Anyone else not "co-sleep" with spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not know anyone under 60 with seperate bedrooms.

Are you *sure*? Unless you have been to their house, how would you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have trouble sleeping together, try pushing two twin size beds together to make a king. They sell something called the king sizer, which is basically foam so you don't fall in the crack. Then I got a cheapo matress pad, a really nice mattress pad, and king size sheets and we sleep great. Each person can get in and out of bed, toss and turn all night and the other person never feels a thing.

I have to say, I know separate beds works for some, but I personally could not do it because I feel like a lot of the intimate moments in a marrage happen when you are next to each other in bed -- like talking about things that are bothering you or making you happy, sharing bad dreams, waking up together, and of course, sex -- which would be more scarce if in separate beds. I think we would go to bed mad at each other more often and make up nicely less when arguing. Plus, there is something to be said for having someone to out your cold feet on at night! h

Well, separate beds or bedrooms didn't work out for me and my ex-husband. Once we stopped sleeping together, we eventually stopped having sex all togethef, and then the intimacy died.

Completely agree with you.

[Anonymous]

We don't have separate bedrooms, but DH sleeps in the guest room whenever he starts snoring. I wake him up and tell him to stop snoring, he gets mad and stomps off to the guest room. He lost 35 pounds and stopped snoring, but he's put some of the weight and has started snoring again. I prefer to have him in bed with me, and miss him when he's in the guest room. But I can't sleep when he snores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, separate beds or bedrooms didn't work out for me and my ex-husband. Once we stopped sleeping together, we eventually stopped having sex all togethef, and then the intimacy died.

Completely agree with you.

Yes, but if you make the effort to have sex first, then go elsewhere to SLEEP, I never understood why my ex found that so upsetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, separate beds or bedrooms didn't work out for me and my ex-husband. Once we stopped sleeping together, we eventually stopped having sex all togethef, and then the intimacy died.

Completely agree with you.

Yes, but if you make the effort to have sex first, then go elsewhere to SLEEP, I never understood why my ex found that so upsetting.

Tried the making the effort to have sex first routine. Ex just didn't get why I wanted to sleep without listening to his snoring all night. He would withhold sex because I didn't want to sleep with him after. He felt that I was kicking him out.

[Anonymous]

I can't see why it would effect the kids if you have an otherwise close, loving, supportive relationship and show affection toward each other in front of the kids. my husband sleeps in the guest room most nights as we get a night time "visitor" who wants to co-sleep in our bed. though this won;t be forever, it works for our family now because we all get a better night's sleep.

[Anonymous]

IMHO sleeping in sep rooms helps our marriage at this point. Otherwise we would be annoyed with each other most nights before falling asleep. DH wants to stay up late reading or watching TV. On nights he sleeps in the guest room he can do that to his heart's content, and I can fall asleep easily(which I can't do with a light or the TV on)As for the sex, that hasn't changed in frequency.

I say each to their own.

[Anonymous]

What an interesting discussion. I've been so tired lately that I've been considering spending a night at a hotel as a "mini break". I'm a light sleeper and DH snores and we both thrash around a lot. He wakes early and only needs 6 hours of sleep to my 9. I can't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep. I don't know why I never thought of sleeping in the guest room (other than the fact that the bed is covered in junk, that is ). Way cheaper than a hotel!

[Anonymous]

Two things -- one, since I have been sleeping in the guest room, my sleep has improved 200% and I feel like a new woman. I'm rested, I have more energy, I look better, I'm more patient, I get sick less, and on and on and on. My back feels better ...

But two, I agree with the PPs who talked about the intimacy issue. Not just sex (but that's part of it), also the pillow talk is missing. I think this is affecting our relationship.

[Anonymous]

See, my DH and I sleep in the same bed, but I think we'd be much better off in separate beds for all the same reasons everyone has mentioned-- snoring, schedules, etc. As it is, we sleep with a giant pillow between us and DH often has to flip his head to the foot of the bed to muffle the sound of his snoring. He goes to bed earlier than me, but I usually tuck him in so we have our time for "pillow talk." We barely have sex since having our DD, however even when we were more "active", we rarely did it at the times we were in bed for sleep. I just have this weird hang up that we're going to end up like Fred and Ethel on I Love Lucy. That said, if I remember correctly, they were the ones who slept together while Lucy and Ricky slept apart. I digress... But I'm glad we're having this discussion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally do not know anyone under 60 with seperate bedrooms.

Are you *sure*? Unless you have been to their house, how would you know?

Sorry, wasn't wearing my lawyer hat when I responded, I take the weekends off. To correct my response, to the best of my personal knowledge, I personally do not know anyone under 60 with seperate bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend in junior high whose parents slept in separate bedrooms (her friends knew this because of sleepovers at her house) and it was awkward for her because her friends thought it was weird. To me it was weird mostly because the only time my parents slept in separate rooms was shortly before they got a divorce. Anyway, also because of this I will never not sleep in the same bed with my DH...lol. And he snores like a freight train. I've learned to deal. I also really, really like the closeness of just getting to talk before going to sleep, or read and show each other stuff we're reading if it's something interesting, or wake up in the middle of the night and just have him there.