Anyone else struggling - bad memories of Christmas growing up?

[Anonymous]

Christmas and birthdays are so fraught with emotion. My childhood had none of those issues but I still feel raw and hurt at Christmas. [My kids are older and they and my husband just want to watch TV/play video games, ignoring the board games and craft kits I envisioned us enjoying together, and I don't feel right insisting when it should be their choice.]

By this I guess I'm saying maybe the right approach is to let the hurt go. I'm trying to convince myself. If I made it an issue, that is what would be remembered.

[Anonymous]

OP, very few of us have Currier and Ives memories of Christmas. I was left in a boarding school for several Christmases. Another Christmas, money given to my aunt and uncle to buy santa presents for me, was spent on them. I still do not like Christmas but I made up my mind that I would never ruin the holidays for anyone else.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to go back to therapy and work through those feelings that flood you.

It's not something you can control - the more you push these feelings away, the harder they will jump out at you - you need to let them all out and work through them with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Something like EMDR might help more than just talking. Best to you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By this I guess I'm saying maybe the right approach is to let the hurt go. I'm trying to convince myself. If I made it an issue, that is what would be remembered.

Triggers are not the same as disappointment and sadness. "Just let it go" is really the worst advice you can offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you are repeating the cycle at Christmas now. Your family knows you are upset and your kids will remember that every Christmas you spent upset.

Get Xanax. Take it at the holidays. Don't try and get through without medication.

Don't do this, especially if you have any history of alcoholism in the family. Xanax is terrible shit. It relieves my anxiety for a day or two. I rapidly acclimate it and then need more to have the same effect. If I don't take it, my anxiety ramps up through the ceiling. It takes a very short time for me to start developing a dependence/addiction to it.

I have PTSD around Christmas, too. It sucks so much because you can't turn Christmas off during the months of November and December. You can't escape it. Last year I went to Target to get some house hold things. I was in a good mood. I walked around the corner, saw the Christmas display, and was immediately swallowed by black depression and thought "It's Christmas. I should just kill myself."

Here's some things I do to cope. Healthy ways to relieve anxiety:

1. Heavy cardio gives the fight/flight energy something to do. It doesn't matter if you run, swim, bike, zumba, kickbox. Just make sure your heart rate is way up and you sweat a lot.

2. Yoga - it helps calm and center you

3. Prayer or meditation. The discipline of centering your mind in the present is very helpful. If you need instructions on mediation a book called "Zen of Recovery" has good instructions for how to sit. I was raised Catholic and I've also found that praying a rosary is good meditative discipline to center the mind.

4. Acknowledge the thought and let it flow through you. You are wrestling with ghosts. If one of those nasty involuntary thoughts comes up, I literally say "Hello, ghost. You are just a ghost. This is not happening today. It happened a long time ago." It helps takes the edge off of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, very few of us have Currier and Ives memories of Christmas. I was left in a boarding school for several Christmases. Another Christmas, money given to my aunt and uncle to buy santa presents for me, was spent on them. I still do not like Christmas but I made up my mind that I would never ruin the holidays for anyone else.

This is awful. I am so sorry.

It's not the same as having PTSD which is triggered by Christmas, though.