Should we live with my mother?

[Anonymous]

It depends on how well everyone gets along. Then bear in mind that everyone will be under even more stress- new living arrangements, new baby, mom's loss, etc.

However, it definitely could be win-win-win.

Just make sure you all communicate about your expectations and how things are working out.

[Anonymous]

I just made a similar decision and we decided to have my mom live with us. It wasn't a situation of my dad leaving her, she retired and wanted to be busy so she offered to help us with childcare. She would be spending the majority of her time with us (DH, myself and 2 kids), we would be saving on childcare and able to help my parents financially, life would be a lot less hectic, and the kids will have a lot of attention and care.

We have all lived together before for several months at a time when my mom was helping me out with transition form maternity leave back to work. We get along great, so we thought we would give this a try for a year or so. None of us were happy with life as it was - she was a little lonely, we are always tired and overwhelmed, so we thought we should make some sort of change.

[Anonymous]

Are you immigrants? Because immigrants are the most likely to have this situation work out.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it:
Don't take her money..
Put your mother in her own suite - that means actually finding a house built that way, unless you remodel. Both tough propositions, since there are not that many houses on the market to begin with, and a remodel is expensive.

We had to live with my parents in their own place for a month, and it was hell. So the private suite is REALLY important!

[Anonymous]

IMO it's not a good idea because your mom is so young. How will it work when she starts to date?

[Anonymous]

What if she brings her date during childcare time and your DC is not getting enough attention?

[Anonymous]

If she is into helping and at the same time being respectful of your privacy, I would have her in my house.

[Anonymous]

After our twins were born my parents lived with us for 10 months, yes 10 months in a 4bdrom house no in - law suite, nothing. It was hard, but my parents helped so much, them being here was invaluable. My mother would help with feedings, cooking and cleaning. My Dad would help with repairs, if needed and do the lawn.

I have a brother an hour away and most weekends they would go spend time with him and his family.

For us it was perfect because of their help, yes we stepped on each other's toes at times and there was need for space. But we really needed the help. My DH had just started a new job and there was no way he could provide any assistance. If I had an in-law suite my parents would stay with us many months through out the year. It's so special the time they get to spend with the grandchildren and these memories are etched in the childs life forever.

[Anonymous]

If in doubt, don't. No matter how great you try to mislead yourself into believing that it will be, it will most likely be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you immigrants? Because immigrants are the most likely to have this situation work out.

We are all immigrants in this country. Keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you immigrants? Because immigrants are the most likely to have this situation work out.

We are all immigrants in this country. Keep that in mind.

No, not everyone is immigrant. Some people were born here.

*I* am immigrant and I would have my mother live with me if she were still alive, but my MIL is another story. Not just because she is my MIL, but personalities issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you immigrants? Because immigrants are the most likely to have this situation work out.

We are all immigrants in this country. Keep that in mind.

No, not everyone is immigrant. Some people were born here.

*I* am immigrant and I would have my mother live with me if she were still alive, but my MIL is another story. Not just because she is my MIL, but personalities issues.

Even born here we are immigrants, but let's leave this for a different, more philosophical topic.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't take her $30k, especially if she will be providing free child care.

Definitely look for a house with a separate in-law suite.

[Anonymous]

The living with her and child care arrangements can be done, albeit with safeguards to make sure OP's mother isn't getting resentful/burned out/whatever.

The 30k would be problematic as that is harder to reverse -- plus the mom could use that as a nest egg/savings cushion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can find a place with a self-contained suite, it could work. You'll need your privacy. I think this really depends on how DH would feel about your mom being around and "in your business." Your mom will know when you are fighting and when you are happy. If it was my mom, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If it was DH's mom, I'd rather poke needles in my eyes and die a slow death...

I agree. I'd love my mom to live with us in an in-law suite (anything where she had her own bedroom + mini kitchen and bathroom, seperate entrance not required) in exchange for childcare. But it really depends on the relationship you have with your mom, and what you think of her ability to be responsible (as a caregiver, and as a housemate).