Tired of being excluded by SIL for every event WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told my brother about it and he seems to think I'm making a big deal out of a little mistake, but how many times can you make the same mistake about the same person? It's obvious she doesn't like a me and honestly the feeling is mutual. Although, I never exclude them off of invitations.


Should I say something to my brother or just leave it alone. It's especially frustrating because my boys love to together with their cousin and if I don't plan something, they never do.

Vent, over, I'm feeling really sad about this. Before this b*tch came into my brother life, we had a great relationship, now, it's all down hill.

The simple solution is your brother communicates with you and family events and you to him. Obviously there will be a step where he has to check with SIL since she is likely the keeper of the family schedule. My SIL doesn't leave us off events, we just find out last minute via my BIL to my husband while she will tell her family months in advance. My friend gave me good advice and said let the siblings drive the relationship . If our kids will see each other the siblings have to make it priority for their kids to get together. If we get a last minute invite, we aren't going to wrap ourselves around attending if we can't make it. You can't hold on to anger about the things you can't change, you have to focus on the things you can. If your brother isn't willing to meet you halfway and plan things for the kids to see you and communicate event information, then you can't blame the SIL, he has to take responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I could write your story though I started to detach around year 1. My SIL would either not invite me or wait until the very last minute to invite and seemed to enjoy watching me break my plans. No way I would carry on for 15 years. I talked to my brother and he thought I was over reacting. I detached after that. I ended up missing my brothers bday party to prove a point. When my pissed off brother asked me where I was I told them I was not invited. SIL excuse she must have "forgot". After that peoples eyes were opened and my brother finally saw the light. I heard my brother got in a screaming match with her and he told her he would not tolerate her behavior. Suffice it to say I have been invited to every event they host since. It was not until my brother called his wife out on her bad behavior that things changed. The only thing I can think of I did is that I did not make her a bridesmaid in my wedding. We did not have issues before that.

[Anonymous]

It's interesting people are blaming their sisters in law for not inviting them. It is equally the brothers fault.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you should address this with your op brother.

Say, your wife frequently does not include me in invitations. Provide examples.then ask, in the future, could you please invite me yourself rather than assume she has done it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting people are blaming their sisters in law for not inviting them. It is equally the brothers fault.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MY SIL was like that, until my MIL died. Odd, but there was a triangle thing going on.

I had the same experience with my MIL/SIL...when MIL was alive SIL would pretty much not talk to me We'd visit and they would be this tight unit and I was clearly the outsider. After MIL died, suddenly I was worth talking to. We still don't get invited to anything, but they live in a different town and DH is virtually the only person in his family who ever moved away. Apparently they don't know how to have a relationship with someone who doesn't live in the same county.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'll be the odd man out and say I think you're being a drama queen. Not everyone gets invited to the baptism mass - sometimes it's just the mother, father, grandparents, and godparents. If you're not a godparent, perhaps you weren't invited because you, and all the other non-godparents, weren't supposed to be and you just put everyone in an awkward situation by forcing yourself onto the invite list. You probably took it as personal when it wasn't about you. Now your SIL has to go around and invite all the other aunts, uncles, and cousins to the mass as well, even though it was initially supposed to be a small, intimate mass with a party after. You were invited to the party and that's where your presence is most appropriate.

Maybe the other things you feel you're excluded from are events you don't really belong at anyway. You'd probably have a better relationship with your SIL if you didn't always assume it's about you - it most likely isn't. She's not excluding you from her life - she's inviting you to the events that she thinks of as open to the extended family. Sure, your her husband's sister but that doesn't mean you belong at every single event they have for their kids.