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Is it time to move on from the private school? We feel like we're wasting our money.
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Anonymous
In our situation: DC needed far more stimulation than was receiving at public school, the 30 hours+ spent there each week was, to be frank, a waste of time. Wasn't challenged at all. DC's iq tests and standardized test scores were pretty high. Initially, thought that the school was a good fit because DC was among intellectual peers. We didn't factor in the school's culture. |
Anonymous
Me too. |
Anonymous
| A couple of thoughts: I totally understand that you are sort of in a holding pattern, but the fact is you're paying some serious coin to a school that doesn't support you as parents and doesn't seem interested in your concerns about your child. They don't deserve your money. Second, pulling your child out of his pampered environment and letting him experience how the other half lives might just be the motivation that he needs to get his butt in gear. Third, there are lots of schools out there that might be a better fit. Our kids attend a school full of wealthy children, but the teachers and administrators are very responsive to parental concerns and work ethic and effort are emphasized. Your son's school is failing your son and you; vote with your feet. |
Anonymous
| If it were me, I'd try the public school, using some of the savings to pay for outside arts, music, gym and/or foreign language, as needed. The rest of the money I'd save for later--perhaps to pay for something my child WAS motivated about. |
Anonymous
| But wait a second? What IS wrong with B's? I know that this is not the point, but could it be that there is nothing wrong with the kid? Hitting the horrible tweens? Every child gets bored, it is their JOB at that age. You DC could go MORE off the rails at a bigger school. Just a thought... |
Anonymous
It doesn't sound like the OP is concerned with a B average so much as with her child's lack of a work ethic and sense of entitlement. Not to mention the school's complete lack of support for the parents and respect for their point of view. As a psychologist I understand your concerns, OP, and second the suggestion of posters who think you should probably vote with your feet. You can give your child a choice, certainly, but if you want to see change you need to have some specific, quantifiable things you can point to. It's not a good strategy to just tell a child, "Shape up or you're going to public school next year." You need some specific benchmarks. But I personally would be so unhappy with the administration's lack of support that I'd simply pull my child out of that school. As another poster said, there are many good schools around here, both public and private. It's just not acceptable for a school's administration to respond in the way this one apparently has when you brought your concerns to them. And as far as the entitlement thing goes, you need to address it now. It will only get worse. This area is terrible in that respect. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
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The problem isn't with B's. The problem is that the child is not interested in school. Were he killing himself and making B's, I'd say that's fine, he's doing the best he can.
DS is in public and has a sense of superiority. She doesn't work very hard and does very well. That lazy, whatever attitude can happen in public as well. |
Anonymous
| How come you place your child in a school that does not share your values? Weird to me. |
Anonymous
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I'm trying to understand what you mean about the entitlement and lazy attitude.
Is it that your child is able to put in minimal effort and not get called on it? What is the entitlement part? |
Anonymous
Here are a few thoughts. It is difficult to assess fit for a very young child (e.g., a 3 year old applying for pre-K or a 4 year old child applying for K). Even if you think you have some idea of what would work, you never know how your child will actually react to any given educational environment until s/he gets there and spends some time. Also, children change and can grow in very different directions from one year to the next. Perhaps the educational environment that worked in the beginning no longer works (which is the the stated benefit of choosing a PreK-3 or PreK-6 or PreK-8 schools versus a PreK-12 school). As an outsider going through an admission process, it is difficult to assess culture and values of a school. A school's stated philosphy, mission, culture and values can be very different from how these are manifested in the life of the school day to day. Some schools walk the talk. Others do not. Finally, given the competitiveness of school admission, some only have one school from which to choose (aside from their public school option which may not be a very good choice at all, in which case you go with the lesser of two evils, so to speak). There are lots of paths leading to a bad fit long term. Perhaps you've had better luck selecting a school for your child. |
Anonymous
Because you don't know a wide circle of parents of older children. Because there can be changes in administrators after enrollment. Because they just do not inform you of everything. Some children don't share much with their parents and are not observant. Others do and I am not pleased with what I hear . |
Anonymous
Very well said. I'm not the OP, responded that my situation is similar but with an older DC. I never set out to place my child in a school that didn't share our family's values. During the admissions process and DC's earlier years at this school, our goal was the pursuit of academic excellence. In our eyes, then the school was exactly what we hoped for. During the middle school years, the admin, students, parents, and friendships changed significantly. And we did turn to families of older students for support who understood our concerns. We were told that the school's mission, more so, during the upper school years is to foster a sense of academic advocacy in each student. In other words, parents are to release their expectations and allow their DC to achieve based upon their own motivations. Keep hearing that DC will do extremely well. Sure there are other schools out there, I suppose the path we've taken is "the lesser of two evils," just one more year to go. |
Anonymous
| OP, I also think it sounds like it is time to try something different. I would not present it as a punitive move to your DC, but present the situation just as you did on this thread. In my view, it is not necessarily a permanent decision ... in these economic times, returning to private school after a year in the publics is not an impossibility. The change might be a real eye-opener for DC or perhaps ultimately be embraced as an improvement ... who knows?! I understand inertia ... I don't think anyone would be well advised to make a dramatic change based on 1 or even 2 years experience, because so much rests on the particular teachers you get each year and the particular peers in the class. As for the assistance/support you get from the school's administration ... they are very interested in your child's success and thus their input should be very carefully considered BUT they are also very interested in having you continue to pay tuition ... |
Anonymous
| OP, while I am not a fan of bratty kids or snobbish schools, I wonder if you should maybe give your DC a break here? He's in 3rd grade, I think you said? So he's what, 8? 9? How hard do you want an 8 or 9 year old to be working? If the school is "taking his side," could it be that they're not failing to respect you, but are instead genuinely trying to hint that you have inappropriate expectations of a child who is still quite young, and that your demands on him and pressure are really counterproductive right now? That is, maybe you should ease up a bit, and/or think about whether your parenting style, rather than the school's culture, may be unintentionally fueling behavior that you see as "entitled." Seriously, not dissing you here-- but I see a lot of parents who complain that their kids are "spoiled," but then I watch them interacting with the kids and sending some very mixed messages. Worth thinking about? |
Anonymous
I think pp has got a point here. You're talking about your child's whole future here and he is hardly mature enough to see what is at stake. (Reminds me of a story I heard about a middle schooler whose parents asked him if he wanted braces and he said "no," so they didn't give him braces and his teeth are still crooked today.) If you want to move him to public, I'm all for that but I don't think you should tell him it's some kind of "punishment" for not working hard enough. Plus kids can excel at public school just as much as at private school -- just like they can goof off anywhere. I hope you will continue to look for other ways of working on his motivation. |