Anonymous wrote:My father has always been overbearing bordering on abusive. I moved away from my home to go to college and never looked back. Since then my parents have had good and bad years. But recently, my father's behavior has gotten more troubling. He's retired now and wont let my mom leave the house without him. He won't let her come visit us even if I offer to pay for the plane ticket. Because of his health he doesnt want to travel and feels that he needs my Mom there to take care of him.
This dynamic means I don't see my parents very often. Visiting them is very difficult on me because my father is prone to drinking and I don't want to expose my children to his behavior.
I find this all unacceptable but I don't know what to do. My Mom is a grown woman, she is educated and if she wanted to she could divorce my father. At the same time I know that she's feeling helpless and doesnt see a way out. I also don't think my dad is willing to change his ways. Is there anything I can do? I would really like to see my mother and I'm heartbroken that I don't see her more than once a year.
Your mom has lived with and accepted this dynamic. You have come to realize why it is toxic, but she has not.
I'm really sorry, OP, but that is what you are working against. Agree with others to find a way (visit nearby in hotels, call her when he's not around) to keep in contact with her. However, you have to recognize that there won't be a change unless she decides there needs to be a change.
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