel like selfies are for teens and 20 something's and those who are hot.

[Anonymous]

If he was handsome and had a nice physique, then I would be quite proud. If you've got it, flaunt it. Cliche, but very true.

As long as he is not cocky or narcissistic, I wouldn't have any issue w/it.

The real issue here is w/you however.

Why does it really bother you OP?
Are you afraid maybe he is doing it because he is hoping to attract another woman? Or are you worried he is putting himself "out there" + another woman may get his attention?

Not accusing. Just adding some food for thought here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

+1

I hate selfies. Doesnt matter the gender. Selfies suggest vanity and self obsession. No thanks.

yes, this.

[Anonymous]

You tell me.

[Anonymous]

I looked up someone I went to school with long ago on fb. Hundreds of "self portraits" Just odd and creepy (especially as he is 45)

[Anonymous]

Friend's girlfriend posts photos of herself all the time. Her FB page is either photos of herself doing 'sexy' things, or photos of men and women with little cliche sayings. Occasionally there is something normal on the page.

I want to bitch-slap my friend for dating her in the first place, but he's enamored and I'm not going there, because I love his kids.

But...ugh. I don't like the constant selfie thing.

[Anonymous]

The only time I think a selfie is appropriate is if you are visiting somewhere and you want a photo of you there but there is nobody around to take it. How often does that happen? Not too often. I took a selfie with my DS and I at the beach b/c I didn't want to hand my phone to anyone with sand/water all over their hands to take the photo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he doing it ironically, knowing full well that it's kind of douche-y? I have guy friends (and girl friends) who do that, and it doesn't bother me when they do it. I would never do a selfie, but I'm not really a picture taker anyway.

A couple of months back he got a job (acting) which came from a casting director seeing a photo on Instagram and we laughed about it. He said in passing that his Instagram account is "so douchey". I think he gets that it's douchey but he's all-in and playing the over playing the role.

Ohh, he's an actor. That changes everything. I dated an actor and they all seems to self-promote like this. Some know is par for the course and some are insecure and need the ego boost. Only you know which camp your bf falls into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Dude sounds like a loser. Is he stupid, vain, lacking any substance, or all of the above?

No. He's really intelligent, caring, great to talk to, etc. We get along fine but this selfie/Instagram thing is just so silly and weird to me. We're moving towards more serious talks about living together and I cringe at the strangeness of perhaps asking him, a grown man, to curtail his Instagram habits.

Have you just asked him about it? Tell him that you're curious about why he likes posting so many shirtless pics, and what he gets out of doing it? In as much of a non-judgemental way as possible (and the way I wrote it probably sounds judgemental, so not that way LOL!). Maybe if you point out that you're curious because you're SO much the opposite (you hardly ever post pics), but you know it's a big thing, so ask him why he thinks people do it so much?

It'll be a way of letting him know a) you notice, b) you don't get it, and maybe hint at c) it's kind of a turn off for you. I don't think you need to say it's a turn off, but really if I were in your shoes I'd go even further and point out that given that he's such a great guy (and list all his great attributes), I'm surprised he feels the need to post so many shirtless pics because, before meeting him, I'd assume that only really insecure people do that. That's what I would say, because it's true, and I'd want him to know that for me, he's so great, there's no need to "advertise" or "remind" everyone how hot he is. I would also probably ask if part of that is keeping his dating options open, because if I'm in a great relationship and it seems headed for a more serious direction, I really am not focused on whether the rest of the world thinks I'm hot, I just want him to think I'm hot and I don't need to post selfies for him to see that.

The sexiest, most model-quality guy I ever dated is a friend on Facebook and I notice he NEVER EVER EVER posts gratuitous "here's me being hot in the park", "ok now here's me being hot at a restaurant", and "here's me being hot walking the dog" pics. He's always clothed (even though he has a stunning body), and he's usually in the background because he only posts social pics of good friends or things he sees when travelling. And never pics of girlfriends, which I find interesting. To me that is confidence and totally attractive. On the other hand, the DH of one of my hottest female friends is ALWAYS posting pics of himself at the gym and performing (he's a singer). I find it a complete turn off and keep wondering how my super-hot friend who is sexy as hell and hardly ever posts sexy pics on FB, how did she end up with someone who needs so much attention? But as long as it works for them of course, not my business...

Whatever you do, let us know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

umm that dude is gay. nothign wrong with it but......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell me.

Ok, I'm a ditz I guess. To OP, is this one of his selfies or is this someone else asking? If someone else, tell you what?

I've taken selfies of myself with my two kids -- at a baseball game, dressed for 4th of July. There is nobody else to take the pictures. They are not flattering and I rarely would post them (b/c I look like a potato head, double chin and all). I have taken selfies to show someone an outfit, my hair, etc. I have not taken them just b/c I thought they were good pictures.

As for the guy you're seeing (is he not your BF?)...this is his thing. I highly doubt he will just all of a sudden stop. And if he gets acting jobs or is an aspiring actor, and can get that work from a selfie rather than from professional shots, he's saving some money in the process. I don't see this stopping just because. I would feel the same way as you, especially if you think he's feeding off the positive comments. This is one of the main reasons I have a love-hate with FB and other social media.