Merging finances - how much to contribute to the joint account?

[Anonymous]

I'm a fan of each spouse putting in the same percentage of their pay check, rather than the same dollar amount because there will be times when you're earning differently and to the extent that you've merged finances, it shouldn't be the exact dollar figure, but rather the share of contribution - that's how we thought about it, at least. So for us, that's 95% in each. That makes it less complicated for when DH was under employed, or when I took leave without pay after the baby - if we had been doing dollar number contributions, we each would have been behind & "owed" back pay at some point. With the % based contributions, we're always in compliance.

Alternatively, I also like the idea that you each get to keep a hundred or two on the side each pay check. That works nicely when you basically have fully merged your finances, but want some flexibility for the occasional sludge.

[Anonymous]

We put in 100% into joint checking. From there, we invest, pay bills, etc. All our earnings go to the joint checking.

We both have various retirement savings that are in our individual names.

Right now I work part time and DH earns 80% of the income. When DH was in school, I earned 100%. We have always been in the mindset of what's yours is mine.

[Anonymous]

OP here - just to clarify, it's never been about "yours" and "mine," we just came into the relationship at an older age with our own finances established, and it was easiest to split our very simple and modest living costs - condo, food, groceries, travel. We probably earn about the same amount but my husband definitely winds up spending more because he's generous like that. Now that our life is about to get a lot more expensive and complicated - baby, new home, new car, childcare, etc. - we're trying to figure out the best way to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't the easiest answer be to just contribute a monthly amount that approximates what your joint expenses are? Presumably you've already discussed some kind of split in the expenses so just carry that split forward and each person makes their respective contribution to the joint account. Essentially you're doing the same thing, just adding an extra step (which I agree is probably more convenient).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We merge 100%. But we each get an allowance that we use for our own personal stuff--social stuff with friends, my hair, clothes shopping, his golf trips, etc.

So sort of the opposite of your idea, but in a way we have joint and individual monies.

This is what we do too. Essentially we're paying into the family first, and then getting individual shares of the disposable income to spend/save as we please. We each get the same 'allowance' every month, even though our incomes are very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We merge 100%. But we each get an allowance that we use for our own personal stuff--social stuff with friends, my hair, clothes shopping, his golf trips, etc.

So sort of the opposite of your idea, but in a way we have joint and individual monies.

This is what we do too. Essentially we're paying into the family first, and then getting individual shares of the disposable income to spend/save as we please. We each get the same 'allowance' every month, even though our incomes are very different.

We have done this forever (15 years of marriage). Everything goes into the joint accounts except we each get $200 a week direct deposited into our individual accounts. That money is used for "walking around"--dry cleaners, gas, lunches during the week--plus personal spending on hobbies, books, music, concert tickets, whatever. For us, that amount has always worked so that we feel we have some autonomy over our own spending but basically anything for the household is a joint effort. We have sometimes made very different amounts and sometimes made the same.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised how many woman use the word "allowance" without having the heebie-jeebies.

[Anonymous]

80/20 (Joint/Personal). Works for us and we've been married for 11 years.

[Anonymous]

This is how DH and I did it.

We each kept our checking account and Credit Union savings account.
We opened a joint saving account at Fidelity.
We both maxed out our 401ks (or equivalent)
We looked at each of our take homes and divided up the bills based based on what made the most sense.
We each both deposited a set amount into the Fidelity Account.
At the end of the each year we would look at our balances and make our end of year donations out of which account made sense and wrote an additional check to Fidelity of the "leftover"
We adjusted and tweaked things as our cashflow changed
Sometimes we transfer money from one checking account to the other if the cashflow dictates

Everything from all accounts was entered into the same Quicken program- this is where I feel it was "merged". We looked at all of our accounts together an made plans accordingly. We saved the equivalent of my take home and 10% of DH's income from the start - so we kept our spending in check.

You don't necessarily need a joint checking account to "merge" finances, it is more the attitude of "ours" verses 'his and mine'.

FWIW, it took us longer to merge our laundry than our finances. I don't really know why- although DH has a peculiar way of folding his clothes which was one factor.

Our 20th anniversary is this summer and the above has worked through out. We have each been at home for a bit, both worked FT, and at one point one was FT and one was PT and we adjust things as we go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignoring the wacko judgmental "WE ARE ONE AND TRUE" bunch....

We basically looked at all our monthly bills and came up with a number to cover that plus a decent cushion. And even though our incomes aren't exactly the same, we put in the same amount. (On a HHI of about $230k, we each put in $3k a month)

It's not "whacko." And, by the way, how dare you call me judgmental when you're the one name-calling? Look down at your finger that's pointing at me. What do you see? Oh yeah, three point back at you.

The best way to run a happy marriage and healthy financial household is to think of yourselves as a single financial unit. The separation of finances means you're not really "all in" on your marriage. It really is as simple as that. I acknowledged that there are some people who think this way. But by and large, they're not very happy, and they are prone to petty score keeping and arguments about money.

PP, the degree to which you are worked up about this is pretty disturbing.

Our finances have always been separate. We are very happy. No one is keeping score about money or arguing about money. In many ways, it would be simpler if we combined accounts, but I like the bank I've always had and he likes the bank he's always had and it just hasn't worked out that we've combined yet. We are literally the happiest married people we know. The best way for us to run a happy marriage is to be happy to be married to each other. Our separate bank accounts do not mean we're not all in any more than us not having the same last name means we're not all in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised how many woman use the word "allowance" without having the heebie-jeebies.

I'm not sure why you think those posters are all women. But also, they all describe very egalitarian setups, so perhaps they are not super insecure about using that word.

[Anonymous]

We do proportional contributions.

Our monthly joint expenses are (to pick a round number) $5000. I make 40%, he makes 60%. I automatically put $2K into the joint checking, he puts in $3K.

Our savings goal this year is $10K. I put in $350/mo, he puts in $500/mo.

College savings, same deal as above. We pick a number, split it by percentage.

The rest is separate.

We're still paying off student loans and I have some medical debt, he has some consumer debt from before we were married. Those payments come out of our separate accounts. I also have a child from a previous relationship, so I pay for childcare and camp separately (for child support reasons), the expenses for our kids together and all college savings come from the joint account.

We have periods where the proportions change, so we adjust the amount contributed.

We've talked about moving to a system like what 9:52 posted, but not until our individual debts are paid off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised how many woman use the word "allowance" without having the heebie-jeebies.

Because we've always used it tongue-in-cheek. Not everyone gets that, though--my MIL was horrified the first time she heard me say to my husband "you can buy X but it's coming out of your allowance." She thought he was being abused or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We merge 100%. But we each get an allowance that we use for our own personal stuff--social stuff with friends, my hair, clothes shopping, his golf trips, etc.

So sort of the opposite of your idea, but in a way we have joint and individual monies.

This is what we do as well. Our incomes are really unequal, so it makes little sense for each to contribute some set amount. Made more sense to get a sort of allowance for personal incidentals.

[Anonymous]

We have a joint account and I have a separate account of my own. My husband only uses the joint account for household and his own personal purchases.

I have my own account because I don't want him to see or question me about my spending habits because I earn almost as much as he does. So, my "play money" goes into my account.

I contribute most of my money to our joint checking and savings but I keep a percentage for myself.