My estranged parents tried to take my daughter from school

[Anonymous]

Talk to the school too, so they know that they did the right thing and they can be on the look out for possible future attempts. Talk to your neighbor's too. Time to channel the fierce Mama Bear (you can do it, you really can).

I am so sorry you have to go through this. No one would like to call the police on their parents- functional or otherwise- that is a perfectly normal reaction. Hugs for you.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the age of the kid, you should have a "safe word" for emergency pick ups, something whacky like "hamster ball" that only your kid and another adult would know if you told them. That way, if there was truly an emergency, you had a way for them to know. Otherwise, definitely call the cops, school, and any other activities your kid is involved in.

The saying used to be "Stranger Danger". You know, look out for the creeper in the windowless white van handing out candy and puppies.

The reality is that kids are most often abducted and/or worse by adults they know well.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all so, so much for you kind words and advice.

My daughter is in middle school and has a special talent - so we knew her educational trajectory from a very young age as did my family members. I'm sure they assumed she got into the school we applied for.

My child didn't even know who they were and she was scared by the whole experience. She's now constantly looking over her shoulder - we all are. I've scheduled a meeting with a therapist so she can discuss this matter. The teachers and everyone in our lives have agreed to be vigilant in looking out for her.

To be frank I'm having a hard time believing this is happening and still trying to wrap my head around it. I've contacted our attorney...just haven't quite found the strength to dial the police yet..

[Anonymous]

Has your daughter had any contact with them since your estrangement? Seeing as it has been years since you have spoken and yet they have different feelings about your daughter than their other grandchildren, it seems either your daughter is older or she has still had contact. She must be old enough to know to never go with them.

[Anonymous]

What state are you in? Is a protective order/restraining order an option? Something to explore with your attorney. How terrible for your family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter had any contact with them since your estrangement? Seeing as it has been years since you have spoken and yet they have different feelings about your daughter than their other grandchildren, it seems either your daughter is older or she has still had contact. She must be old enough to know to never go with them.

OP. It's because she's older and was the first grandchild. Initially we did allow our children to speak to them on holidays and say thank you for gifts etc. However when they began drunk dialing my daughter and calling her phone upwards of 20 times an hour, we put a stop to that. It's been 2-3 years since then.

Like most unstable people, they wanted to nothing to do with our children until they weren't allowed to. Now apparently they've become obsessed with her.

[Anonymous]

I know it's hard to call the cops on your own parents, but really, you need to. What an awful situation. Your kid is worth the protection they can help provide. Are they local to you?

[Anonymous]

I think there is more to this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's hard to call the cops on your own parents, but really, you need to. What an awful situation. Your kid is worth the protection they can help provide. Are they local to you?

They live in another state which is even more concerning. If they had picked her up..would they have taken them back to their residence?

[Anonymous]

I'd go out of my way to thank the person from the school who called you. Yes, they were just "following procedure" but I'd be sure to thank them for doing their job.

And I'd have a hard time calling the police on them. But your kid sure knows now not to go off with grammy anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Call your attorney NOW. S/he will walk you through the steps for calling the police. You have to do this and you CAN do this.

[Anonymous]

What did your attorney advise? I'd follow that counsel and not what you get here on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd go out of my way to thank the person from the school who called you. Yes, they were just "following procedure" but I'd be sure to thank them for doing their job.

And I'd have a hard time calling the police on them. But your kid sure knows now not to go off with grammy anywhere.

Absolutely. Thank the school and the specific person who caught this and called you, and shout out the praises to the rooftop (or at least to the PA). YOu don't have to go into detail as you tell everyone how great they are, but make sure the school understands that you are totally grateful and that they did the right thing.

Ditto everyone who said a) call the police and make a formal police report; and b) talk to your lawyer about next steps. Also see if there's some communication your lawyer can send them that will explain whatever legal parameters are around your daughter, so they are "on notice" that if they try this insanity again, they WILL be arrested. Try to talk to your lawyer about next steps and communication to your parents from the lawyer or courts.

Scary. I can only imagine what that means your upbrining was like, but be proud that you are an awesome, protective mommy who is modeling for your daughter what it means to face a scary situation and DEAL with it. Sadly there are many who would just hide or be in denial about it, or even worse cave to the scary grandparents. You are doing the right things. So glad you mentioned therapy too, that is very very important for your daughter to understand her fear and confusion is totally normal, and that she has the right to say NO to anyone who makes her uncomfortable, no matter what the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police.

+10,000

Also: 1) get an Order of Protection and have it on file at the school, so that they will be required to call the police if your parents show up on school property;

and 2) Only you or your husband can pick her up from school. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. If you have to quit a job, then quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your daughter had any contact with them since your estrangement? Seeing as it has been years since you have spoken and yet they have different feelings about your daughter than their other grandchildren, it seems either your daughter is older or she has still had contact. She must be old enough to know to never go with them.

OP. It's because she's older and was the first grandchild. Initially we did allow our children to speak to them on holidays and say thank you for gifts etc. However when they began drunk dialing my daughter and calling her phone upwards of 20 times an hour, we put a stop to that. It's been 2-3 years since then.

Like most unstable people, they wanted to nothing to do with our children until they weren't allowed to. Now apparently they've become obsessed with her.

Freakin' drunks. They do all kinds of crazy stuff.

My mom died drunk. You have my sympathy. I was terrified of something like this happening to my kids.