Religious families-Do your children easily love God?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our parish family ministry is focused on the idea that to develop and sustain faith, you need roughly five adults (who are not you) pouring into & interacting with your child on a regular basis. I think the concept comes from a series of books called Orange & Parenting Beyond Your Capacity. This could be Sunday School teachers, scout leaders, your own friends, a youth minister, other adult volunteers with youth ministry, sports coaches who model good values, etc. Our youth minister also really emphasizes how much time children spend with parents vs. the church - we can't expect our churches to do all of this spiritual development. Even if you're there for three events/week (unlikely for most families), that's only six hours out of the many more that parents spend with their kids. So talking about faith & modeling it at home is the first step, and then finding a community that will support and your sustain your efforts is the next most important thing.

I have a young child at this point, so it's easier talking about faith with her at this stage of life. It permeates our home life -- prayer before meals, prayers to help not be scared or to calm down, thanking God each night for the day we had (both special things and the mundane). And also being really honest when hard questions come up about death, afterlife, etc.

7:14 here

This is good stuff.

Actually I am already accomplishing most of that. My sons are active in sports, my oldest is in a high level basketball league that prays before every game and is very faith oriented. We have hosted a small group discussion in our home for a couple of years. I try to live my faith every day, not just on Sunday. Our closest friends are not all that religious. We are pretty much the only ones in a rather active social circle that regularly go to mass/church. I think that part hurts me, but my kids are not lacking for positive adult role models.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children attend a motesorri religion program called Cathechesis of the Good Shepherd. The classroom setting is called the Atrium, so many people refer to it as that. My children have developed a relationship with the Lord at a very young age. it's much more personal than the classroom religious ed programs. http://www.cgsusa.org/

LOVED this program for my preschooler.

[Anonymous]

OP here-Thank you so much for your replies. I'm asking this because some of my first memories were in a church and their daycare, and I recall feeling warm and fuzzy. It's sad to hear about the older kids not getting into it, but that's expected. I'm talking about 3-5 year olds because childhood and faith seem to go really well together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children attend a motesorri religion program called Cathechesis of the Good Shepherd. The classroom setting is called the Atrium, so many people refer to it as that. My children have developed a relationship with the Lord at a very young age. it's much more personal than the classroom religious ed programs. http://www.cgsusa.org/

08:31 back. I know that St. Catherine's in Great Falls has this program ^^, but I do not have any personal experience with it at all. It also sounds like the OP's kids are too old for this, but, maybe I am wrong. Or, at the very least, maybe this info would be helpful to others just reading along!

This program is for children 3 -12 years. I think the original poster said s/he did not have kids. But my heart does go out the the parent of the middle schoolers who dislike attending mass. I remember being at that stage and being forced to attend mass. There was never an excuse not to go in my house growing up unless you were really, really sick. But when I got to college, I went to church on my own because that was the only thing that was "like home" to me.

PP, thanks for posting this - I'll think of you next time I force my middle schooler to go to church!

[Anonymous]

Maybe they don't have faith like you do. I come from a super religious family and as soon as I left home I never had any desire to go to church or pursue faith. I was anti-religion for a while, but have softened. But still do not believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is big problem for me. My sons are middle schoolers. I am devout. They cannot stand going to church. They also loathe the religious education classes they attend. It is all too "boring" for them. It affects our Sundays in a negative way that bothers me.

I've tried everything to get a spark of actual faith in them, the kind I see in others their age. It hasn't happened yet. I'm sorta at the point now that I've just taken the postiion with them that "It isn't about you. We go to church to worship God. It would be wonderful for you to have a nice warm fuzzy feeling when you are there, but we are going even if you don't." If it matters, I am a parent who relates very well to my kids, but not at all on this issue.

So, yeah...this is hard in my house.

Maybe religion doesn't come naturally to them. If they hated music lessons or a particular sport, would you force them to participate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here-Thank you so much for your replies. I'm asking this because some of my first memories were in a church and their daycare, and I recall feeling warm and fuzzy. It's sad to hear about the older kids not getting into it, but that's expected. I'm talking about 3-5 year olds because childhood and faith seem to go really well together.

Childhood and Santa Claus seem to go very well together too, for a while. When kids get older they start to have minds of their own and to develop individual tastes and interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way I've figured out how to do it is to have my child attend Catholic school. Honestly. I did, and I was surrounded by a community who had the same beliefs we did. It was an every day, 24-7 sort of thing, not some boring thing that we attended for one hour every week, under duress. Also, in school, they weave all the religious lessons into everything, so again, it's not set aside as one boring hour a week when you have to go to CCD with kids you do not even know, who do not go to your regular school. So, in sum, religious is just kind of always there, ever present, the rhythm of our lives and the background music, so to speak. It's not some boring awful thing I have to create all by myself for my kids, b/c I have a community of helpers helping me create it.

Before my DD started K at our parochial, I was where you are, b/c she went to a secular daycare and I was like, "Honestly, we cannot even bring in a dippy little kid's book for Show and Tell that talks about Jesus being born in a manger???" b/c this would offend some people. I felt like I was raising a wolf-child, haha. It's been a world of difference once she has been in the parochial school, for only 4 months now, but, whew, what a world of difference, and it's sooo much easier on me b/c I don't have to try to do all of this by myself!

Keep in mind that many people were brought up with their lives permeated with religion, as you describe, and still they are not religious as adults. It's not a negatvie reflection on their parents. Being religious does not come naturally to some people, and they reject it when they have a chance to decide for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-Thank you so much for your replies. I'm asking this because some of my first memories were in a church and their daycare, and I recall feeling warm and fuzzy. It's sad to hear about the older kids not getting into it, but that's expected. I'm talking about 3-5 year olds because childhood and faith seem to go really well together.

Childhood and Santa Claus seem to go very well together too, for a while. When kids get older they start to have minds of their own and to develop individual tastes and interests.

But that doesn't underestimate the importance of Santa in a childs life. For a brief time, they believe in magic with all their hearts because that's all they know. Granted, they eventually find out about Santa, but I would like to think it would be different with God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-Thank you so much for your replies. I'm asking this because some of my first memories were in a church and their daycare, and I recall feeling warm and fuzzy. It's sad to hear about the older kids not getting into it, but that's expected. I'm talking about 3-5 year olds because childhood and faith seem to go really well together.

Childhood and Santa Claus seem to go very well together too, for a while. When kids get older they start to have minds of their own and to develop individual tastes and interests.

But that doesn't underestimate the importance of Santa in a childs life. For a brief time, they believe in magic with all their hearts because that's all they know. Granted, they eventually find out about Santa, but I would like to think it would be different with God.

Some find out about God too.

[Anonymous]

I understand you are upset, PP, but perhaps they are simply not as religious. They will be okay so long as they know you still love them. I grew up in a very religious family and community, religious schools, church two times a week, but I started to disbelieve in God in second or third grade. I didn't even know there was such a term as atheism until years later. It was a huge relief when, as an adult, I could finally stop pretending.

I know my mom still prays for me. I think it's sweet. It will not work as far as bringing me back to religion, but I appreciate the love behind it. She doesn't attempt to convert my kids, but I let her have a friend baptize them as babies because it was important to her and I didn't have to promise anything. At a deep level her religious belief makes no sense to me, even with years of being totally surrounded by it, and I think she doesn't understand my lack of belief at all. But we hold those options to ourselves and get along.

I do wish I had understood there was such a thing as atheism from my parents, rather than figuring it out on my own. I spent years trying to force myself to believe, and felt really guilty about how I couldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

We pulled our kid from Catholic school after 3rd grade. She said she doesn't even know if she believes in a god.

The indoctrination is hard to deal with, especially in a community of stepford wives.

Anonymous wrote:The only way I've figured out how to do it is to have my child attend Catholic school. Honestly. I did, and I was surrounded by a community who had the same beliefs we did. It was an every day, 24-7 sort of thing, not some boring thing that we attended for one hour every week, under duress. Also, in school, they weave all the religious lessons into everything, so again, it's not set aside as one boring hour a week when you have to go to CCD with kids you do not even know, who do not go to your regular school. So, in sum, religious is just kind of always there, ever present, the rhythm of our lives and the background music, so to speak. It's not some boring awful thing I have to create all by myself for my kids, b/c I have a community of helpers helping me create it.

Before my DD started K at our parochial, I was where you are, b/c she went to a secular daycare and I was like, "Honestly, we cannot even bring in a dippy little kid's book for Show and Tell that talks about Jesus being born in a manger???" b/c this would offend some people. I felt like I was raising a wolf-child, haha. It's been a world of difference once she has been in the parochial school, for only 4 months now, but, whew, what a world of difference, and it's sooo much easier on me b/c I don't have to try to do all of this by myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way I've figured out how to do it is to have my child attend Catholic school. Honestly. I did, and I was surrounded by a community who had the same beliefs we did. It was an every day, 24-7 sort of thing, not some boring thing that we attended for one hour every week, under duress. Also, in school, they weave all the religious lessons into everything, so again, it's not set aside as one boring hour a week when you have to go to CCD with kids you do not even know, who do not go to your regular school. So, in sum, religious is just kind of always there, ever present, the rhythm of our lives and the background music, so to speak. It's not some boring awful thing I have to create all by myself for my kids, b/c I have a community of helpers helping me create it.

Before my DD started K at our parochial, I was where you are, b/c she went to a secular daycare and I was like, "Honestly, we cannot even bring in a dippy little kid's book for Show and Tell that talks about Jesus being born in a manger???" b/c this would offend some people. I felt like I was raising a wolf-child, haha. It's been a world of difference once she has been in the parochial school, for only 4 months now, but, whew, what a world of difference, and it's sooo much easier on me b/c I don't have to try to do all of this by myself!

Keep in mind that many people were brought up with their lives permeated with religion, as you describe, and still they are not religious as adults. It's not a negatvie reflection on their parents. Being religious does not come naturally to some people, and they reject it when they have a chance to decide for themselves.

+1

There has been some research about the "God gene" - it suggests that some have more propensity than others for faith:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/weekinreview/12wade.html?_r=0

I have two boys, 16 and 13, who along with me are regular churchgoers and who participate in our (Lutheran) church congregation activities, e.g. feeding the homeless. My older son claims to be agnostic but is the most enthusiastic of us vis-a-vis church, in part because of the social draw (I think). He enjoys youth group and many of the adults in our community (which for the reasons PP cited I think are important in his life). The younger one OTOH is really very resistant, complains about going, etc. but on the whole is compliant. Left to his own devices, he would not go whereas my older son would and does go under his own steam.

We are not all that observant/religious at home, truth be told. DH is Jewish and I forgo things I would not forgo were he not Jewish, e.g. I do not have any crosses in the house and our mealtime grace is ecumenical and not the Catholic one I grew up with.

I would like for my kids to love and find comfort in God, but know I do not control this - that I can only expose/introduce them to Him in various ways. In raising them as I have (and as I promised at their baptisms), my hope is that they develop enough of a "faith muscle" to enable them to seek out religion and God on their own when they want or need that. I know from personal experience that faith waxes and wanes, but OTOH for me, the comfort of the liturgy, especially during difficult times, does not. I hope I have given them enough of a foundation that they seek this out for themselves as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here-Thank you so much for your replies. I'm asking this because some of my first memories were in a church and their daycare, and I recall feeling warm and fuzzy. It's sad to hear about the older kids not getting into it, but that's expected. I'm talking about 3-5 year olds because childhood and faith seem to go really well together.

Childhood and Santa Claus seem to go very well together too, for a while. When kids get older they start to have minds of their own and to develop individual tastes and interests.

But that doesn't underestimate the importance of Santa in a childs life. For a brief time, they believe in magic with all their hearts because that's all they know. Granted, they eventually find out about Santa, but I would like to think it would be different with God.

Some find out about God too.

This thread is not for you. Believe whatever you want to, but OP is looking for help and you are providing the opposite of help.

[Anonymous]

My soon-to-be 7 yr. old asked me last night if he could become a priest. He's my only child. He goes to a parochial school and loves learning about religion, God, the Saints, but he also enjoys his daily curriculum. He goes to a very conservative Catholic school, while we're more cafeteria Catholics - we accept people for who they are, am pro-choice, yada yada yada. And he still asks to be a priest!!!