How would you handle this? SIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:01 he hasn't asked yet. I posed the question incase he did ask down the line. I'm sure in a year or two he will start to notice.

To the poster who loves being an aunt. I too am an aunt to 9 nieces and nephews. I live far away from them and hardly ever get to see then but make it a point to text everyday and Skype on Sundays. I put in a lot of effort to keep that strong bond with them.

Who texts kids EVERYDAY ?!
That sounds weird to me

OP here. I text kids everyday! My newphews and older and send me good morning messages everyday.
I send them one back at some point in the day. They read it to the sibling. One set of kids don't have a mom and so I try to give a little extra of myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Before she had her own kid he wasn't a great aunt and has only carried DC twice.

I have to roll my eyes at this. You actually counted the times she carried your DS? It makes me think that you're overly critical and overly sensitive - perceiving things that aren't really there (expecting your DH to spend alone time with her 15 mo old) and ignoring what is (she's just not that into kids who aren't hers). Clearly, your SIL isn't the kid person you and your DH are. Why that would make you change how you interact with her kid (ie change who you are), I have no idea. And, what kind of toys does a 15 month old have that a 4 year old would want to play with? There's no reason for a 4 year old needs to play in a baby's room. She probably didn't want him wrecking it. I don't blame her.

If you and your DH feel compelled to say something to her, it should be him not you.

Op here. I am not overly critical. I remember the day we came home from hospital and she carried him and the next weekend. She came over and carried him. That was it. It's not difficult to not notice. I know for sure she wants DH to spend time with him because she told DH to take her son in the next room to spend time wih him so they can bond. Once when DH took her son in the room to get toys she closed the door so they could be alone. Dc came in lookkng for dh and she said he was busy. Another time DH was carrying her son and I walked by him
And kisses him on the cheek and just started to talk with him she asked me to please let her son have his alone time with DH. It didn't bother me at all bc I get that that's what she wants for her child but then I feel sorry for our son. There was a time that dc was sitting on the sofa with DH and she put her baby on too of him. Again this doesn't bother me bc I love her child but I just wish he would be a better aunt.

I get what everyone is saying though. She is who she is and don't expect much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:01 he hasn't asked yet. I posed the question incase he did ask down the line. I'm sure in a year or two he will start to notice.

To the poster who loves being an aunt. I too am an aunt to 9 nieces and nephews. I live far away from them and hardly ever get to see then but make it a point to text everyday and Skype on Sundays. I put in a lot of effort to keep that strong bond with them.

Who texts kids EVERYDAY ?!
That sounds weird to me

OP here. I text kids everyday! My newphews and older and send me good morning messages everyday.
I send them one back at some point in the day. They read it to the sibling. One set of kids don't have a mom and so I try to give a little extra of myself.

If you want to and can, great. But understand that it may be coloring your perspective and expectations.

[Anonymous]

IS this real???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Before she had her own kid he wasn't a great aunt and has only carried DC twice.

I have to roll my eyes at this. You actually counted the times she carried your DS? It makes me think that you're overly critical and overly sensitive - perceiving things that aren't really there (expecting your DH to spend alone time with her 15 mo old) and ignoring what is (she's just not that into kids who aren't hers). Clearly, your SIL isn't the kid person you and your DH are. Why that would make you change how you interact with her kid (ie change who you are), I have no idea. And, what kind of toys does a 15 month old have that a 4 year old would want to play with? There's no reason for a 4 year old needs to play in a baby's room. She probably didn't want him wrecking it. I don't blame her.

If you and your DH feel compelled to say something to her, it should be him not you.

Op here. I am not overly critical. I remember the day we came home from hospital and she carried him and the next weekend. She came over and carried him. That was it. It's not difficult to not notice. I know for sure she wants DH to spend time with him because she told DH to take her son in the next room to spend time wih him so they can bond. Once when DH took her son in the room to get toys she closed the door so they could be alone. Dc came in lookkng for dh and she said he was busy. Another time DH was carrying her son and I walked by him
And kisses him on the cheek and just started to talk with him she asked me to please let her son have his alone time with DH. It didn't bother me at all bc I get that that's what she wants for her child but then I feel sorry for our son. There was a time that dc was sitting on the sofa with DH and she put her baby on too of him. Again this doesn't bother me bc I love her child but I just wish he would be a better aunt.

I get what everyone is saying though. She is who she is and don't expect much.

I'm sorry but this sounds really off. Does the boy not have a father and she is trying to facilitate a father-like relationship? Frankly it sounds a little weird and creepy.

[Anonymous]

I want to be proud of the aunt I am and not miss out on a relationship because someone else chose to minimize their relationship with my child

20:29, you are a gracious, forward thinking person. We struggle with DH's sister in the aunt capacity. When her DCs were younger, she had zero interest in my being an aunt to them and, to this day, often curbs her DCs interactions with me. (She also does this with a few other relatives - seems that she does not want anyone as a "rival" for their affections.) DH and I have children about four years younger than hers. While we give her DCs new gifts or money, she sends hand me downs along with requests for what we should now be giving her DCs. As much as this irks me, I strive to be the aunt I would want for my DCs and try to accept that not all folks are motivated in same ways. Makes me sad as I both really looked forward to being an aunt as well as having one for my kids, but life is long and don't need blood or in law relations to be an aunt to the many wonderful children on this planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Before she had her own kid he wasn't a great aunt and has only carried DC twice.

I have to roll my eyes at this. You actually counted the times she carried your DS? It makes me think that you're overly critical and overly sensitive - perceiving things that aren't really there (expecting your DH to spend alone time with her 15 mo old) and ignoring what is (she's just not that into kids who aren't hers). Clearly, your SIL isn't the kid person you and your DH are. Why that would make you change how you interact with her kid (ie change who you are), I have no idea. And, what kind of toys does a 15 month old have that a 4 year old would want to play with? There's no reason for a 4 year old needs to play in a baby's room. She probably didn't want him wrecking it. I don't blame her.

If you and your DH feel compelled to say something to her, it should be him not you.

Op here. I am not overly critical. I remember the day we came home from hospital and she carried him and the next weekend. She came over and carried him. That was it. It's not difficult to not notice. I know for sure she wants DH to spend time with him because she told DH to take her son in the next room to spend time wih him so they can bond. Once when DH took her son in the room to get toys she closed the door so they could be alone. Dc came in lookkng for dh and she said he was busy. Another time DH was carrying her son and I walked by him
And kisses him on the cheek and just started to talk with him she asked me to please let her son have his alone time with DH. It didn't bother me at all bc I get that that's what she wants for her child but then I feel sorry for our son. There was a time that dc was sitting on the sofa with DH and she put her baby on too of him. Again this doesn't bother me bc I love her child but I just wish he would be a better aunt.

I get what everyone is saying though. She is who she is and don't expect much.

Give her a break, maybe she's just not a baby person. I held my nieces probably two time each...usually only for a photo op. I had no experience with babies and was never very fascinated with them (like a lot of people are). Plus I was afraid of dropping or hurting them. Even after having my own child, I still don't like holding other people's babies (my own is a different story).

I think it's quite unusual that you find it offensive that your SIL didn't want to hold your baby very often. I have friends who never held my baby, and it never occurred to me to be upset by it.

HOWEVER, it is totally weird that she thinks her kid needs alone time with your husband. Unless she's a single mom and your dh vowed to be a stand-in male role model, it's bizarre and it would bother me too. Even if your dh promised to be his main male role model, he shouldn't be expected to exclude his own son.

[Anonymous]

She sounds crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't spend as much time with her or her child. She expects your DH to dote on her kid while she IGNORES your child? What does she expect your child is supposed to do while DH is playing uncle of the year?

SIL is controlling and out of line. I wouldn't go back. DH can go visit while you and the kid do something.