Do I have the right to expect certain table manners from spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married a long time and spouse still constantly chews with mouth open, shoves enormous amounts of food in his mouth and talks with his mouth full. When we are out to dinner or at a friends house he uses good manners. Waits until he has finished chewing to answer a question, takes a reasonably size bite. At home though, he is really gross.

He knows it bothers me and does not really care. He makes silly oopsI forgot faces, and en continues to eat like a slob.

I obviously have been unsuccessful in persuading him to adopt the manners I prefer.
All thoughts welcome.

Maybe it is my pet peeve and I need to just remove myself from the situation.

There is your answer right there. You can expect whatever you want, but he will not give you what you want.

Was your DH like this before you married?

My DH has horrible table manners too. His whole family does.

DH's manners are bad at home and elsewhere and are the reason I do not take him to work-related spouses-included events. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Familiarity breeds contempt.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

If he always did this, sorry but why did you marry him then, if it bothers ypou that much? I would have been on your side if he started this recently but you knew this about him and married him anyway. Why should he change now?!

[Anonymous]

20:09. I think it is really hard to understand how much something will bother you over time. We were pretty young, early twenties, and frankly not really able to project out 25 years. So yes I knew, but I thoguht it was an aspect of his lack of civilization that would wane and not wax. He was not handy or patient and was selfish in ways he is not now but this thing has not gone away. And I am sure he mad an effort when wooing that he does not make now.

Anyhow, yes I am trying to figure how to let it go. Quietly leaving the room, ignoring it...

He also used to pass gas, horribly smelly that made me gag. Stopped because our children admonished him and threw up on him. Just once, but that did the trick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he always did this, sorry but why did you marry him then, if it bothers ypou that much? I would have been on your side if he started this recently but you knew this about him and married him anyway. Why should he change now?!

Exactly right! I don't understand spouses complaining about habits and attitudes that were or should have been obvious before getting married. One sees it all the time on these forums and my invariable reaction is that you were aware of it before you got married so why are you making an issue of it now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he can turn his table manners off and on like that, then my only conclusion is that he's a jerk who likes to push your buttons. Ask him WHY he feels the need to purposely do what he KNOWS is your pet peeve. Until he can eat like a civilized human being in your presence, maybe he needs to eat alone. Set him up in the kitchen while you eat in the DR, or vice versa

+1

This. It's one thing to have more casual manners at home than in public, but chewing with your mouth open is just gross. He knows how to eat like a normal person, he's choosing not to. Personally, I would just say that while I don't care if he puts his elbows on the table or eats the chicken with his fingers, I don't want to see partially masticated food and I simply can't look at him or talk to him when he eats like that. Then don't look at him or talk to him when he eats like that.

[Anonymous]

I would stop having meals with him.

[Anonymous]

He's not going to change. Suggest he take his meals in front of the television. You can stay at the table and read a book for company.

[Anonymous]

He's trying to wind you up.
Tell him you don't like his lack of manners around home and that's disrespectful to you.
The next time say stop disrespecting you.
Lastly, ask him what the real problem is. You can't read minds.