URGENT school issue-should he switch schools??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 14. He definitely has a say. Has he visited or shadowed at the new school? Do you feel they will accommodate his needs? 6 is very small. I would change.

he has not shadowed. I guess that is the next step.

[Anonymous]

6? That's crazy small for high school. And way too small to support any kind of extra curricular activities which is often how you form bonds with people. No sports, no drama, no band? I am not sure what circumstances led you to pick this school (special needs, religious beliefs?) but I would absolutely switch. Mine went from a class of 20 to 500 at 9th and was leaps and bounds happier in the larger school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Studies show that <15 per class room is not ideal. If you told me the school was bigger I would say he needed to work harder on finding friends.

WOW, I thought the small class sizes were really great. I guess not.
In what way is it not ideal? Socially or academically?

Both. Academically you need more people to have a full conversation and good deep discussion. You are going to assume there are a few non talkers, so if you have 6 kids in a classroom for discussion, 2 don't really like to talk in a classroom setting, you only have 4 kids discussing.

Also in a bigger school you will find a group that you like socially. You do need to put some effort in, do a club or a sport... something outside of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Move him. My son is somewhat like yours, and was in a VERY similar situation. I had the same doubts you are having. Now he's in a huge high school. He's not popular, but he doesn't stick out like he did in the tiny school. He's got a greater range of classes and activities available, and is much happier.

[Anonymous]

I'd move him. What you are doing isn't working. Make sure he understands that this does not ensure that things will change. That will be up to him.

[Anonymous]

Oh Jesus this is a no brainer. Move him. And let him know that the new school won't be able to help him organize the away the old one did, so he's going to need new strategies. Then help him prepare. Good luck to him!

[Anonymous]

I would look at an even larger school than the larger private. A school of at least 200 would provide enough children for everyone to have their own group of friends and have enough activities that someone could find their niche.

[Anonymous]

9:40 Again. I started a new school in 10th grade and did fine and have many high school friends as an adult. Also switched schools in 9th grade as well.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely move him. That is just too small, not just socially but academically as well. His chances of finding just one kid he clicks with will increase immeasurably at the "larger" school (which is still very, very small).

Regarding the poster above who said she thought small was good, there is a big difference between the number of kids in the classroom and the number of kids in the grade or school. It's great to have just 6 students in an upper-level math or language class. It's decidedly not great to spend an entire day with only 6 people, none of whom you "click" with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move him. My son is somewhat like yours, and was in a VERY similar situation. I had the same doubts you are having. Now he's in a huge high school. He's not popular, but he doesn't stick out like he did in the tiny school. He's got a greater range of classes and activities available, and is much happier.

This. I went to a small high school, and DS went to very small elementary and middle schools. I was very nervous about him switching to a GIANT high school. But he has opportunities there that I never could have imagined and he's found his "people." No one could be more surprised than I at how well it has worked out.

[Anonymous]

Move him.

But also you need to find him more social situations with the opportunity to make friends.

I have no idea about that age group, but I am thinking sports clubs, pottery class....

[Anonymous]

OP,

Overall I prefer a large public.

My 9 year old has diagnosed ADD and suspected Asperger's. His classmates are friendly, but he has no friends, KWIM?

Having done both a small private and a large public, I can tell you it hasn't yet made a difference in the friends department because it's our sons who have to be willing to connect and make the effort! The day DS really wants to make friends, he will try harder. I have enrolled him in social skills groups in the past, maybe you might want to look into that, although I have reservations about the transfer into real life of skills he learns there.

Small classes are wonderful for executive function issues. Unless you are sure that the larger public school will help him with organization, by implementing his IEP for example, he will have a hard time adjusting.
OTOH, he has to prepare for college independence at some point, and also he might meet a like-minded friend in a bigger school.

Does he have an IEP which can be implemented for organizational help?
My son has an IEP and has received a ton of support in his public school.
We save money for college, so I think it's a win-win for us!

Good luck, these decisions are not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From personal experience, it is painful to be in a tiny setting at a private school where no one is your friend.

That will stay with him for a lifetime, and is not worth one bit of extra attention and organization.

You would be better off homeschooling him and attending a weekly co op with more students his age.

In my opinion, six is an unacceptable number of classmates for a high school student.

110 is still a very small class, but opens him to the possibility of actually making one or two friends.

Listen to your son.

I can tell you I am not cut out for home schooling. Plus, that won't help him make friends. He wouldn't want to be home schooled anyway.
What do you mean 110 is a small class?

Your son will have a bigger circle of friends in an active homeschool co-op than he does in a private school with a high school class of 6. With that tiny of a class, he really is better off socially in a home school co-op (and I am not advocating that, just stating a fact).

110 is a tiny class for high school. There are many high schools that have close to that many students in their football program alone. 110 is half the size of my niece's medium sized dance studio that goes from ages 2-adult. 110 is a very small class for high school, but it will provide your child enormous opportunities for friendship compared to a class of 6 kids.

In my opinion, the best schools are smaller on the elementary level, medium (200-ish/grade) for the middle school level, and large 400+) at the high school level. The larger high school provides kids with more academic opportunities, better and more competitive extracurriculars, and enough kids so that everyone can find a social group.

[Anonymous]

Another option is to use this time to repeat a grade. He might do better with younger kids.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't have friends within this tiny group of 6 kids, the next 3 years will be miserable. Can you imagine going to work every day in a small office and no one talks to you? How awful.

This just really seems like a no-brainer.