Talk to me about deciding to go donor egg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 1 year old from DE. It was the best decision that we ever made. We also considered adoption, but the truth was that, because our problem was also egg quality not another problem with carrying a baby to term, DE offered a much higher chance of getting a successful outcome before our money ran out. For us, we were lucky that it worked on the first try. Only you can decide if the genetic connection is necessary for you, but having a biological connection to my child through pregnancy and breastfeeding was wonderful and plenty of a connection to make me never think about the fact that he has different genes. The truth is that I feel like he is 100% my son since I have cared for him every day since he implanted in my uterus. He would not be a person if I wasn't involved. An egg, and even a fertilized egg, is not the same thing as a baby. I learned that lesson the hard way through many OE miscarriages.

I would agree with this mom's thinking in terms of having the biological connection. I am an adoptive mom and have met many other adoptive moms who really, truly mourn the lack of biological connection for years to come. I often think those moms would have been better off choosing an option like Donor Egg or surrogate.

Interesting. I am the adoptive mom who posted above you. I am not discounting the other moms' feelings, but I myself have never felt this way. If anything, I love seeing traits in her that I do not see in me (or my DH). I also was sooo tired of having my body manipulated by IF treatments that it felt like I had finally found the right route for me to find a child without having my body artificially manipulated and jerked all over the place. It was like it was I had been waiting for all my life. Also, like I said, I love seeing some traits in her which I have never seen in me or my DH. She is like a present we continue to unwrap every day. I love her!

I liked this. Thanks for your take, PP! If our next couple cycles don't work out this is the path I want to go, too. I have never felt that adopting a child would make it feel any less "mine". To the contrary it adds some additional fun of seeing a person blossom with their own special traits. Congrats!

You are so very welcome!!! I wish you the best ! Our little "present" is currently in the bedroom next door, ostensibly falling asleep, but really, practicing her reading to our cat Belle! She thinks I do not know this, but I can hear her. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

If possible, both financially and emotionally, perhaps pursue both options to a point. I had my heart set on adoption, either domestic or international, any race and open to infant or school age. I even certified for DC foster 2 adopt. But after several years, I unfortunately came to the conclusion that adoption was a LOT harder than I had imagined and I was still not a mom (of course I was over 40 and single so that reduced my options). So, I ended up doing DE with a bit reluctance because I didn't think I would want to experience pregnancy. But "pregnancy" was the most magical, beautiful experience of my life and I loved every minute of it!! And although my beautiful boy looks nothing like me, I cannot imagine a stronger bond to any child... even tho he is not genetically mine. He was so worth the wait and meant to be mine.

That said, I do hope to adopt an older child when my son is a bit older.

good luck!