Hurt and at a stalemate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been on a roll of sorts with saying and doing things that really sting, with the underlying message being that my time, effort, and possessions are not of value in his eyes. Of course he doesn't consciously subscribe to that but there is a common theme in his actions and I'm just hurt. But he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and just wants to move on with life - to reengage in intimacy and normal romance after none of the issues have been resolved. I was willing to let the first one or two things go (we can all be jerks sometimes, right?) but then something new comes up, like picking at a scab, and it just compounds the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm really hurt, I'm beyond being able to just hug it out and move on with things as usual, but he has no remorse (I don't want an insincere apology anyway) and so we're kind of just stuck at the moment. I'm thinking maybe I need some space - maybe if I move into the guest room and just have a chance to let a few things heal before he can do the next hurtful thing - maybe I'll be able to return feeling a bit more resilient and maybe he'll feel less oppressed or whatever his issue is and be more considerate.

For what it's worth, we generally have a happy marriage. This past year was one of the happiest of my life and it was largely due to his role in my life and the family we're building together. We're just in a rut at the moment and it's really weighing on me, I don't know how to turn it around, and I don't think I can stay engaged while it continues to go down hill. I'm starting to understand how some married couples find it easier to live apart.

So you decided to withhold sex until he apologizes like he means it? This should work out well.

I'm not the op but am currently in the exact same situation with my DH emotionally it's so bad right now that I almost burst into tears in line at the market thinking about what an awful place we are in. The lack of acknowledging my concerns, regardless of thier merit, has resulted in built up bitterness and resentment as to me it implies he has no respect for my feelings. I cannot be intimate with him while having these feelings, I know it doesn't help the situation and I don't take the position of no sex until...it's just so unappealing and in someways feels like a violation.

This.

I suck it up and let him stick it in. I can be pretty mean when I feel that he is being inconsiderate, but I won't withhold sex. I think rejecting a husband who wants to have sex with you (as opposed to some groping guy on a date) is like a sock in the face. At least, if he's a good guy in general. I think the punishment should fit the crime, and withholding of sex takes on such a outsized meaning to men that I've only done it once. Whatever issues we have outside the bed, I try my best to not bring them into bed with us. But it sometimes sucks, no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been on a roll of sorts with saying and doing things that really sting, with the underlying message being that my time, effort, and possessions are not of value in his eyes. Of course he doesn't consciously subscribe to that but there is a common theme in his actions and I'm just hurt. But he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and just wants to move on with life - to reengage in intimacy and normal romance after none of the issues have been resolved. I was willing to let the first one or two things go (we can all be jerks sometimes, right?) but then something new comes up, like picking at a scab, and it just compounds the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm really hurt, I'm beyond being able to just hug it out and move on with things as usual, but he has no remorse (I don't want an insincere apology anyway) and so we're kind of just stuck at the moment. I'm thinking maybe I need some space - maybe if I move into the guest room and just have a chance to let a few things heal before he can do the next hurtful thing - maybe I'll be able to return feeling a bit more resilient and maybe he'll feel less oppressed or whatever his issue is and be more considerate.

For what it's worth, we generally have a happy marriage. This past year was one of the happiest of my life and it was largely due to his role in my life and the family we're building together. We're just in a rut at the moment and it's really weighing on me, I don't know how to turn it around, and I don't think I can stay engaged while it continues to go down hill. I'm starting to understand how some married couples find it easier to live apart.

So you decided to withhold sex until he apologizes like he means it? This should work out well.

I'm not the op but am currently in the exact same situation with my DH emotionally it's so bad right now that I almost burst into tears in line at the market thinking about what an awful place we are in. The lack of acknowledging my concerns, regardless of thier merit, has resulted in built up bitterness and resentment as to me it implies he has no respect for my feelings. I cannot be intimate with him while having these feelings, I know it doesn't help the situation and I don't take the position of no sex until...it's just so unappealing and in someways feels like a violation.

maybe but chances are he doesn't want to have sex with you either. time to end it.

[Anonymous]

Whine whine whine...geezus