Family Vacations WWYD?
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Anonymous
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If you want to go to the same place but don't want to pay for the extended family, then about a month after this year's summer vacation send them an email saying how much fun you had and you're sad to announce you won't be able to host everyone next year due to budgeting constraints, but if they'd like to come it'll cost about $1200 per bedroom (or however much).
If you want to go somewhere else or want to vacation without extended family, then about a month after this year's summer vacation send them an email saying how much fun you had, and you and DH have decided to try something new next summer so won't be renting this house in 2015. However if they'd like to rent it to go without you, it costs $6000 (or however much total) and you're happy to get them in touch with the landlord. But before you do either of these, you and your husband need to be on the same page as each other. Work on that first. |
Anonymous
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Question:
When do you see your extended family? Is it only during the summer? Milestones (Wedding / Graduations)? Holidays? Do you do similar extended family visits with your family? I know how stressful vacations with family can be - but you need to get to the real issue before you can come up with the right solution. |
Anonymous
The cape does sound like a good change. I'm not sure how it's the same driving distance though. |
Anonymous
| We do take the kids to other places, is the thing. We probably take 4-5 week long vacations (plus a few long weekends), one of which being our annual OBX trip which has turned into something of a tradition. So wouldn't they wonder why we're suddenly wanting to go to Europe over July 4 when we all usually go to OBX? DH's family makes a lot less money than we do so he feels it would be tacky and awkward to ask them to chip in, and I can't really blame him for that. So our options are basically a.) keep going to OBX and pay for rental (DH's choice) or b.) stop going altogether (mine). I'm just wondering how we can do B without having to have an awkward conversation. And how I can convince my H. |
Anonymous
His family? ALL the freakin time. Seriously, at LEAST once a week and often more. They do offer to babysit for us often, which is very sweet, and I do sincerely appreciate it. But the weekly or biweekly get togethers are too much for me. DH doesn't get it though and when I try to talk to him about it he accuses me if being grouchy and anti social. We go to visit see my family once a year for about a week. My mom drives down to visit fir a few days about once every six weeks. We're close but we don't see each other that often. Just a very different dynamic between the two obviously. |
Anonymous
Based on this, you should probably visit PP's suggestion of every other summer. Keeps DH happy, and you get to visit different places. Not sure why that isn't an option. |
Anonymous
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You totally have every right to want to go somewhere new.
Just putting another idea out there: It sounds like it's a family tradition that your husband enjoys. Maybe your kids, too? Those types of rituals are a very fond part of childhood, etc. and maybe several participants really enjoy the trip and the memories. 'If' that's the case, would every other year be an option? Would that be more palatable to your husband, knowing his huge family vacay tradition isn't over with, just added to? |
Anonymous
Oh sorry, someone beat me to the OOY suggestion... |
Anonymous
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Gosh I know I am the only dissenting voice here but I really feel like you should suck it up and go with your husband's family. You could still rent on different parts of the OBX every year for some variety. Your husbands parents won't be with you forever and you won't be going there for the rest of your life, certainly.
These people raised your husband to be the man he is, and they don't have a whole bunch of money. I'm sure they provide you with free babysitting while you are at the beach so you can go out to dinner with your husband. I'm sure this vacation allows your husband to reconnect with them in a way that improves his quality of life. It sounds to me like you and your husband have a pretty nice standard of living and your husband at least feels like he owes them. I think it would be a shame and fairly selfish if you took this away from them. I mean, a week at a beachfront property at the OBX is too déclassé for you? Where is your sense of family obligation? Someday your kids and their SOs may be in the same position, and I hope you can imagine how hurtful it might be to be on the receiving end. FWIW, in my opinion there is no way to break this news to them in a way that is not hurtful, particularly if your family is still going to a beach, just one that is more upscale and filled with richer people. JMHO. |
Anonymous
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OP, I wonder...if you had a bit more of a break from your ILs during the year, would the vacation seem so bad?
I'm also wondering who manages 4-5 weeklong vacations a year? Really? That seems unreal to me, but, if true, you might consider sucking it up and continuing. And, unless the dynamics just wouldn't work, why not invite your mom too? |
Anonymous
These are good points. Sorry, OP, I vote suck it up too. If it really is just one vacation out of the 4-5 you will take this year, it shouldn't be a big deal to you. |
Anonymous
| Love Deep Creek! I think that's a great idea. Large houses, not too much $$ |
Anonymous
| I'm the first pp to suggest every other week or asking them to pitch in. Since you said that they can't afford to pitch in and you said that you take 4-5 weekly vacations a year(!), could you reduce the budget on one of your other vacations to be able to increase the budget on the extended family vacation to include them in Nantucket? If you have the means to take that many vacations a year, it sounds like you could afford to pay $10,000 for a vacation in Nantucket, you just don't want to. And certainly it is your choice to spend your money however you want but it sounds like it's important to your dh to take his family on a vacation. |
Anonymous
| I kind of agree-- if this was your only time off that would be one thing, but if it's one of 4-5 weeks off and you would just be swapping one beach location for another I think you should suck it up for the family. Honestly, Nantucket has nothing going on, and MV and the Cape aren't the paradises some people seem to suggest they are (not that they aren't great, but it's not like you are missing out on anything-- and why not take a long weekend to MV if you want to check it out)/ |
Anonymous
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I disagree with "suck it up". You see these folks A LOT. You deserve time as a nuclear family to connect. Your kids will also benefit from seeing new places, having new experiences, etc. I don't agree with the idea that you should suck it up because these people raised your sons. Good god, that excuse could be used to knock down just about anything that you want that he/they don't.
Do your own thing. It will make your other time with them much more tolerable, particularly because you won't have this resentment building. |