What do you do when you feel like you have nothing left to give?

[Anonymous]

I got it.

[Anonymous]

I take a nap. It changes everything.

Hang in there!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take a nap. It changes everything.

Hang in there!!!

how is she going to take a nap? She is a working mom. I suppose she gets home sometime after 5PM and does the crazy dinner shuffle like everyone else. What if her husband is not home yet? She cannot leave her daughter unattended. Even if she were SAH, how would she nap? Most 4yr olds don't nap and again she could not leave her daughter unattended.

Also to the poster wtih her ???? marks about Daddy and his contribution. This poster makes many assumptions about marital staus. Hello?? There are many single moms who do this all day every day. I have a husband who travels a lot, if I had health problems like the OP, I'd be up the creek without a paddle.

I REALLY REALLY feel for you OP. I'm sure you WANT to give your daughter lots of attention and playtime and wait on her, but you just have to scale it back and your DD will adjust. She is old enough to understand with an understandable adjustment period. You have to think to yourself that "this will pass".

Can you find a mother's helper??? So many young girls are soooo eager to want to earn some money. You could put an ad in a local paper. I had a 11yr old girl eagerly helping me when DS was little for $2/hr. An 11yr old can help prep dinner or just keep your DD occupied while you veg out or just help you take a load off.

If all else fails, I always have my wine

[Anonymous]

You can teach DD to be patient but the problem is if you have always jumped to do her bidding it will take time for her to learn a different way. I tell my 2yo DD "Please wait because mother is tired and can't move quickly" or "Mother can't pick you up because it hurts her back" (I'm pregnant)." If she cries or becomes insistent I almost never give in. I won't do it until she calms down so she has an incentive not to throw tantrums. She is learning that crying/whining/impatience = not getting her way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry you are struggling. And I appreciate your candor and giving us details about what is a tough situation. I wish I was your neighbor. I would come over and help you out. Give you some time to recharge, call your doctors, take care of your back, etc.

As I am not your neighbor (as far as I know), I can only send you good thoughts and energy. Hopefully the other PPs have given you some suggestions that might work.

You have already done many great things for your child. Go easy on yourself, and know that kids are more reslient than we give them credit for.

Take care tonight.

[Anonymous]

I'm still working with my kids on behavior - some days they are angels other days like this morning my youngest one had three tantrums before my 1st cup of coffee and it always seems like the more you need to get out the house right then to keep a schedule, the more one or both decide they have an issue with every little thing. The closest I have to your situation is when my husband is traveling and/or if I am sick and it is just me and the kids. I'm not afraid to use DVDs and shows. I try not to overdue it with t.v. but I've found if I try to keep a fast pace and have the kids with constant activities usually I end up more exhausted than they do and there is no correlation to long nap or sleeping in with being out all day. Most times they fall asleep in the car so the nap at home doesn't happen and then they are tired and cranky in the evening. So basically everyone is tired and cranky when I keep up a hectic pace. Someone mentioned books and artwork. While it doesn't involve them for a long period of time, it is a low impact activity the kids enjoy. My kids for Christmas have a system with a small camera lens (not great resolution but okay) and the toy plays music and hooks in to the t.v. so they see themselves on t.v. They dress up like ballerinas and dance around. I get to watch and it is something that tires them out. We also have computer time where we go to the educational websites for maybe 20-30 minutes.

When it comes to behavior, for some strange reason, my kids seem to connect stories or characters better when I am trying to prove a point rather than if it comes from mommy. For example, I watch Clean House with the kids (more me watching and the kids playing and occassionally looking up). Every now and then, I will say "what will Niecy Nash say if she heard you". Then I go on to say "she would say to stop this foolishness and carrying on". Or if something is messy, I will say, "do you want Niecy Nash to have to come to this house and what would she say if she saw your toys everywhere". My daughter will reply "she would say it is a hot mess". Then we will laugh and I can usually get her to put up the toys with me helping a bit. Believe it or not, that has actually given them pause a time or two and sometimes interrupts a tantrum or helps get them to clean up their toys. I do combine that with consequences like no favorite show or not being able to do something they would want to do. I don't know if there is a children book that talks about the importance of being patient. Or for example I know there are songs on Yo Gabba Gabba that emphasize not biting your friends or not just taking a toy away from someone. The other side of the coin is positive reinforcement. So we also try to make a big deal when they are mommy's helper or did something really nice and were so well behaved when mommy wasn't feeling well.

My kids are a little younger - but I couldn't survive without "quiet time/rest time" on the weekends. My 4 year old is starting to move out of the nap phase but I still insist she have quiet time for an hour in her room where she can read books, play with her toys etc. When she says she isn't tired I tell her the rest time is more for me than it is for her because I'm tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I wouldn't say that she's an uncommonly demanding child, per se. I actually don't want to leave snacks for her. She can reach them now but is very disciplined about not getting them herself, which is important to me because there are weight problems in my family thanks to awful overfeeding habits. It's not so much the feeding as the overall exhaustion and mental overload. THis is a bright kid who wants to engage everyone in conversation about books, news, whatever interests her. She's great at playing independently sometimes, but when she needs me, she needs me.

The TV suggestion is a good one but like her mom, she doesn't really enjoy TV. She's also overindulged with so much tv and video games at her grandparents' house that I really would hate to get her in the habit here.

I guess that the bottom line is that it feels very difficult to say no to everyone. I'm used to pleasing everyone, working my butt off, but I just don't have it right now.

I would say, try to recognize that you are dealing with a crisis situation, and just deal with the present -- not worry about what patterns you are setting up for the future.

So if getting up to get snacks is something hard at times, let her get her snack for now because you are -- essentially, temporarily partially disabled. Sure, you can get up and move around, but it is really hard, and you shouldn't be doing it much.

It's a lot like being on moderate bed rest during pregnancy, where you are only supposed to get up and walk around for an hour a day. You need to rest so that you can recover and be more healthy for yourself and your family.

Don't worry about your daughter watching too much tv during this crisis time. You can always wean her from it later when things are better.

If she doesn't like to watch much TV (Yay, that's great, ordinarily) you still have an extroverted child who wants to talk to you and interact -- you need to find stuff that she can do that will meet some of those needs. Are there computer games she can immerse herself in, when you really need them? There are some on-line programs that are really great for bright, inquisitive kids... I'm thinking of things like BrainPop Jr. for kids in grades K-3. Don't know if there's something similar for younger children.

Other ideas probably aren't that practical but here goes:

Can you find a mother's helper? - 11 or 12 year old to come by and play with your daughter some weekend morning would be a great help. You probably can't find someone to come right at the witching hour of 6 o'clock, when you could really use the help.

Can you possibly reduce your hours at work a little bit? Even one week of working less might help improve your mood and health and emotional well-being....

Can DD call a helpful far away family member every day to talk? I did that for several weeks when my son was about your daughter's age. I had him call Granny when I was just too tired to talk to him.

Having a schedule on paper helps some kids. You block off alternating time periods -- do stuff with mom; do stuff alone.


Hope things get better soon, and hang in there!