DO I just stop sending gifts?

[Anonymous]

How can you not know why you were cut off?

No clue? That hardly sounds plausible.
Your parents or other relative can't give you the answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Clearly your sibling wants NO contact. Save your pennies and your sanity and send nothing else

++ 10 years? Stop. Definitely stop.

[Anonymous]

Do the kids send you thank you notes? If they do, then I'd keep sending gifts. If they don't, fuck 'em.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if they even let their kids open your gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you not know why you were cut off?

No clue? That hardly sounds plausible.
Your parents or other relative can't give you the answer?

+1

OP, I find it improbable that you really have absolutely no clue. Your sibling clearly does not want you to be in their life. Respect their boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you not know why you were cut off?

No clue? That hardly sounds plausible.
Your parents or other relative can't give you the answer?

I've called them a few times and left messages but no return call. With caller ID, it's easy to avoid someone.
I've asked my parents and other sibling who have spoken with him several times about this and all they say is call them to ask for yourself.

This sibling was kind of a bully growing up; everything was their way. They didn't treat our mother very nicely but she saw and treated them as God. Now as an adult I can see that maybe my mother was fearful of their strong, spoiled, personality - not in a violence way but in a "you can't tell me what to do way." My other sibling and I coward to her but this sibling was dominate.

[Anonymous]

You are probably better off without them. Your sibling sounds hardcore. Your other family members who probably know what the problem is--won't mediate... That's says a lot about the all-around dysfunction.

Maybe you can have an Aunt relationship with the kids when they get older, when they can contact you on their own.

[Anonymous]

Stop. We were in the same situation. We stopped.

[Anonymous]

Stop sending gifts or cards. Your sibling probably doesn't even give them to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you not know why you were cut off?

No clue? That hardly sounds plausible.
Your parents or other relative can't give you the answer?

I've called them a few times and left messages but no return call. With caller ID, it's easy to avoid someone.
I've asked my parents and other sibling who have spoken with him several times about this and all they say is call them to ask for yourself.

This sibling was kind of a bully growing up; everything was their way. They didn't treat our mother very nicely but she saw and treated them as God. Now as an adult I can see that maybe my mother was fearful of their strong, spoiled, personality - not in a violence way but in a "you can't tell me what to do way." My other sibling and I coward to her but this sibling was dominate.

This sounds co-dependent, OP. You don't have a stable, solid relationship with your estranged sibling. Why are you trying to force it, or maintain it? For TEN YEARS?

I cut out a sibling of mine who was toxic and manipulative, although they will probably say they have no idea why I cut them out. They still send me cards, photos, etc, even though I've made it clear that i want no part of their life. It's ignored and tossed in the trash, or donated. I view their actions as part of the same manipulative sibling I used to know, to try and draw me back into their drama.

Family schisms are difficult, and maybe you need to grieve the loss of your sibling, even though they're still alive. But really, just stop. Move forward in your life.

[Anonymous]

Not the same situation because a) not my family, only VERY close friends b) I knew why I got the cold shoulder…

But, I kept sending X-mas card every year after they gave me the cold shoulder. After my child was born I sent the birth announcement and sent x-mas card for 2 more years. After that, still not getting any acknowledgment, I decided to stop all communications as they clearly don't want anything to do with me.

I am just pissed off that I tried all those years because their reasons are really messed up. At this point, fuck them.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your sibling has had social issues of their own since childhood.

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you were trying to be visible in your niece's and nephew's life although your sibling prohibited it. I don't fault you for trying. You heart was in the right place. I'm sorry they are a d*ck.

+2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the kids send you thank you notes? If they do, then I'd keep sending gifts. If they don't, fuck 'em.

+1 It's weird that they won't return the presents if they're so pissed at you. Even weirder that they're avoiding you at family functions - does the same apply for the kids? No one caught on to it? Someone in the family must know the reason for this 10 year estrangement.

[Anonymous]

I think if it were me, I'd never stop sending small gifts and cards. It would kill me to know I had nieces and nephews that I didn't even know what they looked like. 10 years is a long time to be mad. If it were my family, I'd call everyday. If they blocked my calls, I'd hire a PI.

All I can think about is learning 8 years after the fact that my grandfather died. And I had to be the one to tell my mother that none of her brothers or sisters called to let her know. She was sending a dead man Christmas cards for years.