Just letting things go

[Anonymous]

OP, may I ask why you didn't include yourself in the conversation with your husband and his friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound extremely sensitive, and you also sound like you have a script of how you want and need every situation to play out, or you are not validated. This must be exhausting for you and everyone else in your life.

I agree. You need to learn to go with the flow. Life is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, may I ask why you didn't include yourself in the conversation with your husband and his friend?

Yes--you should have excused yourself from the table to go to the ladies room or bar, then walk over to your husband and his friend and start talking to them on the way back. Otherwise, I agree that this seems pretty minor and you seem to require a lot of hand holding. Be glad your hubby didn't care that he had to get a ride home!

[Anonymous]

I think it was ok to go and give it a shot. Then when it didn't turn out to be what you thought, I think it was ok to ask your dh if he would mind if you left and then take the car and go.

What I haven't sorted out is how I feel about your dh not trying to include you. I guess if I were newly dating someone I'd be pretty annoyed, maybe hurt, but if I were married to him, I'd be thinking, oh well, there he goes again. Time for me to talk to someone else or just make an exit and do something more interesting.

[Anonymous]

16:23 again. And I don't think you should have apologized for leaving him without the car. What you did was perfectly reasonable. Could it be that you were hoping that your apology would lead him to apologize to you? I mention it because I can see myself thinking that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, ok, ok, I hear you--esteemed voices of DCUM. I get it. Over sensitive. Letting it go.

Do you want to let it go? Regardless of DCUM, if this bothers you, you need to deal with it directly with your husband.
This will fester and bloom into new problems if you don't resolve it. Everybody here has both an opinion and an asshole, and based on the fact that they're here, I'm not sure either their opinion or asshole are particularly healthy. My own asshole opinion is that you need to quit worrying about being "over sensitive" (WTF does that mean, anyway?), and sit your husband down for a heart to heart. If he can't support your needs, then maybe he's "under sensitive". BTW, go read about attachment styles. That might help you understand this BS about over sensitivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that I get pissed about this kind of stuff only in the week before my period. I hold my tongue and mention it if it's still bothering me after 5 days.

i am exactly the same!

[Anonymous]

OMG where do I start OP? You are very high maintenance to put it lightly. Let's rewind - DH is meeting the guys out for drinks. You OK it. But you tag along and don't have fun and make a scene and leave him at the bar because you cant strike up conversation with anyone. I'm sorry, but maybe you are just a bitch. And let's review why you couldn't make any conversation:

1) Because it's a guy nite out and you shouldn't have tagged along to begin with; and/or

2) You cannot come down off your pedastool and just be in a bar below your fantastical standards and be normal and polite and smile and have small talk with your husband's friends. Ugh. How embarrassing for him.

I'm not trying to take jabs and be snarky. I am just being the bearer of the bottom line reality of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG where do I start OP? You are very high maintenance to put it lightly. Let's rewind - DH is meeting the guys out for drinks. You OK it. But you tag along and don't have fun and make a scene and leave him at the bar because you cant strike up conversation with anyone. I'm sorry, but maybe you are just a bitch. And let's review why you couldn't make any conversation:

1) Because it's a guy nite out and you shouldn't have tagged along to begin with; and/or

2) You cannot come down off your pedastool and just be in a bar below your fantastical standards and be normal and polite and smile and have small talk with your husband's friends. Ugh. How embarrassing for him.

I'm not trying to take jabs and be snarky. I am just being the bearer of the bottom line reality of the situation.

This is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't call you DH's apology a real apology. It was on the order of "if I offended someone, I am truly sorry." Sounds like he didn't want to give in to the idea that he was rude. Most people can sense when an apology is pro forma or perfunctory. His was. So that is who he is, probably won't change. So your only choice may be to suck it up and ignore. But not because you're wrong, as others here suggest.

[Anonymous]

To me that doesn't sound like acknowledging other's feelings. It sounds like brushing them off.

It is a big deal if a spouse leaves another in a bar without a ride home. So it needs to be discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, "you are responsible for your own entertainment" is valuable advice my mother gave me before I got married and it has helped me tremendously in my marriage/social life.

Even if you go out with hubby, friends, or whomever, you should be able to entertain yourself if the posse abandons you. That is the only way you don't get bored/angry/irritated. This spills over to your home life too. If DH is not around for whatever reason, staying up whining about being bored is not the way to go. Be your own clown, make yourself laugh.

I think this is very good advice - I do not feel (as a husband) that it's OK to completely ignore my wife if I take her to a social function with me, but she should be able to carry herself a bit.

Just posting because the variant I was told was "you are responsible for your own orgasm"...and I thought that was kind of hilarious...hope that's not too explicit for this forum.

[Anonymous]

You are well prepared for an orgy, my friend.