in-law question -- would you be frustrated by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL frequently sends my husband job postings for jobs in/around his home town (approx 8 hours west of DC). She knows we don't want to move there -- my family is in New England, so being in an accessible location about the same distance from both sides is ideal, and we both have established jobs here. She claims this is "informational only" so we shouldn't be "offended." She constantly talks about how wonderful life there is for people our age, wants us to go to open houses for properties in their neighborhood when we visit, etc. We're pretty firm with her that its not happening, but still she keeps pushing and it still gets under my skin (this has been going on for about 2 years at this point). Overreacting, or would you be frustrated too? I know I can just keep ignoring it, but that doesn't seem to dissuade her.

You don't like your MIL.

OP here. This is pretty much true. Just trying to get a gauge on how much is me overacting v. her being out of line --- this example is by far not the worst I've had to deal with -- and from the majority of responses here, sounds like something I should just continue to ignore.

[Anonymous]

For the job openings, tell DH not to tell you when she sends them. If she's sending them to you, delete. Deflect offers of looking at open houses.

If it keeps up (and it does sound like it's well past the annoying point), DH gets to have the conversation. "Hey, Mom, what's up? You know we're settled in DC, and we have no intentions to move. Are you getting worried about handling things as you age? Is there a health problem you're not telling us about? I'd appreciate it if you'd be clear, because this whole sending job openings and house listings business is really irritating and needs to stop. If there's something you'd like to talk about directly, I'd be happy to hear it.."

[Anonymous]

Aw. She misses her boy. It honestly wouldn't bother me (but then, I love my MIL and FIL and wish we lived closer to them).

[Anonymous]

Sending the job postings are annoying but can just be deleted... wanting to go to open houses when visiting is way over top and nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start sending her ads for nursing homes in DC

LOL!

LMAO

[Anonymous]

If she is a nice woman, be grateful she is sending them. Ignore.

If she is a wolf in sheeps clothing (like mine), be grateful she is sending them from a long distance. Ignore.

OP really - learn to choose your battles wisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the job openings, tell DH not to tell you when she sends them. If she's sending them to you, delete. Deflect offers of looking at open houses.

If it keeps up (and it does sound like it's well past the annoying point), DH gets to have the conversation. "Hey, Mom, what's up? You know we're settled in DC, and we have no intentions to move. Are you getting worried about handling things as you age? Is there a health problem you're not telling us about? I'd appreciate it if you'd be clear, because this whole sending job openings and house listings business is really irritating and needs to stop. If there's something you'd like to talk about directly, I'd be happy to hear it.."

OP, this is good.

And your post didn't even mention whether your husband DOES deal with mom directly or if he's one of those "I don't want to offend mommy" spouses. If there are other issues besides this one, and you say in another post that there are -- it's his job to handle them.

Each spouse handles his or her own parents in matters like this, period. If your husband doesn't do that, it's on him and he's the one you need to talk to, not MIL.

[Anonymous]

Laugh it off as her quirk and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laugh it off as her quirk and let it go.

I agree, with the caveat that laughing it off should include never setting foot in one of those open houses.

My dad has been trying to get me to move back home ever since I moved out.. And by move back home I mean move into my old bedroom at their house. We both live in the same county. I thought he would stop when I got married, or when I bought a house, or when I had a kid, but he didn't. When I was in my 20s, I would argue with him or explain why I wasn't moving back (as my brother who is in his 20s still does); now I just say no and laugh about it later. Of course, it helps that his proposition is so absurd. If he were showing me real estate listings in his neighborhood, that might be harder (although then I would just be laughing at the idea that we could afford a house in my parents' neighborhood).

[Anonymous]

"OP really - learn to choose your battles wisely. "

++

[Anonymous]

She wants her child more in her life. I can relate. My child is a preschooler but when she's grown up I will be sad if she lives far away from me, which I know is likely. I just hope I don't send her annoying emails with local job postings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my mil would do this - only with an added "i'm going to die lonely because of you. in fant, i live lonely. i'm so alone. my friend, Larla, has her kids and grandkids right near by. She is so lucky, I am so lonely and sad. Sometimes i cry. You want me to cry, son? is that what you want? Oh, wait, I know, this is a ploy by your wife - she wants me to cry. She hates me, I know she does. Come home to mommy. i know you want to."