Only child in class of your own race?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should feel bad for talking to your son about it. Sometimes we wait too long to have these types of conversations and then get "forced" into a conversation if some external incident occurs. As long as you feel as though he has a healthy sense of himself, then I wouldn't worry.

[Anonymous]

The race in itself is probably not a big problem, but if you son has trouble making friends, it could become a problem.

[Anonymous]

Well, I have had experience with this. My daughter (white) was the only white child in her class last year. It was a mixed experience for her. On one hand, she is very popular due to a naturally outgoing personality in school--I gained this information via her teacher and comments she would make like, "all the kids wanted to sit next to me at lunch, etc.". On the other hand, she started making comments to me like, Why am I the only child with white skin? Why do no other kids have blond hair? Her reaction to this wasn't exactly negative per se....more that she noticed that she was different from everyone else and wasn't necessarily sure if it was a good or bad thing. She wasn't invited to any playdates outside of school all of last year, but i don't know if this had anything to do with it or not. (Probably not). I switched her school this year (for other reasons unrelated to race--I didn't like the school's discipline measures) and now she is still the only white girl in her class, but there are a number of white boys, Asians, Hispanics, and blacks, and she seems to be thriving. While she has mentioned noticing the racial makeup of the class again this year, her observations have been more at noticing the multiple ways many classmates are the same and different.

I like the fact that she is in a very diverse environment, but isn't the only example of diversity.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat different situation here - white parents of different-race child. We chose the more diverse school over the academically superior one and are glad we did. In our neighborhood school, he would've been the only child of his race/ethnicity and we think it would've been very unhealthy for him, especially because we're white. The school we chose to send him to has kids from all backgrounds and is a good school academically - just not a super-charged, over-achieving one.

It's hard to generalize and if a minority child has minority parents/extended family, there may be reasons to go with the super-charged academic school. But we actually know a family from our son's old nursery school, who chose to send their son (family's African-American) to a more diverse school, even though the neighborhood school was virtually across the street from their house...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting questions, OP. I wish I had something useful to offer. My son is also the only child of his race in his class. This is the neighborhood school, though, so the kids in his class are the same kids in the neighborhood. We tend to socilaize with folks of our own race, but not exclusively.

He's white. He's therefore different. This isn't quite the same, though, IMO, as being a person of color in an otherwise all-white classroom. There's a lot of history and baggage that goes with any of these scenarios that none of the kids asked for, but will have to deal with. While my child is a minority in his class, the color of our skin affords us certain privileges in the rest of society whether we acknowledge it or not.

So, I think it's important to talk about race. I'm not exactly sure there's a perfect way to do it. You might want to check out antiracistparent.com. Lots of good discussion and resources.

Wow poster. I just want to take a moment to commend you on your acknowledgement that the "privilege" exists. I have read many posts on DCUM....and rarely is it discussed as honestly as your post.

[Anonymous]

My DS is also the only one of his race in his class at a local private school. This is his 2nd year at this school. He has many friends and gets invited to many playdates and brithday parties of all the children in his class. He is a nice kid and the kids really like him. The parents are friendly and they are comfortable with thier kids coming over for play dates and vice versa. My son is AA but he is very light complected and has green eyes. He calls us tan and my DH who is darker he calls Brown. Even though he is light he knows he is different than theother kids because of his hair. His first year at school he said that why do the other children have hair that is yellow and hangs down. I then explained to him that we are black and we have a different hair texture and they both are good but just different. He was not satisfied with that and he came home from school almost everyday and asked me to do something to make his hair straight. I was hurt because I wanted him to feel good about himself. I told him that God made him that way and he is perfect the way he is. He stopped asking towards the end of the year. I kept him there for the next year because he was doing very well with his school work and with his friends. He had 2 best buddies that he was really close with. I am now looking into if I should continue him for next school year. I asked him if he would like to go back to his school next year and I was so shocked when he told me no, I want to go where all the other kids have hair like me and he went on the count out the number of AA kids at the school. I then explined to him that that does not matter and that his best friend does not have the same hair and he is still your best friend. He looked at me and said ok and went on playing.

I did not realize that children this age really are aware of these type of things. BTW if he went to my local private school there is a chance that he will still be the only AA in his class. I think this is something that he will have to expereince because of where we live. He does do activities outside of school but he is still the only AA in those activites too.