Dysfunctional Mother's Day cards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.

Hum… it takes two to tango.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Some mothers are abusive. They don't stop being abusive just because their children are grown up.

[Anonymous]

You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.

[Anonymous]

Mom, I love you.

Even though I invite you often, I know you're very busy visiting your other, prettier, favorite daughter so I understand why you haven't visited in six years. Enclosed is a picture of your grandchildren, they've grown a bit since you saw them 4 years ago. I'll when they're off to college.

Happy Mothers Day.

PS- how's the alcoholism progressing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.

If this is truly how I felt, I wouldn't send one. No law against that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't acknowledge mothers day last year. My birthday is in October and my father told me that my mother didn't want to give me anything for it because of my lack of doing anything for mother's day.

My mother became a shittier and shittier mother as the years went on, and now it's at the point where I don't ever want to be around her at all. Sometimes I can stand to talk to her for about 10 minutes once a month. She lives on the other side of the country and I don't visit.

To the poster who said "You can't think of one good thing about your mother?" - well, yes. I can. But I've already acknowledged the good things she did when I was growing up. I don't feel like acknowledging them every SINGLE year. That seems stupid.

She's not a good mother now. I don't respect her. I'm not even sure I love her anymore. She has done a lot of really, really awful things with deep, long-lasting consequences that both my sister and I work hard at overcoming. So no, I don't really want to pat her on the back for things she did in the 80's and 90's because Hallmark tells me it's time to.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I didn't acknowledge mothers day last year. My birthday is in October and my father told me that my mother didn't want to give me anything for it because of my lack of doing anything for mother's day.

My mother became a shittier and shittier mother as the years went on, and now it's at the point where I don't ever want to be around her at all. Sometimes I can stand to talk to her for about 10 minutes once a month. She lives on the other side of the country and I don't visit.

To the poster who said "You can't think of one good thing about your mother?" - well, yes. I can. But I've already acknowledged the good things she did when I was growing up. I don't feel like acknowledging them every SINGLE year. That seems stupid.

She's not a good mother now. I don't respect her. I'm not even sure I love her anymore. She has done a lot of really, really awful things with deep, long-lasting consequences that both my sister and I work hard at overcoming. So no, I don't really want to pat her on the back for things she did in the 80's and 90's because Hallmark tells me it's time to.

Then don't send her a card. Can't you see that by ruminating on this, you are letting her win? Do nothing for her and don't think about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.

Hum… it takes two to tango.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Some mothers are abusive. They don't stop being abusive just because their children are grown up.

Maybe not always, but in this particular case I am sure Op danced too. Otherwise, she wouldn't be even thinking about sending such a childless card. If you have an abusive parent, just don't send any card at all. Don't engage and go looking for an away to get back. That just shows that op is at fault as well and the apple didn't fall too far of the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.

Hum… it takes two to tango.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Some mothers are abusive. They don't stop being abusive just because their children are grown up.

Maybe not always, but in this particular case I am sure Op danced too. Otherwise, she wouldn't be even thinking about sending such a childless card. If you have an abusive parent, just don't send any card at all. Don't engage and go looking for an away to get back. That just shows that op is at fault as well and the apple didn't fall too far of the tree.

What are you prattling on about?

[Anonymous]

OMG. I go through this every year with my borderline mother. No card can be good enough compared to the card I get for my father for Father's Day. No card cannot be picked apart for subtle insult.

Here's the best example. In 2006 I had my first child in late spring by c/s. I was so proud of myself that I got it together, got her into her layers of clothes, got myself dressed and dragged us both to Whole Foods to buy mom a MD card, found a stamp and mailed it on time! Yay me! They didn't have a huge selection of cards but I found one that was innocuous and pleasant or so I thought. It had a cute little frog on the front and a glass of fizzy champagne and said "Have a Hoppy Mother's Day!


She called saying she had to talk to me because she was concerned and hurt about my card. Her complaints: (1) She did not know what the frog "meant" and it was ugly; (2) since I don't drink so why was there champagne on the card; (3) the joke wasn't funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. I go through this every year with my borderline mother. No card can be good enough compared to the card I get for my father for Father's Day. No card cannot be picked apart for subtle insult.

Here's the best example. In 2006 I had my first child in late spring by c/s. I was so proud of myself that I got it together, got her into her layers of clothes, got myself dressed and dragged us both to Whole Foods to buy mom a MD card, found a stamp and mailed it on time! Yay me! They didn't have a huge selection of cards but I found one that was innocuous and pleasant or so I thought. It had a cute little frog on the front and a glass of fizzy champagne and said "Have a Hoppy Mother's Day!


She called saying she had to talk to me because she was concerned and hurt about my card. Her complaints: (1) She did not know what the frog "meant" and it was ugly; (2) since I don't drink so why was there champagne on the card; (3) the joke wasn't funny.

I'm so sorry. Just do your best and ignore it. If she bitches say, "You know I love you, Mom." and then let it go. She's never going to be happy. Thank the gods that you don't live in her head. As hard as it is to live with her, imagine BEING HER. She has to live in her crazy head 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need one that says:
Mom, I love you, even though I no longer put up with your shit. Sorry that it has to be this way, but really, it's your fault.

Hum… it takes two to tango.

Oh, no, it doesn't. Some mothers are abusive. They don't stop being abusive just because their children are grown up.

Maybe not always, but in this particular case I am sure Op danced too. Otherwise, she wouldn't be even thinking about sending such a childless card. If you have an abusive parent, just don't send any card at all. Don't engage and go looking for an away to get back. That just shows that op is at fault as well and the apple didn't fall too far of the tree.

You project a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. I go through this every year with my borderline mother. No card can be good enough compared to the card I get for my father for Father's Day. No card cannot be picked apart for subtle insult.

Here's the best example. In 2006 I had my first child in late spring by c/s. I was so proud of myself that I got it together, got her into her layers of clothes, got myself dressed and dragged us both to Whole Foods to buy mom a MD card, found a stamp and mailed it on time! Yay me! They didn't have a huge selection of cards but I found one that was innocuous and pleasant or so I thought. It had a cute little frog on the front and a glass of fizzy champagne and said "Have a Hoppy Mother's Day!


She called saying she had to talk to me because she was concerned and hurt about my card. Her complaints: (1) She did not know what the frog "meant" and it was ugly; (2) since I don't drink so why was there champagne on the card; (3) the joke wasn't funny.

I'm so sorry. This is exactly something my mother would do and say. " No card can be good enough compared to the card I get for my father for Father's Day. No card cannot be picked apart for subtle insult." This is what I go through, too. And to all you who say just don't send a card. It's not worth the torrent that would follow so I pick as innocuous card as I can, send it, and then forget about it.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who said "You can't think of one good thing about your mother?" - well, yes. I can. But I've already acknowledged the good things she did when I was growing up. I don't feel like acknowledging them every SINGLE year. That seems stupid.

I am sure your husband told you he loved you when you were dating. There is no need to tell you ever again since he has already acknowledged his affection.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand, it takes me FOREVER to find just the right card. I can't believe how many people are telling their moms they are totally perfect, the most wonderful woman in the world. What a bunch of liars!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people with functioning families - you don't get it do you? Where I've been and what I've been through - there is no forgiving. It's taken me this far to figure out that it's totally dysfunctional, and I'm trying very very hard not to repeat what has been drilled into me as normal behavior. "Overlooking" or thinking it's "my fault" or that "it takes 2 to tango" or that it's my problem only is part of the ingrained dysfunction. No, I will no longer accept or tolerate abuse. And I will do my best not to abuse my children, and set them up like has been done for generations. It's hard, but I'm trying.

And lordy! you functional people can't even get a dysfunctional joke. Makes me see how far the gap is between the family I grew up in and yours.

This. Totally.