Explaining Perfectionism/Emotional Issues to Camp/New People, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, leave aside the gifted issue. Giftedness has absolutely nothing to do with an inability to control emotions. Saying it will only turn off the counselors.

She's not just sensitive, she has an emotional problem. I hope you are seeking professional care for her because it can and will become worse. I went through this with my DD. Unless you address this it can become a recipe for depression/anxiety/self-harm/drug abuse/school refusal, not to mention how difficult it makes everyone's lives. If you haven't already, start looking for a professional therapist now.

You need to tell the camp. You will be doing your daughter a real disservice of you don't. Tell them what helps.

She may have a great time and find it a real distraction from her issues. But please don't be blinded by gifts. Thats just the comforting story parents tell themselves. My DD is "gifted" as well. But it has nothing to do with he emotional issues. We reached a real crisis point. You need to step in now so you don't, and I mean step in aggressively. She's really miserable.

Not exactly true. Gifted kids are often very sensitive and prone to Dobrowski's Overexitabilities.

However, this has risen from the level of normal giftedness to the level of a mental health issue. Kids can have both, and many gifted kids are 2E.

Be that as it may, please explain the value in explaining to a camp counselor that your child is "gifted" in this context? This isn't value-added information for them.

+1...Saying that she is gifted in this context sounds like you are trying to justify her emotional issues by saying that she is an extra special little princess.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are dealing with this, OP. Just wanted to add that while the camp director may understand your dd's issues, he/she isn't going to be the one dealing with your child every day. It's going to be a college or high school student. Use the opportunity to push for the most nurturing counselor you can get (assuming that groups haven't already been established). Agree with the others on only bringing up what's relevant to camp - that's the emotional stuff - nothing academic. Signed mom of two anxious kids who are definitely not gifted .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, leave aside the gifted issue. Giftedness has absolutely nothing to do with an inability to control emotions. Saying it will only turn off the counselors.

She's not just sensitive, she has an emotional problem. I hope you are seeking professional care for her because it can and will become worse. I went through this with my DD. Unless you address this it can become a recipe for depression/anxiety/self-harm/drug abuse/school refusal, not to mention how difficult it makes everyone's lives. If you haven't already, start looking for a professional therapist now.

You need to tell the camp. You will be doing your daughter a real disservice of you don't. Tell them what helps.

She may have a great time and find it a real distraction from her issues. But please don't be blinded by gifts. Thats just the comforting story parents tell themselves. My DD is "gifted" as well. But it has nothing to do with he emotional issues. We reached a real crisis point. You need to step in now so you don't, and I mean step in aggressively. She's really miserable.

Not exactly true. Gifted kids are often very sensitive and prone to Dobrowski's Overexitabilities.

However, this has risen from the level of normal giftedness to the level of a mental health issue. Kids can have both, and many gifted kids are 2E.

So what? Their parents are still responsible for disciplining them and teaching them not to have meltdowns. That's the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, leave aside the gifted issue. Giftedness has absolutely nothing to do with an inability to control emotions. Saying it will only turn off the counselors.

She's not just sensitive, she has an emotional problem. I hope you are seeking professional care for her because it can and will become worse. I went through this with my DD. Unless you address this it can become a recipe for depression/anxiety/self-harm/drug abuse/school refusal, not to mention how difficult it makes everyone's lives. If you haven't already, start looking for a professional therapist now.

You need to tell the camp. You will be doing your daughter a real disservice of you don't. Tell them what helps.

She may have a great time and find it a real distraction from her issues. But please don't be blinded by gifts. Thats just the comforting story parents tell themselves. My DD is "gifted" as well. But it has nothing to do with he emotional issues. We reached a real crisis point. You need to step in now so you don't, and I mean step in aggressively. She's really miserable.

Not exactly true. Gifted kids are often very sensitive and prone to Dobrowski's Overexitabilities.

However, this has risen from the level of normal giftedness to the level of a mental health issue. Kids can have both, and many gifted kids are 2E.

So what? Their parents are still responsible for disciplining them and teaching them not to have meltdowns. That's the point.

While I don't buy into this overexcitability thing, you cannot "teach" or "discipline" a child out of anxiety. Well, you can teach coping skills but discipline will only make the problem worse. But of course this is DCUM where parents of kids who don't have SN love to come to this section to judge those of us who do.

[Anonymous]

OP - your child sounds like my DD. We did wind up finally getting her treated for anxiety - it has changed her life so much. I wish we had not waited so long (she was 10 when we finally took her to a psychologist).

[Anonymous]

You can't discipline away an anxiety attack anymore than you can discipline away an asthma attack.

A therapist can teach an anxious child to recognize his or her triggers and moderate a response.

OP, many young child with/without anxiety bring a comfort object to camp. My daughter was a camp counselor for many kids with small stuffed animals, magic rocks, and other geegaws. It was never an issue.

[Anonymous]

Meltdowns and bouts of crying when things don't go right could be anxiety attacks, yes. They could also be immaturity. They could also be bad behavior. Whatever they may be, parents do have a responsibility to teach coping mechanisms and self-adjusting therapeutic behaviors. You can call that discipline, you can call that therapeutic strategies, you can call that personal responsibility, you can call that Fred. But it's the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meltdowns and bouts of crying when things don't go right could be anxiety attacks, yes. They could also be immaturity. They could also be bad behavior. Whatever they may be, parents do have a responsibility to teach coping mechanisms and self-adjusting therapeutic behaviors. You can call that discipline, you can call that therapeutic strategies, you can call that personal responsibility, you can call that Fred. But it's the same thing.

Please, there is a difference between discipline -- which involves punishment -- and therapeutic strategies.

[Anonymous]

OP- my son is HG+ and a big time perfectionist/ emotional/ anxious kid. I absolutely believe that my son's intellectual functioning contributes to these issues.

I agree however, that you should not mention giftedness in a camp environment. Just stick to strategies for handling behavior.

No one will get it- and will imagine that you are making excuses for your child's issues. I also agree that if your daughter is having significant difficulty functioning, she needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meltdowns and bouts of crying when things don't go right could be anxiety attacks, yes. They could also be immaturity. They could also be bad behavior. Whatever they may be, parents do have a responsibility to teach coping mechanisms and self-adjusting therapeutic behaviors. You can call that discipline, you can call that therapeutic strategies, you can call that personal responsibility, you can call that Fred. But it's the same thing.

Wow! This response is out of line.

[Anonymous]

Not a lot to add, as our DD's perfectionist tendencies aren't so severe. But wanted to share one small thing / family culture change that has helped us. Specifically that our family no longer says "Practice Makes Perfect" - instead we say "Practice Makes Better."

Obviously this doesn't sound as good as the original, but it came out of a conversation we had one time in response to the original phrase upsetting our child because as she said (to paraphrase) "I DID practice! And it's not perfect!" So we talked about how practice doesn't always make perfect, that noone and nothing is ever perfect anyway, that we can't always be the best, but that practice DOES make us better.

It's a little thing, but it really does seem to help our daughter, so thought I would share in case it could help someone else's child too.

[Anonymous]

My DD was like this. It's gotten better and better as she's gotten older. Lots of talking through it. Lost some friends when she was younger, but she's doing much better now at 12 than she was at 8.

[Anonymous]

^^ and yes, she is "gifted".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meltdowns and bouts of crying when things don't go right could be anxiety attacks, yes. They could also be immaturity. They could also be bad behavior. Whatever they may be, parents do have a responsibility to teach coping mechanisms and self-adjusting therapeutic behaviors. You can call that discipline, you can call that therapeutic strategies, you can call that personal responsibility, you can call that Fred. But it's the same thing.

Please, there is a difference between discipline -- which involves punishment -- and therapeutic strategies.

I am not the pp but discipline is about teaching children to follow a proscribed code of conduct, not punishment. People can use punishment as a part of a discipline strategy. They can also use therapeutic interventions as a part of a discipline strategy. It's all about shaping behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, I went through this with my DS. He is on the spectrum (ADHD, Asperger's and anxiety). We have not done NT camps in several years. I've found that they are not equip to handle kids who need a bit more support (and my kid is considered on the milder side). My DS has done camps that are considered inclusion (SN and NT). I find the staff is older and better able to deal with my child and others.